How To Politely Decline Being Best Man

I Introduced this guy on accident and he thinks he owes me. My wife and I were taking her friend out to dinner and I didn't want to be the third wheel and he had texted me that he was in town so I invited him to join so it wasn't me and 2 women blabbing about nothing. He thinks it was us arranging them to meet. It really wasn't, he doesn't owe me anything lol and I just dont want best man responsibilities for a wedding in new york, a wedding I probably wouldn't attend anyways.

Aside from introducing him to his soon to be wife which was more bc two people were 35 and single and happened to meet via friends,I just wouldn't have anything to really say in a speech. We're just casual friends,met through mutual friends. We grab dinner when he's in town,but nothing to where I have hilarious stories to share or anything in a wedding speech. It was just so awkward he asked, he said he owed me big time for introducing him to his wife. I didn't want to burst his bubble and say it was an accident bc he really believes we somehow arranged it bc he was in town visiting.

If that is all true, I'd more than likely say he's just saying all that because he has no one else to ask. But as sad as that is it isn't something you should have to stress over being so far away anyway. If you lived in the same city, I'd probably recommend being the nice guy and playing the part for the night, but half a country away I don't think its realistic the way you describe. That's way too much obligation and work for someone you don't know that well just to be compassionate, considering the cost of travel and all the other things a best man is responsible for.

Don't be a self-centered "it inconveniences me" d bag. Accept graciously and bring some joy to their lives by going out of your way to help make their wedding great. Best Man is a lot more than giving a couple of speeches and planning a party. Besides that, you get to have a Bachelor Party and a wedding in New York. Enjoy it. Someday soon you won't be attending weddings anymore and you will miss the fun.

I recently did this for a guy I've only known about 4 years. We are late 30's, she is early 40's and it was both of their second marriages. To me, at that age, and on a second marriage it's silly to have a wedding anyway but it's probably her that wants it. If they are wanting you to travel, lodge, have a tux, they need to offer upfront to pay for all that. If they did, you could look at it as more of a paid vacation than being best man. There's really no duties or speeches like someone said, if you don't want to do that.

As far as why he's asking you, I don't think it has to do with you introducing them, so he feels obligated to pay you back. Best man at our age is as much of a hassle as an honor. Most likely he doesn't have anyone else to ask, or has already been turned down. In my buddies case, his dad is deceased, his brother was jealous and didn't even come, and another close friend he had was also real jealous and pretty much quit talking to him when they first started dating. In his case, after a 10 year marriage ended he was pretty much starting over from scratch with nothing. No close guy friends, no money, etc. I didn't think twice about doing it. I thought it was an honor and it turned out to be a real cool experience.

I think it just boils down to how much do you care about them both. They may be trying to decide if they really want to have a wedding if they can get someone to stand in for him. If they have one anyway but you turn it down expect your relationship to deteriorate. If they decide, hey lets just do something simple with no one else involved, you may have saved them both a bunch of time and money.

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just wanted to make sure he doesn't hate me for not really being gung ho about it all.

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If you decline Being best man it will fundamentally change your relationship. Unless you can convince him that it was his idea to ask someone else. And that takes skills and the ability to read people that this thread tells me you don't have.

I seriously doubt he just thinks he owes you. You might be his only friend that isn't married or dating one of her friends.

Good luck.

Just politely tell him that you are, by only the broadest of definitions, a man at all and certainly not a 'best man'. If he has any questions about this in the least, just have him check with the overwhelming majority of the O-T. As big of a douche as you are on here I don't see how anyone can stand your company IRL.

De gustibus non est disputandem.

What's the obligation of being a best man? I think my best man planned the bachelor party, but it's not like that took a lot of effort. Just booked a few rooms. Maid of Honor, yeah, going to be busy. Best Man......not so much. Still kind of awkward, but some people just don't get super close with people. If he thinks of you as a close friend, then maybe he doesn't expect all that much from a Best Man anyway.

Or just frick his fiance. That'd probably get you out of the duties.

That's a tough one.

Maybe somehow convince him that another person may feel slighted if he didn't ask them.They may be expecting it.