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Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:18 am to lsuguy13
I've had two children and both times in the first year there was a period where my husband and I didn't like each other very much. It really wasn't that our relationship was doomed, just that we were going through a very difficult time exacerbated by being tired and emotionally exhausted taking care of a creature that can't do anything except take. We weren't taking care of ourselves or each other. It was temporary and we pushed through and we found our happy together again both times.
Does your girlfriend do most of the childcare? Because if so, she might be burned out. My husband has never been an infant/baby person so I naturally took on most the of the care the first year. It wears on you and it is very easy to slip into resentment because while the father may have had a big change in his life, reality is that mom's life/body/hormones/mental health has been through the wringer. If she hasn't been able to take care of herself (which is 99% of first year moms I personally know) and you haven't been taking care of her and been gradually taking on more childcare after the newborn phase, she is probably going to be cranky and not pleasant to be around. My husband took on more when our kids started walking and eating regular food (so a year old). Strangely, this is when we stopped hating each other both times.
TL;DR- Don't make permanent decisions on what might be temporary feelings/situation.
Does your girlfriend do most of the childcare? Because if so, she might be burned out. My husband has never been an infant/baby person so I naturally took on most the of the care the first year. It wears on you and it is very easy to slip into resentment because while the father may have had a big change in his life, reality is that mom's life/body/hormones/mental health has been through the wringer. If she hasn't been able to take care of herself (which is 99% of first year moms I personally know) and you haven't been taking care of her and been gradually taking on more childcare after the newborn phase, she is probably going to be cranky and not pleasant to be around. My husband took on more when our kids started walking and eating regular food (so a year old). Strangely, this is when we stopped hating each other both times.
TL;DR- Don't make permanent decisions on what might be temporary feelings/situation.
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:19 am to lsuguy13
ANd quit listening to the people giving you crap for not being married like that means fricking anything. It’s a piece of paper that means absolutely zero in reality.
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:24 am to lsuguy13
quote:
So nurse you think me proposing and putting a ring on it just erases all these issues ?
No, and if you think so...you are dumb.
Does she get any time to herself now on a regular basis? Do you offer to care for your daughter so she can go have lunch with a friend or get a manicure or something that just gets her out the house for a few hours?
Do you still have date nights with her now? Get someone to watch the baby and give her a reason to get dressed up and go somewhere?
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:24 am to Averytiger
If y’all like each other and wanna build a relationship it’s just as easy to do married or not married. Raising a kid is just as easy. Having dinner together is just as easy. The people claiming she needs a ring are just southern redneck hillbillies with a Louisiana education. Don’t fall for it.
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:25 am to Benne Wafer
Thanks benne. I believe most of what you described was spot on to how our dynamic has been. She does most of the childcare and she is feeling a little burnt out. Now that Charli (our daughter) is becoming “easier” to take care of, I have been helping out more.
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:25 am to lsuguy13
quote:
So nurse you think me proposing and putting a ring on it just erases all these issues ?
You need to talk to your SO to get to the root of the problem, not something a message board can solve for you. Don’t go into it pointing fingers or telling her she always complains though.
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:26 am to Benne Wafer
quote:
my husband and I didn't like each other
Bene Wafer - you got big uns ?
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:27 am to lsuguy13
Congrats on being stuck with her for the rest of your life..
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:28 am to lsunurse
Yeah I paid for a mani and peddi last week for her. I took her and our daughter to a nice dinner last night and the week before I surprised her and got a baby sitter and went on a very nice date. Having said that, in the past month I made a decision to try and do more things like that because something had to change bc it was getting so bad. So far I have not noticed any results but I’m going to keep trying and biting my tongue when she is being a bitch and not engage.
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:30 am to lsuguy13
Have you ever just sat down and talked with her about this? Asked her why is she unhappy?
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:30 am to Mo Jeaux
quote:
Having a child out of wedlock is trashy
It’s a bad deal for the parents, the kid, and the extended families.
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:31 am to lsuguy13
By saying "I paid for" it doesn’t sound like much of a team going on in the way of finances?
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:32 am to lsuguy13
Does she have any money of her own?
What did she do before she stopped working?
What did she do before she stopped working?
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:32 am to lsuguy13
quote:
So nurse you think me proposing and putting a ring on it just erases all these issues ?
Dude, you have a lot of life lessons to learn. Man the frick up. Do your part around the house. You're in this relationship one way or another for the rest of your life. My wife and I share the household workload. This is a team effort to make the best life possible. Your SO is not your personal slave. If you want your relationship to flourish, then you need to change your attitude. It takes two people giving their best effort to make it work.
If you're unwilling to make the sacrifices needed to have a successful and love filled relationship, then prepare to move on and pay child support. Honestly, considering you haven't asked her to marry you, then I have to believe you're the one uncommitted to the long-term success of your relationship.
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:34 am to lsuguy13
Nobody likes women. We just put up with them cause they own all the vaginas
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:36 am to AlbertPoolHoles
quote:
If y’all like each other and wanna build a relationship it’s just as easy to do married or not married. Raising a kid is just as easy. Having dinner together is just as easy. The people claiming she needs a ring are just southern redneck hillbillies with a Louisiana education. Don’t fall for it.
They're also hillbillies who don't understand how hormones in the body change after pregnancy.
Putting a ring on it will not change her physiological issues, nor will most of the other ill-informed hocus-pocus nonsense in this thread.
There are medical and psychological things that she needs help with.
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:37 am to lsunurse
Yeah there are a few things, with the biggest being her moving from Florida to Louisiana. Other being, I don’t treat her the same way I did in the beginning, and it’s hard for me too bc she wasn’t kinda a crazy bitch in the beginning which sometimes she can be. She says I make her that way etc. whole chicken and egg.
With regards to the move, I had a really good business opportunity that was my dream job available, our lease was up in Florida, opportunity to move into a brand new house, and my family is more supportive and better to be around. Her mom is an alcoholic, her sister is active drug addict, and her dad deported to Canada. Wasn’t much in way of family help.
With regards to the move, I had a really good business opportunity that was my dream job available, our lease was up in Florida, opportunity to move into a brand new house, and my family is more supportive and better to be around. Her mom is an alcoholic, her sister is active drug addict, and her dad deported to Canada. Wasn’t much in way of family help.
Posted on 2/4/18 at 10:37 am to MardiGrasCajun
quote:
Man the frick up. Do your part around the house
He’s the sole breadwinner. Get this white knight bullshite out of here.
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