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Message
re: Is having kids worth it?
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:15 am to bad93ex
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:15 am to bad93ex
quote:
I wish more people understood this, parents can do everything right to set their kids up for success but they're still individuals who can make up their own mind to be shitty.
100%. People have to make choices and all you can do as a parent is influence. When they're young, you can try to be more domineering in your home but ultimately, none of us truly "control" anyone else. That's quite a jarring thing to come to terms with, the fact that none of us are truly in control of anything. You may be in charge, but in charge and in control aren't the same.
0
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:16 am to Pettifogger
Gotcha. 
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:16 am to Deuces
Yes. Mine are grown now but I must say I worry more about them as adults than when they were children. They're doing well, I just worry more for some reason
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:19 am to Pettifogger
I wasn't arguing either 
I don't see anyone arguing in here.
I don't see anyone arguing in here.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:19 am to bad93ex
quote:
I wish more people understood this, parents can do everything right to set their kids up for success but they're still individuals who can make up their own mind to be shitty.
I think this is one of those things where we all know this, but people are guarded on acknowledging it.
Good parents most often produce good kids. This is obvious to anyone who parents and does it reasonably well. But, sometimes you mess it up, or sometimes it's a really hard kid and you don't get the approach right, and then in even rarer cases there are probably kids that most reasonable, good parents would not have been able to course-correct.
But I think so many parents see bad parenting - some of whom use the "hard kid" excuse - and thus are reluctant to acknowledge the exception for fear of giving license to bad parents to keep being bad parents.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:22 am to bad93ex
quote:
I wish more people understood this, parents can do everything right to set their kids up for success but they're still individuals who can make up their own mind to be shitty.
Oh, absolutely. Without going into too much detail, I know folks whose children who have died of heroin overdoses and came from outstanding parents whose other children are very successful.
I'm not as concerned with that as I would be concerned that I have a child with special needs I'm not equipped to handle. In the past 5 years, three people I know have given birth to children with down's syndrome. All 3 with no family history of it. Wild.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:22 am to Deuces
I am 40 with 3 small kids.
Let me shoot you straight.
Raising small kids after 35 is a chore. It's easier in many respects, harder in others.
You need to be fully onboard because those kids will stretch you at times mentally, physically, etc.
I also would only pursue if my partner was fully committed and onboard. It doesn't take a village. It takes 2 committed, loving parents willing to make sacrafices.
Let me shoot you straight.
Raising small kids after 35 is a chore. It's easier in many respects, harder in others.
You need to be fully onboard because those kids will stretch you at times mentally, physically, etc.
I also would only pursue if my partner was fully committed and onboard. It doesn't take a village. It takes 2 committed, loving parents willing to make sacrafices.
This post was edited on 12/10/25 at 11:25 am
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:22 am to Pettifogger
quote:
No not at all, you and I were discussing that particular view (who will care for you, etc.) and my response about Christmas/beach were a specific retort (personal to me) on that thinking. And then two other posters responded to that, so I was clarifying.
Bro nobody is arguing with you. I made a lighthearted comment. Jeez
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:24 am to LouisianaLady
quote:
s I would be concerned that I have a child with special needs I'm not equipped to handle.
You'd be surprised what you're capable of handling when the opportunity presents itself. My youngest is special needs, and it's been a challenge (not near what many other families have to deal with), but I couldn't imagine not having him.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:26 am to gmrkr5
quote:
Bro nobody is arguing with you. I made a lighthearted comment. Jeez
"Bro" nobody accused you of anything
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:27 am to LBro337
quote:
My oldest, nearly 2, is my absolute best friend and I cant wait to watch him grow up. Do it, without hesitation.
That time will fly by faster than you imagine. Continue to cherish every small moment. Kids have brought a level of joy to my life that I never knew existed.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:29 am to Pettifogger
quote:
"Bro" nobody accused you of anything
Ok bro
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:29 am to Deuces
Absolutely! We have 4. 2 off at college and 2 still at home. I actually, at times, wish I had more.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:30 am to gmrkr5
quote:
Ok bro
I tell you, these prejudices against no kid people
where could they possibly derive from
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:30 am to Deuces
I've got a 3 year old, 1 year old, and one on the way.
You should not have kids until you're ready, and if you never feel ready, you should never have kids.
I was ready and we're so exhausted but it's fun as shite.
You should not have kids until you're ready, and if you never feel ready, you should never have kids.
I was ready and we're so exhausted but it's fun as shite.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:32 am to Deuces
100% yes
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:33 am to Pettifogger
quote:
I tell you, these prejudices against no kid people where could they possibly derive from
Lol what a fricking weirdo.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:33 am to Deuces
yes
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:33 am to Deuces
I wanted kids and had kids. Kids are great.
But--now that I'm 50 and my wife is 45 with no kids in the house, this is way better. I couldn't imagine not being able to pick up and go on trips at a moment's notice. And not having that extra responsibility and more cash in your wallet is really nice.
But--now that I'm 50 and my wife is 45 with no kids in the house, this is way better. I couldn't imagine not being able to pick up and go on trips at a moment's notice. And not having that extra responsibility and more cash in your wallet is really nice.
Posted on 12/10/25 at 11:36 am to LouisianaLady
quote:
Oh, absolutely. Without going into too much detail, I know folks whose children who have died of heroin overdoses and came from outstanding parents whose other children are very successful.
I'm not as concerned with that as I would be concerned that I have a child with special needs I'm not equipped to handle. In the past 5 years, three people I know have given birth to children with down's syndrome. All 3 with no family history of it. Wild.
Some folks may look down on me for it, but Idk that I could deal with a moderate to severe special needs child. Maybe when you have them it's different but I just don't think I'm wired with the patience needed.
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