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re: If you’re a man, nobody cares how you feel.

Posted on 2/24/25 at 1:46 pm to
Posted by LSUfan20005
Member since Sep 2012
9137 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 1:46 pm to
quote:

keep reading on twitter that men especially aren’t supposed to reveal their feelings to their wives or girlfriends, that these women will use their emotions against them, etc. I don’t think my wife does that, but what do y’all think in general?


It’s not intentional. Women think they want you to reveal your emotions and feelings, they genuinely THINK this. But once you do, their DNA kicks in and you immediately become less attractive.

Posted by Earnest_P
Member since Aug 2021
5076 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 1:49 pm to
quote:

It’s not intentional. Women think they want you to reveal your emotions and feelings, they genuinely THINK this. But once you do, their DNA kicks in and you immediately become less attractive.


Which would explain how the stereotype of the emotionless man came to be.
Posted by AwgustaDawg
CSRA
Member since Jan 2023
13279 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 1:50 pm to
quote:

All that matters is what you say and do.

True or false.


True. This is why most men are unable to convey their feelings and are loathe to do so. Its not a bad thing, just part of being a man.
Posted by LemmyLives
Texas
Member since Mar 2019
13326 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 1:53 pm to
quote:

it’s still not best for me to reveal these things to her or to anyone.

In the end, it doesn’t matter how I feel. Only what I do.

Your last line is something you'll end up mumbling to yourself as you burn your house down. Get a therapist on Talkspace or similar, today.
Posted by AwgustaDawg
CSRA
Member since Jan 2023
13279 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 1:53 pm to
quote:

We’ve been told that women want sensitive men, but is that just marketing?



Women want men who are sensitive to THEIR needs and desires, not a man who is sensitive to anything else. Maybe the needs of the woman's children and maybe her parents and siblings but those needs are really just hers to begin with. This is a good thing because most men are not aware of their feelings and couldn't articulate them on a dare.......
Posted by jizzle6609
Houston
Member since Jul 2009
17483 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 1:54 pm to
This is 100% true for white men.

No one care how we feel that is 100% fact.
Posted by jizzle6609
Houston
Member since Jul 2009
17483 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 1:55 pm to
quote:

I don't need anyone to care how I feel. My feelings are my emotions, not someone else's.


Agreed, so everyone needs to stop tippy toing around different races and mentally ill people.

Call a spade a spade regardless of color.
Posted by SallysHuman
Lady Palmetto Bug
Member since Jan 2025
13754 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 1:56 pm to
quote:

We’ve been told that women want sensitive men, but is that just marketing?


'Sensitive Men' have definitely been glorified. IME, when a woman ends up with that perfect 'sensitive man', she winds up disgusted with him. I think women might like the IDEA of a sensitive man, but in reality have no respect for them.
Posted by jizzle6609
Houston
Member since Jul 2009
17483 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 1:56 pm to
quote:

Women want men who are sensitive to THEIR needs and desires, not a man who is sensitive to anything else. Maybe the needs of the woman's children and maybe her parents and siblings but those needs are really just hers to begin with. This is a good thing because most men are not aware of their feelings and couldn't articulate them on a dare.......


This is not all women, just the ones you want to stay away from.
Posted by Earnest_P
Member since Aug 2021
5076 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 1:57 pm to
Salmon, I appreciate that post and you’re right about twitter, but I think it’s worth asking ourselves whether our relative openness is helping or hurting family life.

One thing this thought experiment has reinforced to me is the value of friends, male spaces, sports teams, etc. and the loss of these things as my life has gone on.

We can’t just bottle everything up, but maybe we also shouldn’t spill it out at home.
Posted by LSUfan20005
Member since Sep 2012
9137 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 1:57 pm to
This is why one of my biggest pieces of advice to men in their 20’s is to hold onto your guy friends as long as possible
Posted by Topwater Trout
Red Stick
Member since Oct 2010
69517 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 1:57 pm to
quote:

A lot of modern women (not all) view emotion from men as a weakness


they complain one way or another...just gives them a reason to bitch about something
Posted by AwgustaDawg
CSRA
Member since Jan 2023
13279 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 1:59 pm to
quote:

A lot of modern women (not all) view emotion from men as a weakness. They need men to be emotionless to anchor down their emotional chaos. If you add to the chaos, you aren't any good to them.



Oh they want you ALL involved in THEIR emotional chaos, just not you adding to it. You have to be on their side or you are against them.

My wife is about as close to being emotionally male as a woman can get. Its one of the reasons we have managed to stay together for nearly 40 years. She is, however, a woman and does, from time to time, enjoy some mild drama. Its rare and relatively benign but it does come to the surface from time to time.
Posted by SteveLSU35
Shreveport
Member since Mar 2004
14859 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 2:04 pm to
I know this isn't the same for everyone, but I have a really great group of friends. Not only do we hold each other accountable in life, but also are there to listen around the campfire when you need to vent or have some issues.

I know the sentiment is that "no one cares", or "what does it matter". The thing is.........even though there might not be a solution to your issue just being heard is helpful. Repenting or just simply talking to God can do wonders, but you might not like the direction he sends you. Though it's the best thing for you.
This post was edited on 2/24/25 at 2:16 pm
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
85370 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 2:09 pm to
quote:

but I think it’s worth asking ourselves whether our relative openness is helping or hurting family life


If I didn't truly believe my wife cared about my feelings, or that she would use my feelings against me, I wouldn't be with her. That is toxic as frick.

quote:

We can’t just bottle everything up, but maybe we also shouldn’t spill it out at home.


I was raised in the "nobody cares, work harder" mentality generation, so I have tendency to bottle it up until it starts affecting me, to which my wife will notice and she will actively pry it out of me.

There are some things that I can handle, so I don't share, but some things I should probably share sooner. She is my life partner. I (we) shouldn't keep those things from her.

Its something that I'm working on.
Posted by Akit1
Baton Rouge, LA
Member since Jul 2006
8195 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 2:17 pm to
Makes me think of Gus in Breaking Bad

“And a man, a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man.”
Posted by LemmyLives
Texas
Member since Mar 2019
13326 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 2:20 pm to
quote:

If I didn't truly believe my wife cared about my feelings


But they have to *act* like they care. Many times, I watch men get shite on by their wives making decisions, being ultra late, etc., which dump 99% of the "deal with it," work on the man.

Flippant example: Any time ex wife and I would drive to BR, (both WFH for years) I had an advertised time to leave to avoid getting hammered in BR traffic trying to cross the bridge. This window of opportunity would come, and go, with us leaving the house 90-120 minutes after the target time, costing us at least an hour in traffic hell. Why? The floor needed to be vacuumed again, now is when the holiday decorations need to come out of the garage, etc. Why did she not care? I would be the one dealing with bumper to bumper traffic while she's on the phone. If she acted like she cared, she'd at least apologize for the blood pressure maximization exercise that she created in me.
Posted by Earnest_P
Member since Aug 2021
5076 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 2:31 pm to
quote:

Why did she not care?


My sons will be told, above almost everything else, to look for a wife who is kind to them.

If a girl isn’t kind to you when love first blooms, how’s it going to be when you hit a mid-life crisis and lose confidence or your erection?
This post was edited on 2/24/25 at 2:33 pm
Posted by Dadren
Jawja
Member since Dec 2023
3073 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 2:36 pm to
quote:


I keep reading on twitter that men especially aren’t supposed to reveal their feelings to their wives or girlfriends, that these women will use their emotions against them, etc.

I don’t think my wife does that, but what do y’all think in general?

We’ve been told that women want sensitive men, but is that just marketing?
I’m pretty pro-relationship/pro-women, but IMO, this is one area where women (not all, but a lot) often just kinda suck.

As far as I can work out, the expectation is that you share when asked, but don’t overshare. Often, the reason you’re being asked is because you’re “being a certain way” and the woman asking isn’t necessarily trying to help, they’re just collecting data.

Not all the time, but this is the case way too often. I will say though, if someone is actually going to care, it’s most likely going to be a woman in your life.
Posted by caro81
Member since Jul 2017
6015 posts
Posted on 2/24/25 at 2:37 pm to
quote:


All that matters is what you say and do.

True or false.


shut up and get back to work
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