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Message

re: I think my wife is being selfish

Posted on 8/27/18 at 7:21 am to
Posted by p&g
Dixie
Member since Jun 2005
12995 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 7:21 am to
Give her some street drugs.
Posted by thejudge
Westlake, LA
Member since Sep 2009
15245 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 7:30 am to
quote:

Started about 2 years ago and has progressively gotten worse.



Did y'all have a kid around this time? Postpartum can be a bitch and throw some things out of whack hormonally.

She may need to go get some bloodwork to see what's going on.
Posted by The Torch
DFW The Dub
Member since Aug 2014
30401 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 7:36 am to
Jody plows it daily
Posted by Hazelnut
Member since May 2011
16466 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 7:37 am to
quote:

OweO
quote:

Also, i will tell her to leave my house earlier. She comes over on Tuesday & Thursdays. I'll make sure she picks the kids up this week.

Well, the OP did say she's been doing volunteer work so I can believe this is a thing.
Posted by Sody Cracker
Distemper Ward
Member since May 2016
3409 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 7:37 am to
quote:

She doesn’t even have to work. She chooses to be stressed.


She wants martyrdom. Praise her efforts and make it clear you are in awe of her. If that doesn't work, divorce her.
Posted by TheOcean
#honeyfriedchicken
Member since Aug 2004
46669 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 7:40 am to
When is the last time you two went on a date?
Posted by mikelbr
Baton Rouge
Member since Apr 2008
49099 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 7:45 am to
quote:

She used to be fun but now she doesn’t really want to go anywhere or do anything that doesn’t involve one of her volunteer projects or work or church. What the deal is?


Join a co-ed fitness(running, xfit, gym, yoga, etc) group that meets when she can't. Even little ole BR has groups meeting from 4am-9pm almost daily. Find the one with the hottest chicks.


Problem Solved.
This post was edited on 8/27/18 at 7:46 am
Posted by tgrbaitn08
Member since Dec 2007
148031 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 7:48 am to
quote:


When is the last time you two went on a date?


Together?
Posted by Mr. Hangover
New Orleans
Member since Sep 2003
34932 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 7:51 am to
Tyga, serious question: what are her social media posting habits?
Posted by nolady007
Member since Aug 2018
5 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 8:04 am to
She’s not happy.
She’s bringing home work and no one else else at her place of work bring as much home - she’s avoiding having to deal with her home life by drowning herself in work.
She’s ignoring responsibilities around the house, pushing off whatever chores she can to you (like laundry, cleaning and picking up the kids) - also avoiding having to deal with home life.
She’s only engaging in the things that make her happy like church, volunteering, etc - again, avoiding home life.
I did all the same things before I filed for divorce.
Get counseling or prepare for divorce.
It’s not going to get better on it’s own. Phases don’t last for 2+ years.
This post was edited on 8/27/18 at 8:06 am
Posted by When in Rome
Telegraph Road
Member since Jan 2011
36241 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 8:06 am to
quote:

Cleaning up after another grownup is a different story.
Then hire a housekeeper.
quote:

I need to feel productive all the time
There are plenty of other things that you can do to be productive and find fulfillment. This will free up your time to do yard work, cook/clean up after cooking, spend more time with your kids, take your wife out to do something fun, and spend less time cleaning up after your wife, which obviously causes tension in the house. You said she doesn't need to work, so use her extra income to hire a housekeeper that comes in once or twice per week.

Also, take a previous poster's advice to get to the root of the over-extension issue:

quote:

It honestly sounds like she reached a point in her life where she felt like she wasn’t fulfilled or possibly felt like she wasn’t making a difference to the world or society and has overextended in the other direction. Could really do some good to just talk to her about where all this is rooted. Don’t come from the standpoint that volunteering and working hard is a bad thing, but bring it to her attention that there’s been a change in the household/marriage dynamic and inquire about her thoughts on the situation. That should at the very least give you an idea of what’s going on and possibly ways to productively manage things from there.
Posted by mikelbr
Baton Rouge
Member since Apr 2008
49099 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 8:09 am to
quote:


She’s not happy.
She’s bringing home work and no one else else at her place of work bring as much home - she’s avoiding having to deal with her home life by drowning herself in work.
She’s ignoring responsibilities around the house, pushing off whatever chores she can to you (like laundry, cleaning and picking up the kids) - also avoiding having to deal with home life.
She’s only engaging in the things that make her happy like church, volunteering, etc - again, avoiding home life.
I did all the same things before I filed for divorce.
Get counseling or prepare for divorce.
It’s not going to get better on it’s own. Phases don’t last for 2+ years.


quote:

nolady007
1st Post?

Who dis ?

This post was edited on 8/27/18 at 8:10 am
Posted by nolady007
Member since Aug 2018
5 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 8:15 am to
Long time reader. First time poster.
Couldn’t help it. This sounded SO familiar.
Posted by StupidBinder
Jawja
Member since Oct 2017
6392 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 8:18 am to
quote:

I don’t mind doing the bulk of the chores. I need to feel productive all the time so cleaning the house doesn’t bother me.


quote:

I’ll clean up after kids but I’m not cleaning up a grown woman’s mess”


So you don’t mind doing the work...it just irritates you to do the work for her?

If I were you, I’d sit down and think about why that might be the case.
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
71132 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 8:19 am to
She clearly feels overwhelmed.
Posted by nolady007
Member since Aug 2018
5 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 8:23 am to
One more thing: when you adddress the issue and suggest counseling, do not say “you.” She’ll get defensive and shut down.
Make this about your needs. “I’m not happy, I’d like to go to counseling. I. I. I.”
Not saying “you” is harder than you think. Practice beforehand.
I’m out.
Good luck.
This post was edited on 8/27/18 at 8:29 am
Posted by LSUERDOC
Member since Jul 2013
2608 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 8:30 am to
She’s probably depressed and is using all of these projects to keep her mind off her stressors.
Posted by Tyga Woods
South Central Jupiter Island, FL
Member since Sep 2016
42887 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 8:31 am to
quote:

Did y'all have a kid around this time?


We did not. Our youngest is 8
Posted by StupidBinder
Jawja
Member since Oct 2017
6392 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 8:32 am to
I’m not even sure if the OP needs counseling. It sounds like he just needs to step into her world a bit and reengage with her.

If I were him, I’d sit down with her while she does her projects and offer help every once in a while. Or when she’s laying in bed watching Netflix, just roll up beside her (w/o PIIHB) and watch whatever she’s watching with her.

Eventually, she’ll ask what’s going on and I would just say, “I miss you. Just want to spend some time with you”. Boom. Fixed.
Posted by Areddishfish
The Wild West
Member since Oct 2015
6538 posts
Posted on 8/27/18 at 8:33 am to
Posts like these further my belief that if the thread isn't article based, it is all lies.
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