re: I think my wife is being selfish

Dude, you better get to talking with her.

You show her any sexual attention or romance? If not she is filling her time with other things. Be thankful it is these things and not, "Honey, im headed out again, will be back later. I forgot the milk at the store"...and two hours later returns with an incredible story about bumping into an old friend.

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I’m doing laundry while she’s in bed watching Netflix. That’s fine. Most of the laundry is hers but whatever. She has papers and pictures all over the dining room table. She put them there. If I move them, it will surely be to the wrong place. Tomorrow when she gets home she will bitch about the mess on the table

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Quit doing her laundry and quit moving her pictures around.

Exclusive pic of OP’s wife’s Jody

Tell her that she needs to learn how to tell other people no, not just you.

Tell her she can volunteer on these other projects after she gets the house in order.
Help her prioritize her volunteer work. If she resists your help, let her know that when you two were married that the two of you became "one flesh". This one body needs to prioritize your time together, especially if it is stressing one or both of you.

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Sitting her down and bitching to her about it is the #1 thing I Don’t recommend.

I don’t think flirting with other people is a positive thing in relationships, from either side. Jealousy won’t fix it. It’s a respect issue. Taking care of yourself helps for sure. It builds confidence, as does going out with friends and taking on new hobbies (challenging ones). It’s about building a piece of life separate from your spouse. There’s confidence and independence to be found in that, and women will respect it. You don’t do it for them, you do it for you but they’ll see it. And other women will see it to.

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Spot-on

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HIRE A HOUSE CLEANER

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I don’t mind doing the bulk of the chores. I need to feel productive all the time so cleaning the house doesn’t bother me.

Cleaning up after another grownup is a different story. She has been doing all her projects and shite this weekend. In the morning, she’ll be scrambling for something to wear for work. She will dump a basket of clothes on the bed, some will spill onto the floor, she’ll head off to work without cleaning her mess. I’ll be damned if I clean it up. When she gets home she will complain about the bedroom always being a mess. If she says something to me about it, I’ll tell her what I’ve told her many times before “ I’ll clean up after kids but I’m not cleaning up a grown woman’s mess”

she doesn't want to spend time with you. time to have a talk with her and get your own hobbies.

It sounds like you need the dick.

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I’m not even that upset about our relationship.

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that could be a big reason why she feels so indifferent to your relationship as well

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We don’t hang out as much as we used to but we have different interests.

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that could also be a big reason why she feels so indifferent to your relationship as well

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I just want her to stop being a slob and bitching about things that she has full control over.

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umm dude, she cant control your total lack of caring about your relationship she also most likely feels trapped herself and escapes thinking about how little you care for her any more by immersing herself in exhausting endeavors like work and charities rather then be home where you show indifference to her.

when was the last time you made any effort to show how much you still love her? bitches need constant reminders of that or at some point they give up on a relationship and there is no fixing it.

you have 2 choices at this point, seek joint counseling immediately or call a divorce lawyer because she most likely already has one picked out