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re: How long have you been married?

Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:30 am to
Posted by momentoftruth87
Member since Oct 2013
71551 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:30 am to
quote:

You didn't know how old she was until you were about to get married?!?


Never really thought about it. Knew her bday, but not year. And yes, I looked like an idiot in the courthouse
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32715 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:31 am to
How did her parents handle it? I'm only coming to two conclusions: super religious and thrilled, or they still fricking hate you
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
81222 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:32 am to
quote:

she said 1990


Wow. I'm also 30 and can't imagine being married 13 years by now. Kudos to y'all.
Posted by concrete_tiger
Member since May 2020
6052 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:32 am to
17 years this May.

So far, so good!

*edited to add, my wife's best friend (no pics, but you would appreciate her) has been married 3 times, and has kids with each. She's a damn mess, and it's never the guy's fault, and I'm pretty sure she's about to get a divorce.

When my wife hangs up the phone with her, I'm like....why do you ask her for advice on anything? Maybe it's good if you wife has a fricked up friend?
This post was edited on 4/27/21 at 10:36 am
Posted by momentoftruth87
Member since Oct 2013
71551 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:35 am to
Her dad, brother, and sister live in the UK still. Her mum passed away a few years ago and she was actually the one to reach out to me. I was in Iraq and Her mum sent me letters, wife was in a relationship and left for me, when I got back. Got married a few months later.

Her mum left her dad and they ended up in this small rural town. Crazy story huh?
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32715 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:36 am to
quote:

Crazy story huh?

Probably, none of what you typed makes much sense to me though
Posted by momentoftruth87
Member since Oct 2013
71551 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:37 am to
I didn't just make this stuff up any other questions?
Posted by Mouth
Member since Jan 2008
20986 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:38 am to
8 years.

and my wife is 100% ride or die. no matter what.
Posted by greenbean
USAF Retired
Member since Feb 2019
4646 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:38 am to
quote:

We still do couples things without our kids


Swingers?
Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32715 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:39 am to
quote:

any other questions

Oh, I believe you're telling the truth, I am just missing context I suppose.

Did she move here with her mom while her brother and dad stayed back in the UK?

Is this an arranged marriage of some sort?

A green card marriage?
Posted by soccerfüt
Location: A Series of Tubes
Member since May 2013
65852 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:40 am to
quote:

Sex is 1-2 times a week. Working on improving that.
In which direction? What's your definition of "improvement"?

More or less is what you desire?

Also, my perception is that Quality vs Quantity has a place in this discussion.
Posted by danilo
Member since Nov 2008
20228 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:41 am to
Mid 30s, never been married. I am open to the idea but not in a rush or hurry to. Can’t say it is something I need to do but not set against it.
Posted by momentoftruth87
Member since Oct 2013
71551 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:45 am to
quote:

Did she move here with her mom while her brother and dad stayed back in the UK?


Yes, her and her other brother came with. Her mum left her dad and the two other siblings were pretty much adults so they stayed in the UK.

quote:

Did she move here with her mom while her brother and dad stayed back in the UK?


Yes

quote:


Is this an arranged marriage of some sort?

A green card marriage?



She had her green card, but we finished her citizenship while I was in the military. Her brother that was here joined the Marines after me (I left right after graduation, he joined a bit after) and did his then.

Her mum married a guy she met over here on "holiday". So technically her mum is the bad one, rest her soul. He was a good guy until he retired and became an alcoholic. She passed in her sleep at 56. Terrible dealing with that.
Posted by GeauxTigerTM
Member since Sep 2006
30596 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:47 am to
quote:

People used to say things like, "It is healthy to fight!" and I always felt like that was just a justification for their own disrespectful relationship. We were both raised by parents who are still happily married and have never called each other a name or been disrespectful to each other.


This is one of the places where my wife and I are different. My wife's family was much more Brady Brunch than mine. Her Mom and Dad are about to make their 50th Anniversary in a few weeks. They ate dinner together every night, had what most people would consider as wholesome an upbringing as you could imagine. My mom died when I was really young, and had she lived I'm fairly certainly my parents would have split up, as I found out much later that my Dad was a serial cheater. My house hold was fairly crazy growing up, but I always just slid through it. I was never wired for all the drama. So it was one of those things that fit well when we met. While I had not grown up that way, it was the life I craved, so I fit perfectly.

quote:

We both genuinely enjoy the other person being there around our friends and hanging out. I feel lucky every day.


Yup. There have been times in our life where we've worked together. I mean...sure I love her, but I like her as well so I like spending time with her. If I didn't like her, what would be the point of all this? There are times when instead of telling her I love her, I tell her I like her and wink at her.

And just because this topic kind of demands this song...don't let his appearance get in the way of how sweet the song is at heart.

Tim Minchin - If I Didn't Have You
Posted by GreenRockTiger
vortex to the whirlpool of despair
Member since Jun 2020
42129 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:53 am to
19 years this July

Our oldest graduates from HS next month. We have 6 kids - so no problems in the sex department

He’s doing what he wants career wise, so am i - which luckily we are financially stable

He and I do things without our kids - but almost everything else is together - so we know our kids pretty well (we homeschool now too)

We were young and stupid when we got married, now I guess we are just older and stupid
Posted by Beauw
Blanchard
Member since Sep 2007
3512 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:56 am to
21 Years
Posted by GRTiger
On a roof eating alligator pie
Member since Dec 2008
63177 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 10:57 am to
11 years this June.

quote:

secrets to success




I guess just be stable and don't be a scum bag, and find someone who also seems stable and won't be a scum bag. Date long enough to discover all the red flags and determine if you can live with those. That part also allows him/her to see your red flags and make the same determination.

Even then, people change. Part of it is luck and/or deciding how much shite you want to eat should the changing spouse turn for the worse. If you stay close, loyal, and loving throughout, chances are higher you'll both change together and for the better, assuming aforementioned stability and general non-scumbagedness.
Posted by ssgrice
Arizona
Member since Nov 2008
3059 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 11:48 am to
Been together 30 years.
Dated 5 years, Married 25 years.

I guess you can say we had 5 year plans. We had unplanned help courtesy of Army deployments for some of this.

5 years dating before marriage.
5 years marriage before 1st kid.
5 years with 1st kid before second kid.

Try not going to bed while mad at the other. Sometimes this is hard, but it does work more than it doesn't.

We do lots of stuff together. (travel, camping/ glamping, hiking, biking, sporting events).
We also do stuff without each other. (fishing for me, shopping for her).
Find that balance that works for you. You don't need to be together for every single thing. You need to do your own thing sometimes.

I have my friends, she has her friends and we have our friends. We don't get caught up in someone else's drama nor do we drag anyone else into our drama.

We have a couple of date nights a month without the kids.
Sometimes we have a weekend getaway without the kids.

We tell each other in words and show each other in actions that we love them.

We are and always have been sexually compatible with each other. Sometimes we F@#$, sometimes we make love. Know the difference between the two and know when one is needed above the other.

We both have always been family first types, but we also know when we need just us time.

We have faith in God and know that we have been blessed.
We pray to God for help when we need it and thank God for the blessings He has given us always.

Marriage can be hard work, but both sides have to work towards achieving a happy marriage. You can't be one foot in, one foot out. Both of you are either all in or it isn't going to work.


Posted by Tiger Ryno
#WoF
Member since Feb 2007
103145 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 12:04 pm to
Beautiful man.
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
81222 posts
Posted on 4/27/21 at 12:17 pm to
quote:

We don't get caught up in someone else's drama nor do we drag anyone else into our drama.


Reposting for emphasis. I share very little with friends. Our private matters are ours.

Some friends share a lot of their own stuff with me, and I am always there for them, but I don't insert myself in any way beyond a listening ear.

I always mind my own business. Someone else's drama is not worth it.
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