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re: How can you cope with the loss of a parent?
Posted on 6/7/25 at 10:57 am to toosleaux
Posted on 6/7/25 at 10:57 am to toosleaux
I lost my mom several years ago. Whenever I thought of her I was thinking of all the things I would never be able to do with her again…
Around the same time, my best friend lost a 2-year-old to a brain tumor. Years later, she called me out of the blue one day and was venting about her grief. I was just listening to her talk about various things that would ‘rip her scab off’-a certain song or a smell would take her back to the day she lost him. I was really fighting not to say anything, just to listen. At one point she stopped talking and there was a pause that was starting to become awkward. I wanted her to know I hadn’t put the phone down so I just blurted something out. I asked if she could go back in time and not have him ever be born so she wouldn’t have that scab ripped off again, she said “no. I’d have him again in a heartbeat, because the good so outweighed the bad”.
That response forever changed how I was grieving over my mom. I finally started to realize how lucky I was to have had my mom in my life. That she was the best mother I could have ever had, I just didn’t have her long enough.
I’m sorry for your loss, but I hope this helps a little. Through that conversation God showed me where my focus needed to be and forever changed how I grieve.
Around the same time, my best friend lost a 2-year-old to a brain tumor. Years later, she called me out of the blue one day and was venting about her grief. I was just listening to her talk about various things that would ‘rip her scab off’-a certain song or a smell would take her back to the day she lost him. I was really fighting not to say anything, just to listen. At one point she stopped talking and there was a pause that was starting to become awkward. I wanted her to know I hadn’t put the phone down so I just blurted something out. I asked if she could go back in time and not have him ever be born so she wouldn’t have that scab ripped off again, she said “no. I’d have him again in a heartbeat, because the good so outweighed the bad”.
That response forever changed how I was grieving over my mom. I finally started to realize how lucky I was to have had my mom in my life. That she was the best mother I could have ever had, I just didn’t have her long enough.
I’m sorry for your loss, but I hope this helps a little. Through that conversation God showed me where my focus needed to be and forever changed how I grieve.
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Posted on 6/7/25 at 11:01 am to toosleaux
With both my parents, my pain was so much less than the pain each of them felt before their deaths that I felt enormous relief that their pains were over.
I still miss them, but I cannot forget how each of them suffered.
With my inlaws their final pains were dementia added to physical infirmities.
I don't know if anyone would prolong the misery of dementia.
I still miss them, but I cannot forget how each of them suffered.
With my inlaws their final pains were dementia added to physical infirmities.
I don't know if anyone would prolong the misery of dementia.
Posted on 6/7/25 at 11:13 am to toosleaux
It’s too tough to handle alone. You gotta reach out like you’re doing now.
Despite opinions to the contrary, the OT is overflowing with decent, sympathetic voices that will pray for and talk with to keep you afloat. I can testify to that personally from a prior experience several years ago but involving Mrs M.
My Mom and Dad died about eight years apart under vastly different circumstances. My friends and my wife rose to the occasion to sustain me during the funerals and by their unflinching friendship kept me afloat until I could swim again.
Grieving is okay. You aren’t losing your mind or acting crazy. You have lost a keystone in life’s arch. You will discover that gap slowly and relentlessly being filled with cherished memories of your Dad that will live in your heart forever.
The scriptures tell us to honor our parents as you so obviously do. Grieving their loss is simply part of honoring them.
I’m very sorry for your loss. You will heal.
Despite opinions to the contrary, the OT is overflowing with decent, sympathetic voices that will pray for and talk with to keep you afloat. I can testify to that personally from a prior experience several years ago but involving Mrs M.
My Mom and Dad died about eight years apart under vastly different circumstances. My friends and my wife rose to the occasion to sustain me during the funerals and by their unflinching friendship kept me afloat until I could swim again.
Grieving is okay. You aren’t losing your mind or acting crazy. You have lost a keystone in life’s arch. You will discover that gap slowly and relentlessly being filled with cherished memories of your Dad that will live in your heart forever.
The scriptures tell us to honor our parents as you so obviously do. Grieving their loss is simply part of honoring them.
I’m very sorry for your loss. You will heal.
This post was edited on 6/7/25 at 1:02 pm
Posted on 6/7/25 at 11:29 am to toosleaux
I lost my dad 34 years ago. 34 years and there still isn't a day when I don't think about him at least once.
You'll never get over it completely. The pain will be dulled with time though.
You'll never get over it completely. The pain will be dulled with time though.
Posted on 6/7/25 at 11:40 am to toosleaux
quote:you never get over it. You just learn to deal with it. I can distinctly remember how life just changed when my mom died. It's like a new life started. It's just so different.
The grief and the pain is unbearable. Two months and it's only gotten worse. How can you come to grips with the fact you will never see your dad again? I feel like my whole world has come to an end. Can't eat, can't sleep, can barely function at work. It's just so hard.
Posted on 6/7/25 at 11:44 am to toosleaux
Lost my Mom and Dad within a seven month period. May was two years. I wish I could report it gets better, but it hasn’t. Easier? Yes, a little at a time.
Be confident in the fact that you’re the person they would want you to be and they instilled in you what you need to survive.
Be confident in the fact that you’re the person they would want you to be and they instilled in you what you need to survive.
Posted on 6/7/25 at 11:49 am to toosleaux
Did your dad pass suddenly and unexpectedly or was he battling ailments for a bit?
My dad died a little over two months ago and the end of a ten year struggle against all manner of health problems. He was 76.
I get by knowing he went peacefully; I was in the room with him. It helps to know he’s no longer suffering.
Honestly, with a job, a wife and two kids, plus my mom to look after, I’ve got no choice but to compartmentalize his death and keep pushing forward.
I do my best to live in a way that he’d be proud of and think of him often, hoping I’ll see him again in the great beyond.
All men’s time on earth comes to an end, unfortunately. Accepting that gracefully is no small part of our lives. If you’re gonna live, you’ve gotta die.
I hope this offers some perspective. I wish you the best!
My dad died a little over two months ago and the end of a ten year struggle against all manner of health problems. He was 76.
I get by knowing he went peacefully; I was in the room with him. It helps to know he’s no longer suffering.
Honestly, with a job, a wife and two kids, plus my mom to look after, I’ve got no choice but to compartmentalize his death and keep pushing forward.
I do my best to live in a way that he’d be proud of and think of him often, hoping I’ll see him again in the great beyond.
All men’s time on earth comes to an end, unfortunately. Accepting that gracefully is no small part of our lives. If you’re gonna live, you’ve gotta die.
I hope this offers some perspective. I wish you the best!
Posted on 6/7/25 at 11:53 am to toosleaux
Sorry for your loss. I lost my wife of 30 years 7 months ago. Things do get better. It just takes time and a lot of support. Stay strong.
Posted on 6/7/25 at 11:56 am to toosleaux
You should listen to Bonos excellent audiobook "Surrender" in which he discusses the loss of parents at length
Posted on 6/7/25 at 11:58 am to toosleaux
I lost my Dad last November after a 7-year battle with colon/liver cancer. Having 7 years anticipating the eventual death made it somewhat easier when he finally passed. He lived a pretty good life up until the last 3 months, then he stopped eating and his cancer wasn’t responding to the chemo. Those last 3 months were tough, watching him wither away. So when he finally passed, it was relief that he wasn’t suffering anymore, and relief that my mom didn’t have the burden of taking care of him 24/7.
My life is so busy with work and my 4 young kids, that I really don’t think about him until night time. I usually will walk my dog at night and stare up at the stars and talk to him. That helps tremendously. That and the fact that I know for certain that he is with Jesus in heaven.
My life is so busy with work and my 4 young kids, that I really don’t think about him until night time. I usually will walk my dog at night and stare up at the stars and talk to him. That helps tremendously. That and the fact that I know for certain that he is with Jesus in heaven.
Posted on 6/7/25 at 12:07 pm to toosleaux
You have to go forward with all the things you learned from them. Good or bad, successes & mistakes. That keeps their spirit alive, and if you think about it, it's exactly what they want for you to do.
This post was edited on 6/7/25 at 12:08 pm
Posted on 6/7/25 at 12:31 pm to toosleaux
My father died when I was a teenager. Time is the only answer.
Posted on 6/7/25 at 12:38 pm to toosleaux
I am sorry for your loss. I don’t know if you ever really get over it but time helps you cope. You remember the good times and embrace the family you still have. My niece is all I have now. Her dad died from cancer last year. She’s 3,000 miles away but we talk every day and I send her random stupid gifts.
Posted on 6/7/25 at 1:10 pm to toosleaux
I went to Grief Share and counseling. Finding happy/meaningful ways to remember them at holidays and birthdays helps a lot too.
Posted on 6/7/25 at 1:15 pm to toosleaux
My mom and dad passed on the same day within hours of each other.
I'm still dealing with my emotions about it.
I'm still dealing with my emotions about it.
Posted on 6/7/25 at 1:17 pm to CAD703X
You realize that grief is just another form of love. And find comfort in the fact that they’re not suffering anymore.
Posted on 6/7/25 at 1:24 pm to toosleaux
Im sorry you’re going through this. I haven’t yet.
I was raised by my Grandparents and I’m very very blessed for both of them to still be alive. It’s something I don’t take for granted.
They are in their mid 80s though and I know they can’t live forever and it’s something I think about a lot lately.
I can’t really say much because I know you never really know how it feels until it happens to you… but just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re going through that and I’ll pray it gets better for you.
I was raised by my Grandparents and I’m very very blessed for both of them to still be alive. It’s something I don’t take for granted.
They are in their mid 80s though and I know they can’t live forever and it’s something I think about a lot lately.
I can’t really say much because I know you never really know how it feels until it happens to you… but just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re going through that and I’ll pray it gets better for you.
Posted on 6/7/25 at 1:33 pm to toosleaux
I had a great relationship with my dad. We were great friends, but he was a father as well. I miss him terribly, but he knew I loved him, and I know he loved me. I would recommend you read the book When my father dies, it will help you a lot.
Posted on 6/7/25 at 1:34 pm to toosleaux
Like others have said, it gets less painful over time but never goes away completely. I play my mom's music every few months and it helps. She passed 3 years ago.
Posted on 6/7/25 at 1:44 pm to toosleaux
Faith in God is the only way. Both my parents are in Heaven!.
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