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re: Life changes quick
Posted on 7/5/20 at 8:30 am to HeadyBrosevelt
Posted on 7/5/20 at 8:30 am to HeadyBrosevelt
May of 2019 I found our my wife was cheating on me. 12 years together and 2 kids.
Completely changed my life. Sent me spiraling into a depression I never knew existed. The more I learned, the deeper the betrayal became. I found out she had friends essentially urging her cheating on. I was in a dark place with very few people I could trust to talk to. Family and friends start taking sides in a divorce, I completely wrote off anyone who took the side of an adultering liar.
Being cheated on is a motherfricker. It's treason on the most intimate level. It really fricks with a person. I spent months wallowing in self pity wondering "why me?" A year later I'm "better", but I'll never be the same I once was. I haven't dated since and have little desire to. No way I can trust another person on a level deep enough to sustain a relationship. Luckily, I was able to be aggressive in custody and have my kids more than she does. Idgaf about her but my kids mean everything to me. I do my best to shield them from my sadness, but they're smart enough to know that I'm hurting; that hurts more than the initial betrayal of my ex.
Completely changed my life. Sent me spiraling into a depression I never knew existed. The more I learned, the deeper the betrayal became. I found out she had friends essentially urging her cheating on. I was in a dark place with very few people I could trust to talk to. Family and friends start taking sides in a divorce, I completely wrote off anyone who took the side of an adultering liar.
Being cheated on is a motherfricker. It's treason on the most intimate level. It really fricks with a person. I spent months wallowing in self pity wondering "why me?" A year later I'm "better", but I'll never be the same I once was. I haven't dated since and have little desire to. No way I can trust another person on a level deep enough to sustain a relationship. Luckily, I was able to be aggressive in custody and have my kids more than she does. Idgaf about her but my kids mean everything to me. I do my best to shield them from my sadness, but they're smart enough to know that I'm hurting; that hurts more than the initial betrayal of my ex.
5
Posted on 7/5/20 at 8:33 am to Bigpoppat
One more thing you have to realize... A cheater will say or do anything to try to justify their actions. The level of delusion in an adulterer is insane.
Nothing justifies cheating, if you want out then leave. But every cheater I've met will give you some story on why they cheated in an effort to justify their actions.
Nothing justifies cheating, if you want out then leave. But every cheater I've met will give you some story on why they cheated in an effort to justify their actions.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 8:33 am to TigerMatt225
quote:
If you actually believe that is where she is sleeping you are in for a lot of surprises. Forget about reconciliation, counseling, or marriage retreats, hire the best divorce attorney you can afford immediately if possible.
Matt take this advice. Trust me the woman you thought loved you is gone. Most women know the courts most of the time take the woman's side. If she cheated get proof through a text or something. Threat this as a business now and protect yourself and your kids. Alot of times women will use this money (if they get it in your case)as WIFE SUPPORT not child support. Lawyer up in the long-term it helps you the most. I learned the hard way and got frickED. Good luck and be a great dad because that's really all that matters after this marriage is over.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 8:34 am to lepdagod
quote:
Nope... had a great day and everything...
It may have gotten exponentially better if you had a great day and your wife announced she wants a divorce. Short term it will suck. She’s doing you a favor in the long term if she really does not want to be with you and you have done nothing wrong. She would eventually start making your life miserable if this is the way she feels.
I’d also be weary of threats of divorce at 1:00 a.m., especially if drinking is involved. Either there is something underlying eating at her (affair, credit card spending, etc.) or it’s a threat that will never be followed through on and she’ll forget the whole thing.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 8:36 am to Bigpoppat
quote:
haven't dated since and have little desire to. No way I can trust another person on a level deep enough to sustain a relationship
Then that means your ex won. Don’t let her actions ruin your chance of finding happiness later on with someone worthy of your trust and love.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 8:37 am to TchoupitoulasTiger
quote:
Getting Divorced Checklist
Posted on 7/5/20 at 8:42 am to TigerMatt225
quote:
shite I’m in the house, she went to live with her mother and stepdad in a 2 bedroom trailer. Talk about a crowded shitshow when the kids visit her
Change the locks on the house. gather up any of her belongings that are there and burn them or take them to good will.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 8:42 am to TigerMatt225
quote:
Said she needed space and wanted a break. Fast forward to June 7th, I found out I’ve been getting jodied by a Puerto Rican that works in one the clinics that she goes to.
Heed the advice here and lawyer up.
Your wife does not love you.
Your wife does not live your kids
Your wife only loves herself. She only cares about meeting her own needs and then what is left over can go to others.
Any person who’s solution during or after a divorce is “immediate dating” is a ME FIRST person. (If they have kids).
Both parents first concern in a divorce should be maximizing time with children.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 8:45 am to Bigpoppat
Bigpoppa been there done that. Listen betrayal is what hurts the most. I was married 12 years together 14 years with my ex and had 3 kids together. My advice time to move on and show the kids that dad is back. Hit the gym and do some fun stuff and find yourself again. You will find yourself feeling good and the ladies will flock to you not saying you get back into a relationship but getting some strange ain't a bad thing 
It took me four years of being single(my doings didn't want a relationship)to finally meet someone that I felt comfortable with and my children liked. We dated six years before I finally told her I loved her( never thought I would say that again to another woman) but going strong at 3 years of marriage now. We are drama free and I still have great relationships with all 3 of my adult children now. Live life and find happiness again. Good luck brother
It took me four years of being single(my doings didn't want a relationship)to finally meet someone that I felt comfortable with and my children liked. We dated six years before I finally told her I loved her( never thought I would say that again to another woman) but going strong at 3 years of marriage now. We are drama free and I still have great relationships with all 3 of my adult children now. Live life and find happiness again. Good luck brother
Posted on 7/5/20 at 8:52 am to lsunurse
quote:
Then that means your ex won. Don’t let her actions ruin your chance of finding happiness later on with someone worthy of your trust and love.
Yep exactly my ex went out of her way after our divorce to act like she was so much happier. Our kids played alot of sports so I saw her often at games and such. She was always hugging or loving on her new man. Lol. I just ignored it but funny thing is she has already been remarried now divorced again and got a new man. I don't have to deal with her anymore because I am done with child support and good riddance. I will just bite my tongue when kids marriages and whatever comes up in the future.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 8:53 am to FLBooGoTigs1
Thanks for the kind words friend. I'm glad to hear how you were able to flip the script. I'll get there one day.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 9:01 am to lepdagod
quote:
Wife just informed me she wants a divorce..
you can't go on
you must go on
you can't go on
bye bye baby goodbye
Posted on 7/5/20 at 9:02 am to Tiger2287
quote:
I let me husband keep everything, except me car.
Who got the Lucky Charms?
Posted on 7/5/20 at 9:05 am to Lickitty Split
quote:
Any kids?
We have a one daughter
problem is my wife is her mother... the person she hates more than anybody in this world she’s turning into... her father told me about her mom”Something going to always be wrong when nothings wrong... some people just like that ... at times she can be the sweetest person in the world... than all of a sudden it’s like the sky falling ...
Posted on 7/5/20 at 9:16 am to Bigpoppat
quote:
I found out she had friends essentially urging her cheating on.
What’s the deal with this? It seems like once a woman gets divorced she starts acting like being single is the best thing ever and starts putting that bug in all of her friend’s ears. Sick thing that some women do.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 9:20 am to Hogwarts
quote:
it seems out of the blue in one person’s view, 99 percent of the time, there is someone else involved, probably Jody.
If he doesn’t even care to ask it was neither quick nor out of the blue
Posted on 7/5/20 at 9:21 am to Tiger2287
quote:
I let me husband keep everything, except me car.
quote:
He just had to pay dor our divorce and pay split the cost of the things that is for the kids
Is it just you, or is he a pirate too?
Them's that die be the lucky ones. Arrrrgh!
Posted on 7/5/20 at 9:50 am to TigerMatt225
quote:
TigerMatt225
quote:
Will cover, you commented on a thread I was in when all this started. You spoke about smart contact and all that stuff. Your advice was great for me at the time and I have learned about the term limerance. I figured out not long into this that there was a Jody. Just took a while to put it together
Have you decided what you want to do? If you want her back and you want to save the relationship, you are going to have to work on yourself first and foremost. You’ll want to create the best version of you. Right now, they’re in that “romance “ stage and only positives are seen about each other. That will fade in time and what was once promising for them will slowly fade. As hard as it is, you’ll have to become her “safe space” —- hate that cuck phrase —- for her to confide in and not pass judgment. It will suck and be excruciatingly difficult to listen to. You’ll also have to work on forgiveness, regardless on whether or not you work things out, because if you don’t, it will be you that will continue to hurt while she will have moved on (although not truly dealing with her own issues - they’ll carry over into the next relationship for her).
But if you decide you don’t want her back, you’ll still need to work on you. For now and for later when you meet someone again. Nothing is an emergency, so take your time and decide what YOU want to do. Not family, not friends. They’re all biased and while they think they are helping, they aren’t. This decision is between you and your wife — and mainly you for now because your wife isn’t capable of making a decision about the future for the two of you while she is involved with another man. So, that’s why I say take your time.
This post was edited on 7/5/20 at 10:01 am
Posted on 7/5/20 at 10:00 am to lepdagod
Talk her into using a mediator.
Get in good shape.
Look ahead more than back.
Get in good shape.
Look ahead more than back.
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