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re: Helpful Parenting in the Digital Age Thread
Posted on 9/20/23 at 10:57 am to Tigear
Posted on 9/20/23 at 10:57 am to Tigear
quote:I haven't navigated this yet but to me it would be worth it to get one "dumb" phone for communication and one "smart" phone or iPad that is under my control at all times and doled out for school stuff.
They "have" to have them for school HW & class participation apps + it helps for general communication since my son & I split driving duties for school, practices, events, etc.
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Posted on 9/20/23 at 10:59 am to Tigear
I’m not buying my kid an iPhone ever. They can use a black berry and an iPod touch
Posted on 9/20/23 at 10:59 am to Ribbed
quote:
Middle schoolers should not be running around with a cell phone.
They still sell old school dumbphones. Not a bad idea for the kid to have that for emergencies.
You can buy this sucker for pretty cheap from Verizon right now:
This post was edited on 9/20/23 at 11:01 am
Posted on 9/20/23 at 11:02 am to Ribbed
quote:
I don't provide my children a cell phone. They don't need one for school. When they get a job and a car, they can pay for their own. Middle schoolers should not be running around with a cell phone. Do what you want, but that's a bad idea.
This. Our 10 yr old keeps begging us for a cell phone because all her friends have one. We keep telling her no. She has an ipad but we don't allow social media apps like tick tock, and don't let her friends come to our house and do them either. She is quick to tell her friends she can't do tick tock. You just have to keep on top of them.
Posted on 9/20/23 at 11:03 am to Tigear
My kids are only 4 and 1 so I don’t have those experiences yet but just want to commend you on stepping up to help your son in his time of need. I couldn’t imagine losing my wife and then raising my kids without her.
Posted on 9/20/23 at 11:03 am to Tigear
quote:The application of diligent parenting.
What are the best apps for protecting the kids
I can vouch for one thing, these kids will circumvent anything you may think is protecting them or preventing them from making mistakes.
The one thing I know that works for us is a clear understanding of what is allowed and what is not allowed. The best way I have found is to walk by and grab it. Randomly. Then go thru what they have done on it. Check their history, check their social media, check their calls and their texts. They will hate it the first few times, because they will have done stupid shite. Then they will generally get better.
Also, firm guideline for use. We have a basket, they have times set based on days of the week for when they must be in them. And stick with it. Dont allow them to buffalo you.
Posted on 9/20/23 at 11:07 am to BilbeauTBaggins
quote:They are geniuses. I am perceived as a safe zone for many of my kids friends. They tell me how they go around the systems their parents have installed.
You were a kid once. Kids will find a way to do things that their parents don't want them to do
I am tough on my kid, but fair. I dont mind stupid cuss words. No bullying, no sex stuff, no talking about friends, no pictures you can show me, and dont spend your day checking your phone versus playing with buddies or just hanging out. Yes, these are subjective rules, but life is subjective, you must learn how to manage your device and your relationships, your time, and your llife.
Posted on 9/20/23 at 11:10 am to 9Fiddy
quote:Kids nowadays almost will not communicate via text or calls. They do everything thru social media. We allow snap chat and instagram now. But we are on it now to and get to see most of what goes on. We are friends with almost all of his friends. It is full of 99.9 percnet goofy stuff.
And I’ll echo it again. Keep them off all social media (FB, Twitter, SnapChat, Instagram, etc) as long as humanly possible. Social media has been shown to seriously warp teenage minds.
Posted on 9/20/23 at 11:11 am to Tigear
In. Need guidance
Posted on 9/20/23 at 11:28 am to Bourre
Our school district, starting in middle school, forces the phone through the extensive list of QR codes for assignments, event information, etc. It's dumb.
A lot of you are forgetting that FaceTime is also social media. This is how most group projects get done. There was one dirtbag girl who kept taking screenshots of my son's video feed. She took pictures of him at lunch and posted them to her Snapchat. She kept adding my son back to a text group he kept trying to leave.
This is in the first five weeks of junior high. We had to get the assistant principal involved to make it stop.
Also, teach the kids *never* to give their phone to another kid when it's unlocked.
A lot of you are forgetting that FaceTime is also social media. This is how most group projects get done. There was one dirtbag girl who kept taking screenshots of my son's video feed. She took pictures of him at lunch and posted them to her Snapchat. She kept adding my son back to a text group he kept trying to leave.
This is in the first five weeks of junior high. We had to get the assistant principal involved to make it stop.
Also, teach the kids *never* to give their phone to another kid when it's unlocked.
Posted on 9/20/23 at 11:29 am to Tigear
quote:
What are the best apps for protecting the kids from the pitfalls of middle school & soon to be high school cell phone use?
We use “safe eyes” and covenant eyes for apps to limit or eliminate certain images etc. Monitoring every message and web page is impossible but frequent spot checks is a possibility.
At any time I can say phone audit and phones must be immediately placed face down and I will go through them one by one. It’s really about building trust and educating the youngsters on the pitfalls.
We also do not get our kids cell phones until the 8th grade.
Posted on 9/20/23 at 11:29 am to jmorr34
quote:I just heard about this the other day. Definitely intriguing.
They make watches now specifically for kids with calling and GPS capability, without access to all of the extra apps. Good for young kids before a cell phone is needed.
One specific is the Gabb Watch.
Posted on 9/20/23 at 11:34 am to Tigear
In a million years they wouldn't have their phone at night of on weekends if no ride is needed.
Posted on 9/20/23 at 11:55 am to Tigear
first to those saying you can go without a phone...you can, my middle schooler does but you must have some type of computer or tablet which many times ends up being an ipad. This is a must for school as most homework is online now. Have a couple kids in different activities like sports and you will see how quickly the phone can help.
the biggest things are limiting social media as mentioned. The biggest issue is not tictok its snapchat in terms of what can get them in trouble. They get a false sense of security due to the messages being "erased"
limit those and you are a good ways down
the bark app helps as far as monitoring but understand....middle schoolers are going to curse when talking to each other and they are going to talk about girls/boys. dont limit that.
the next big thing is...at night the phones leave the bedroom and go to the living room to charge. set a time it has to come down and stick to it
those things will get you most of the way there.
also make them understand you can see every message sent on icloud.
talk to them about the consequences of taking pictures of themselves and sending them out(think could be charged with child porn). this is prolly the biggest thing i see with HS boys.
the biggest things are limiting social media as mentioned. The biggest issue is not tictok its snapchat in terms of what can get them in trouble. They get a false sense of security due to the messages being "erased"
limit those and you are a good ways down
the bark app helps as far as monitoring but understand....middle schoolers are going to curse when talking to each other and they are going to talk about girls/boys. dont limit that.
the next big thing is...at night the phones leave the bedroom and go to the living room to charge. set a time it has to come down and stick to it
those things will get you most of the way there.
also make them understand you can see every message sent on icloud.
talk to them about the consequences of taking pictures of themselves and sending them out(think could be charged with child porn). this is prolly the biggest thing i see with HS boys.
Posted on 9/20/23 at 12:11 pm to Tigear
Figured I'd share this one: My youngest son is 14 and in the throes of puberty. He started "seeing" this girl from our church, and we found they were exchanging messages via some app or something. The conversations were marginally inappropriate, so we restricted him to "normal" communication like phone calls and texts that we could read.
He agreed but soon after we found out they were using a Google Docs document that was hidden on both of their school computers to communicate. One would open the doc and write something, and the other would open it and respond later.
Of course, the chick couldn't help herself and ended up taking a screenshot of something my kid wrote and sending it to my wife.
He agreed but soon after we found out they were using a Google Docs document that was hidden on both of their school computers to communicate. One would open the doc and write something, and the other would open it and respond later.
Of course, the chick couldn't help herself and ended up taking a screenshot of something my kid wrote and sending it to my wife.
Posted on 9/20/23 at 12:23 pm to FCP
When my son was younger, he was playing this marvel superhero game on his very locked down phone.
My mistake was not checking the game. There were 3 or 4 places to chat in the game and the messages could get very graphic.
My mistake was not checking the game. There were 3 or 4 places to chat in the game and the messages could get very graphic.
Posted on 9/20/23 at 12:38 pm to 9Fiddy
quote:if you don’t let your kid have Snapchat before 14, he/she will be a loser and then as soon as they get it they’ll start firing off dickpics/cooter shots. How about instead of saying no to these things, you monitor and raise them in a way they won’t use them to harm themselves
SnapChat
Posted on 9/20/23 at 1:08 pm to FCP
quote:
but soon after we found out they were using a Google Docs document
This was a HUGE issue for 4 months in the height of covid school at home on the Chromebooks.
The middle school kids were being absolutely ridiculous with this tactic. To our school board's credit-the keystroke monitors eventually caught 1000s of kids guilty of this. They didn't punish any of the kids because frankly - the suspensions or expulsions would've basically emptied the schools. But they did increase the keystroke monitoring sensitivities & added IT staff to monitor it more. That basically ended that, in schools.
But now they're just using Google on their phones to manipulate the docs like they were. So that takes a lot more monitoring by parents.
Speaking of monitoring as a parent:
I see a few blowhards in here to far. I know 2 different sets of family friends who are dealing with criminal charges (not finalized, but the legal battle itself is more than enough to cause problems) because their kids simply recieved/looked at inappropriate images from middle school classmates. Neither of them shared or even saved the images, so far as they claim - but the mere possession opens up the legal door.
1 of the parents lost their job because her monitoring app was on her work provided/paid for/monitored cell phone. The mom never even opened the app at work/on work wifi at the time of the images being sent. But it hit the network all the same. She was fired & is now dealing with that legal side of the issue to try to get her job back on top of keeping juvenile porn possession charges off of her & her child's records.
Puff your chests all you want - but the issue is real & it's only going to get worse before if ever MAYBE gets better.
Posted on 9/20/23 at 1:12 pm to Tigear
Pre 1. Bless you for stepping up like you are. I know it's hard to believe but there are plenty of grandparents who are able but unwilling to do even half of what you appear to be doing.
1. I haven't found an app that I prefer yet. I'm actually going to the AT&T store next chance I get to have whoever I get at the store to show me the best thing they recommend. All this crap scares the Beejeesus out of me.
2. Keep an eye on game apps that have friend/chat features. They aren't always easy for us adults to find but these kids sure find them...
1. I haven't found an app that I prefer yet. I'm actually going to the AT&T store next chance I get to have whoever I get at the store to show me the best thing they recommend. All this crap scares the Beejeesus out of me.
2. Keep an eye on game apps that have friend/chat features. They aren't always easy for us adults to find but these kids sure find them...
Posted on 9/20/23 at 3:46 pm to HouseMom
Appreciate all who have offered your condolences & all of the ideas/opinions so far.
The only "addiction" we think we are dealing with is Disney+ & Netflix on their phones. That's the biggest "Just a little longer" we deal with on the whole.
The only "addiction" we think we are dealing with is Disney+ & Netflix on their phones. That's the biggest "Just a little longer" we deal with on the whole.
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