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Started By
Message
re: How did you handle paternity leave?
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:14 am to LNCHBOX
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:14 am to LNCHBOX
quote:exactly
You aren't anywhere near as important to your job as you think you are. They would replace you tomorrow and think nothing of it if it suits them
quote:imagine missing the point
Imagine putting work over your literal child. That's insane to me.
0
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:15 am to LNCHBOX
quote:
This fascination with being mad at people using leave that is part of their compensation package is just bizarre. I a thread full of manly men that would never miss work, yall sure do seem like women worrying about what others are doing
You clearly didn't read what I typed.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:15 am to LNCHBOX
quote:
This fascination with being mad at people using leave that is part of their compensation package is just bizarre
100%. It’s so manly to leave money and time on the table.
Take the time, you can never get it back.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:18 am to Tear It Up
I mean, the reality is that cell phones make it impossible to truly take off from work these days. This isn’t 1995.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:20 am to GeorgeTheGreek
quote:
I mean, the reality is that cell phones make it impossible to truly take off from work these days. This isn’t 1995.
For my company with paid FMLA, they deactivate your corporate accounts and take away access to everything if more than two weeks. It certainly is possible to be out of touch…..
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:21 am to GeorgeTheGreek
Plus everyone's response depends on your own situations. Type of job, savings, promotion opportunities, coworkers mindset, etc
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:22 am to Ssubba
I have 3 and my husband went to back to work the day after we got home from the hospital.
Congrats
Congrats
This post was edited on 1/6/25 at 8:22 am
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:26 am to Ssubba
First kid was born at 4:00 am and I was in the office for a critical meeting at 7:30 am. Both of my boys were born 6+ weeks early and required an additional 7 or 8 days in the hospital's high risk nursery which limited visiting time so it was not a big deal to be at work during those non-visiting hours. I also have always had a critical role at the company and feel an obligation to perform my duties regardless of my personal situation. We have been acquired by a corporation since my kids were born and now the company gives 10 weeks of paternity leave and most of the younger guys take full advantage of it. I get that things have changed over the last 20 years but I'll be honest and say that I view the ones that completely check out during that time as weak. Fortunately, the critical components of my team are a bunch of 50+ year olds that work their arse off so paternity leave has no impact on us.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:27 am to Vrai
There was no such thing as paternity leave. I was out the day my child was born and back to work the next day. There were problems and my wife spent a few weeks in the hospital. I was between work and the hospital the entire time. You just make do, like people have always done until recently.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:30 am to Hondo Blacksheep
quote:Your company culture sounds toxic. I’d never want to work at a place like that. Advertising a bunch of benefits to potential employees and then looking down on them for using said benefits.
Had a young associate take the full three months off for family bonding, like his work didn't exist or something (which I had to reassign). I always thought less of him because he put his shite off on us, I mean, he didn't have a baby, his wife did. So, as a manager, my rec would be to discreetly come and go as you need, but generally work needs to come first and you need to handle your entire workload.
This post was edited on 1/6/25 at 9:14 am
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:30 am to Ssubba
Took 2 weeks off when my daughter was born. My wife stayed home for 3 months. Once that was over, I stayed home twice a week until my daughter started daycare. Family members helped watch her the other 3 days of the week. Worked out really well for us.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:31 am to Ssubba
My dad was gracious enough to let me take a week.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:31 am to SpotCheckBilly
I had 2.5 weeks of PTO a year when my kids were born. I used 1 week of PTO for both of them.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:31 am to Hondo Blacksheep
quote:
generally work needs to come first
While 3 months is excessive the above is NEVER the case. My family will always come first. Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:33 am to Ssubba
Two kids with 3 month paternity leave each time. First time I took it all no questions asked as I was at a lower level in the company but second time around more of a problem if I was gone as I am higher up so I split it and left some of it on the table. It was a mistake in hindsight - take all the leave you are entitled to. 3 months in a 30+ year career to look after your wife and newborn should really be a nobrainer. You aren’t getting shite done as a sleep deprived zombie anyways. Our generation doesn’t get pensions, company cars, etc so all the old farts complaining can frick off.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:35 am to rltiger
quote:
FMLA
I had a guy walk in a day before and tell me ha was taking paternity leave.
Left everyone hanging. Don't assume some people aren’t pieces of shite.
Did you deny his FMLA request? You should be able to in that scenario
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:35 am to Ssubba
When my daughter was born, I had no leave and had to take vacation. I had exactly three days off. It was brutal.
When my son was born I took two weeks. It was huge because my wife had a bunch of complications in recovery and I was able to take a lot of the burden off her with taking care of our daughter.
Now the company I work for offers a paternity benefit and dads get 12 weeks off paid. Almost made me want to have another kid.
Almost.
When my son was born I took two weeks. It was huge because my wife had a bunch of complications in recovery and I was able to take a lot of the burden off her with taking care of our daughter.
Now the company I work for offers a paternity benefit and dads get 12 weeks off paid. Almost made me want to have another kid.
Almost.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:37 am to Wally Sparks
quote:
So your team should never have kids. Got it.
They dont need 3 months, that's all.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:37 am to Bayou_Tiger_225
Part of it, I think, depends on how much you’re making.
If you make $70K then sure, take your 3 months of paternity leave. If you’re making $300K - probably a little bit more pressure not to cut out completely.
If you make $70K then sure, take your 3 months of paternity leave. If you’re making $300K - probably a little bit more pressure not to cut out completely.
This post was edited on 1/6/25 at 8:38 am
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:37 am to Ssubba
quote:
Is my wife going to kick me out after a few days?
In my experience, the first two weeks are kind of a false sense of security. It’s a quiet period where the little baw or bawette sleeps most of the time. You think to yourself, “Aww. We are blessed with one of those GOOD babies.”
Sure, there are lots of nighttime feeds, but other than that both of my kids were pretty calm at first.
The difficult stretch is from week 3 to about 3 months
, give or take. That’s when my first born got colicky and my second born began her witching hour scream sessions from about 6:30-8:30 PM. We would just pass the screaming hot potato back and forth for two hours and walk inside and outside and all around until the kid would settle. Not to mention constant spit-up eruptions. It really wears you both down.
I would recommend peppering in some vacation days (if you’re so lucky) throughout the first 3 months, both for your wife’s sanity and yours.
The sleep deprivation is no joke. And few things in life are more stressful than an inconsolable baby.
Unless you’ve got help, which we did not.
This post was edited on 1/6/25 at 8:51 am
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