re: I don't know how regular folk get by with multiple kids. The cost is absurd.

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We have two. Travel hockey alone costs us about $20k a year for one

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you dropping $20k on someone else’s kid to play hockey?

I feel you brother, same reasons we do it. Puts life in perspective. Regardless of income, I feel like the richest man in La.

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Our first born was a difficult time. (1980)
Neonatal intensive care, 2 surgeries before he was 10 days old. Released after 28 days. I woke up $85k in debt. I had started my business 8 mos earlier. Lots beans and weiners for dinner. . Blue Cross Blue Shield maternity only covers well baby care. Occupational and Physical therapy for the next 16 years.
That’s just money and more money.
Woman's Hosp in BR discharged my wife and she was the only one being wheeled to the door without her baby, that screwed me up for a long time.

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And people who haven't been through this will never understand the toll it takes...financially and emotionally. And the negative repercussions that endure. Oftentimes it is the same people who love to preach about "poor life choices" broadly when doling out their financial wisdom.

Travel hockey is a choice. Pediatric ICU and cancer care are not. But you don't get any bonus points for being in debt for the latter.

Special needs children are a gift from god.


By Emily Perl Kingsley

©1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

We have 3 (4th on the way). I dont know if I'd want to actually do the math on all of that, but some of these numbers seem wild.

We probably dont spend more than $500/yr on our oldest's rec leagues (just not about that travel ball life; there's other extracurriculars we put emphasis on).

But, we also live on a 10 acre farm, so there's alot for them to do around here. Also have pretty decent health insurance. We're also a single income household and homeschool, so that limits our disposable income (which is still roughly 20-25% of my take home), but also saves us on alot of the typical school expenses.