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re: How is it that loving married couples end up hating each other so often?

Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:11 pm to
Posted by Vlatket
Member since Oct 2016
7475 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:11 pm to
Not easy when you're confined to 4 walls with that person for what should be the rest of your life.
Posted by DeafJam73
Baton Rouge
Member since Sep 2010
18427 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:12 pm to
quote:

Because people don’t want to put in the work it takes to keep a happy marriage. There are ups n downs, it’s difficult at times. People are lazy and want the easy way ou


This. Relationships aren’t always easy. I think a lot of people get into relationships for just the honey moon phase but don’t want to stand by each other when the shite inevitably hits the fan.
Posted by airfernando
Member since Oct 2015
15248 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:12 pm to
quote:

By that same token, should they stick around too long when it’s clear they’re not working?
they shouldn't just stick around; they should work at their marriage. Gardens don't just grow on their own, and neither do marriages. They have to be cultivated and nurtured.

Posted by TigerNlc
Chocolate City
Member since Jun 2006
32491 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:15 pm to
How do you not end up hating someone is the better question.
Posted by PrivatePublic
Member since Nov 2012
17848 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:15 pm to
quote:

The key is for each person to keep their own residence. When you need space, you have it.


Money is already one of the leading causes of strife. You just made it worse, congrats.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
128950 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:16 pm to
quote:

hey shouldn't just stick around; they should work at their marriage.


Key word being they. Marriage can't survive if only one person is willing to do all the work to keep it alive.


Posted by Taurus
Loozianna
Member since Feb 2015
4955 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:22 pm to
Learn about Menopause. It's real, it's life changing for a marriage.

Think 4-5 year long period for a woman emotionally and mentally. They may not have the "flow" but women change in a bad way and may never return if they don't get help.

Advice for guys: avoid women in their mid-40's to early 50's. If you think women are bat shite crazy in their 20's-30's, just wait for their menopausal years. Good luck.
Posted by GeorgeQGlass
Austin
Member since Oct 2017
297 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:27 pm to
quote:

No blowjobs
Rarely any pussy
I don’t do that anymore
Sandwich making skills starting to slip
The constant nagging
Kankels


There's always two sides to every equation. To only list out the shite females do is disingenuous, at best.
Posted by Tyga Woods
South Central Jupiter Island, FL
Member since Sep 2016
30053 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:28 pm to
People get lazy and stop trying to please one another
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
128950 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:34 pm to
Men want to still feel they are respected by their spouse.

Women want to still feel they are cherished by their spouse.

Women wouldn't nag as much if they got the attention they craved from their husbands.

Men would give more affection/attention if they felt they were respected by their wives.
Posted by yellowfin
Coastal Bar
Member since May 2006
97624 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:38 pm to
They don't drink enough, I like my family way more when loaded
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
422241 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:44 pm to
quote:

Lack of sex with one another. Sex is like a reset button for 99% of people. If there is tension just frick it out and then after orgasm you forget what you were mad about. I think it really is that simple.

i handle a lot of divorces. this is not true

you can have the best sex ever and you still roll over 10 minutes later and find yourself back in the 5-figure CC debt of your spouse and any gains the sex gave you are gone. money is the primary driver of divorce
Posted by Rize
Spring Texas
Member since Sep 2011
15771 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:45 pm to
quote:

There's always two sides to every equation. To only list out the shite females do is disingenuous, at best.



Loss of income
Spending Too much time at the camp
Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
422241 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:45 pm to
quote:

I also have to wonder how social media can negatively affect relationships as well. And I'm not just talking about that bf from HS randomly fb messaging a wife. I'm talking how some foolishly compare their lives to those presented by others on fb and feel like their lives are lacking.

narcissism and unrealistic expectations are major issues in marriage and social media 100% exacerbates these issues
Posted by tiggerthetooth
Big Momma's House
Member since Oct 2010
61174 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:46 pm to
quote:

Men want to still feel they are respected by their spouse.



Men shouldn't feel so insecure. They should do right and the rest will take care of itself.


quote:

Women want to still feel they are cherished by their spouse.



Women need to feel more secure about themselves unless they think their husband is a philanderer.


quote:

Women wouldn't nag as much if they got the attention they craved from their husbands.




Women need to learn that external affirmation is fleeting and will never sustain them for as long as they live. If they can't be content with themselves the attention will never be enough.


quote:

Men would give more affection/attention if they felt they were respected by their wives.




Can't always be doing things conditionally. Business relationships are conditional, your relationships with your friends might be conditional.


A long lasting relationship cannot be completely unconditional, but it should be as unconditional as possible.
Posted by GeorgeQGlass
Austin
Member since Oct 2017
297 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:50 pm to
quote:

Anyone have light to shed on this?


People that get married do not grasp the magnitude of what "forever" means.

It's a concept that upon saying "I do" is simply just breezed over. But sprinkle in some elements of real life (i.e., financial hardships, the daily grind, raising kids, school, hauling them from extra-curricular activity to activity, aging parents, health issues, work stress,etc., etc.) and that term slaps you in the face.

Most people get married within the age range of 24-30. Let's face it, you're still pretty young, naive, and probably even pretty stupid at that particular juncture of life. Hell, your prefrontal cortex had only truly matured a few years prior.

It's really not surprising that most people cannot grasp and account for all of the changes and maturation processes we all individually will go through.

Ideally, we're supposed to mature and evolve at a proportionate pace as our SO. It's difficult to acheive that parallel.

So essentially, what you have here is people making a decision that can single-handedly have tremendous ramifications for the rest of their lives, all while being pretty young and unaware. Sure, you have some outliers, but a substantial portion of individuals making this decision to marry, honestly do not think it fully through. And even if they claim they do, it's almost impossible since your point of reference in life up until getting married is pretty simple in comparison as to what is about to unfold.

Posted by SlowFlowPro
Simple Solutions to Complex Probs
Member since Jan 2004
422241 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:51 pm to
quote:

Can't always be doing things conditionally. Business relationships are conditional, your relationships with your friends might be conditional.


A long lasting relationship cannot be completely unconditional, but it should be as unconditional as possible.

i think a big problem is the egotistical belief that people have that they can change their s/o over time

and it's not even that the change in question should be made, but the egotistical nature of this belief leads to bad communication/strategy, which leads to conflict, which leads to rejection of any change, etc etc

egotism and insecurity create these chasms
Posted by SECdragonmaster
Order of the Dragons
Member since Dec 2013
16189 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:52 pm to
It started just like AIDS.

Patient X.

One divorced woman was unhappy and she nagged all her friends about how much happier they would be if they got a divorce too.

Eventually a second woman got a divorce and the problem grew and grew into what we have today.

If divorced women would admit the truth- that they are more unhappy than when they were still married, it could stop.

But if one woman is unhappy, she won’t stop until all women are too.
Posted by arkiebrian
NWA
Member since Nov 2006
4167 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:53 pm to
You don't see this because you don't marry them.

Good job.
Posted by brass2mouth
NOLA
Member since Jul 2007
19685 posts
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:56 pm to
quote:

arcissism and unrealistic expectations are major issues in marriage and social media 100% exacerbates these issues


Exactly.


I think social media does play a role, I wouldn't say every time but at minimum 1/3 or the unrealistic expectations arise from friends on FB posting all this stuff and your SO wanting the same and believing the grass is greener.

What I was kind of getting at in my OP was maybe more towards the mental health side I guess. People with anxiety tend to internalize things like that and play out 100 different scenarios in their head about the relationship. Then they focus on those very small negatives and turn them into large ones(for themselves) and forget about the good bc their mind is wrapped up in negativity.
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