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Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:12 pm to PolyPusher86
quote:
Because people don’t want to put in the work it takes to keep a happy marriage. There are ups n downs, it’s difficult at times. People are lazy and want the easy way ou
This. Relationships aren’t always easy. I think a lot of people get into relationships for just the honey moon phase but don’t want to stand by each other when the shite inevitably hits the fan.
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:12 pm to Kuzuri
quote:they shouldn't just stick around; they should work at their marriage. Gardens don't just grow on their own, and neither do marriages. They have to be cultivated and nurtured.
By that same token, should they stick around too long when it’s clear they’re not working?
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:15 pm to TigerBR1111
How do you not end up hating someone is the better question.
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:15 pm to starsandstripes
quote:
The key is for each person to keep their own residence. When you need space, you have it.
Money is already one of the leading causes of strife. You just made it worse, congrats.
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:16 pm to airfernando
quote:
hey shouldn't just stick around; they should work at their marriage.
Key word being they. Marriage can't survive if only one person is willing to do all the work to keep it alive.
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:22 pm to TigerBR1111
Learn about Menopause. It's real, it's life changing for a marriage.
Think 4-5 year long period for a woman emotionally and mentally. They may not have the "flow" but women change in a bad way and may never return if they don't get help.
Advice for guys: avoid women in their mid-40's to early 50's. If you think women are bat shite crazy in their 20's-30's, just wait for their menopausal years. Good luck.
Think 4-5 year long period for a woman emotionally and mentally. They may not have the "flow" but women change in a bad way and may never return if they don't get help.
Advice for guys: avoid women in their mid-40's to early 50's. If you think women are bat shite crazy in their 20's-30's, just wait for their menopausal years. Good luck.
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:27 pm to Rize
quote:
No blowjobs
Rarely any pussy
I don’t do that anymore
Sandwich making skills starting to slip
The constant nagging
Kankels
There's always two sides to every equation. To only list out the shite females do is disingenuous, at best.
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:28 pm to TigerBR1111
People get lazy and stop trying to please one another
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:34 pm to Tyga Woods
Men want to still feel they are respected by their spouse.
Women want to still feel they are cherished by their spouse.
Women wouldn't nag as much if they got the attention they craved from their husbands.
Men would give more affection/attention if they felt they were respected by their wives.
Women want to still feel they are cherished by their spouse.
Women wouldn't nag as much if they got the attention they craved from their husbands.
Men would give more affection/attention if they felt they were respected by their wives.
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:38 pm to TigerBR1111
They don't drink enough, I like my family way more when loaded
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:44 pm to Robin Masters
quote:
Lack of sex with one another. Sex is like a reset button for 99% of people. If there is tension just frick it out and then after orgasm you forget what you were mad about. I think it really is that simple.
i handle a lot of divorces. this is not true
you can have the best sex ever and you still roll over 10 minutes later and find yourself back in the 5-figure CC debt of your spouse and any gains the sex gave you are gone. money is the primary driver of divorce
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:45 pm to GeorgeQGlass
quote:
There's always two sides to every equation. To only list out the shite females do is disingenuous, at best.
Loss of income
Spending Too much time at the camp
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:45 pm to lsunurse
quote:
I also have to wonder how social media can negatively affect relationships as well. And I'm not just talking about that bf from HS randomly fb messaging a wife. I'm talking how some foolishly compare their lives to those presented by others on fb and feel like their lives are lacking.
narcissism and unrealistic expectations are major issues in marriage and social media 100% exacerbates these issues
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:46 pm to lsunurse
quote:
Men want to still feel they are respected by their spouse.
Men shouldn't feel so insecure. They should do right and the rest will take care of itself.
quote:
Women want to still feel they are cherished by their spouse.
Women need to feel more secure about themselves unless they think their husband is a philanderer.
quote:
Women wouldn't nag as much if they got the attention they craved from their husbands.
Women need to learn that external affirmation is fleeting and will never sustain them for as long as they live. If they can't be content with themselves the attention will never be enough.
quote:
Men would give more affection/attention if they felt they were respected by their wives.
Can't always be doing things conditionally. Business relationships are conditional, your relationships with your friends might be conditional.
A long lasting relationship cannot be completely unconditional, but it should be as unconditional as possible.
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:50 pm to TigerBR1111
quote:
Anyone have light to shed on this?
People that get married do not grasp the magnitude of what "forever" means.
It's a concept that upon saying "I do" is simply just breezed over. But sprinkle in some elements of real life (i.e., financial hardships, the daily grind, raising kids, school, hauling them from extra-curricular activity to activity, aging parents, health issues, work stress,etc., etc.) and that term slaps you in the face.
Most people get married within the age range of 24-30. Let's face it, you're still pretty young, naive, and probably even pretty stupid at that particular juncture of life. Hell, your prefrontal cortex had only truly matured a few years prior.
It's really not surprising that most people cannot grasp and account for all of the changes and maturation processes we all individually will go through.
Ideally, we're supposed to mature and evolve at a proportionate pace as our SO. It's difficult to acheive that parallel.
So essentially, what you have here is people making a decision that can single-handedly have tremendous ramifications for the rest of their lives, all while being pretty young and unaware. Sure, you have some outliers, but a substantial portion of individuals making this decision to marry, honestly do not think it fully through. And even if they claim they do, it's almost impossible since your point of reference in life up until getting married is pretty simple in comparison as to what is about to unfold.
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:51 pm to tiggerthetooth
quote:
Can't always be doing things conditionally. Business relationships are conditional, your relationships with your friends might be conditional.
A long lasting relationship cannot be completely unconditional, but it should be as unconditional as possible.
i think a big problem is the egotistical belief that people have that they can change their s/o over time
and it's not even that the change in question should be made, but the egotistical nature of this belief leads to bad communication/strategy, which leads to conflict, which leads to rejection of any change, etc etc
egotism and insecurity create these chasms
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:52 pm to TigerBR1111
It started just like AIDS.
Patient X.
One divorced woman was unhappy and she nagged all her friends about how much happier they would be if they got a divorce too.
Eventually a second woman got a divorce and the problem grew and grew into what we have today.
If divorced women would admit the truth- that they are more unhappy than when they were still married, it could stop.
But if one woman is unhappy, she won’t stop until all women are too.
Patient X.
One divorced woman was unhappy and she nagged all her friends about how much happier they would be if they got a divorce too.
Eventually a second woman got a divorce and the problem grew and grew into what we have today.
If divorced women would admit the truth- that they are more unhappy than when they were still married, it could stop.
But if one woman is unhappy, she won’t stop until all women are too.
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:53 pm to TigerBR1111
You don't see this because you don't marry them.
Good job.
Good job.
Posted on 1/28/18 at 12:56 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
arcissism and unrealistic expectations are major issues in marriage and social media 100% exacerbates these issues
Exactly.
I think social media does play a role, I wouldn't say every time but at minimum 1/3 or the unrealistic expectations arise from friends on FB posting all this stuff and your SO wanting the same and believing the grass is greener.
What I was kind of getting at in my OP was maybe more towards the mental health side I guess. People with anxiety tend to internalize things like that and play out 100 different scenarios in their head about the relationship. Then they focus on those very small negatives and turn them into large ones(for themselves) and forget about the good bc their mind is wrapped up in negativity.
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