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Started By
Message
Help dealing with someone with Dementia
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:20 pm
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:20 pm
This will be a novel so TLDR: GFs dad was a horrible person before he got sick, now has dementia and making her life hell.
Not a loved one - GFs dad. Even BEFORE dementia he was a horrible person. Abusive (verbally and physically), manipulative, and incredibly arrogant.
Fast forward to dementia, these things are all now amplified - Except now he's too weak to physically abuse anything, and he's making one hell of an attempt at ruining his only daughters life. He was in a nursing home, but after he and the nurses called her nonstop every single day because he was so damn difficult (he calls her 30-40 times per day), she removed her power of attorney, blocked his number and allowed him to move back to his house (Which is on a reverse mortgage from literal years of him not making a single payment).
For a couple of weeks after this, we heard radio silence. That is until he figured out how to start calling everyone he ever knew and bothering them to the point that they all started calling my GF. She then unblocked him, and hired a live-in nurse to attempt to keep him in check. This has backfired. He is calling her more than ever (36 calls since last night), and he treats the nurse so badly that she has walked out on more than one occasion. The topic of all of the phone calls is typically - how do i work the thermostat, how do i change the tv channel, how do i work the microwave, why isn't my phone working (as he's talking on it). I understand these things can be difficult and frustrating for those with dementia, but he is having to call her 36 times while she's at work because he's driven off his live in nurse.
She has exhausted basically all of her options: he lived with her - they both hated that, nursing home, total independence, and now live in nurse. All of them have made her life hell. Does anyone have any advice on how the hell to help handle this? It would be so much easier if he wasn't such a hateful and spiteful person before his dementia. He drove away all friends and relatives leaving all of this bullshite to his daughter.
Not a loved one - GFs dad. Even BEFORE dementia he was a horrible person. Abusive (verbally and physically), manipulative, and incredibly arrogant.
Fast forward to dementia, these things are all now amplified - Except now he's too weak to physically abuse anything, and he's making one hell of an attempt at ruining his only daughters life. He was in a nursing home, but after he and the nurses called her nonstop every single day because he was so damn difficult (he calls her 30-40 times per day), she removed her power of attorney, blocked his number and allowed him to move back to his house (Which is on a reverse mortgage from literal years of him not making a single payment).
For a couple of weeks after this, we heard radio silence. That is until he figured out how to start calling everyone he ever knew and bothering them to the point that they all started calling my GF. She then unblocked him, and hired a live-in nurse to attempt to keep him in check. This has backfired. He is calling her more than ever (36 calls since last night), and he treats the nurse so badly that she has walked out on more than one occasion. The topic of all of the phone calls is typically - how do i work the thermostat, how do i change the tv channel, how do i work the microwave, why isn't my phone working (as he's talking on it). I understand these things can be difficult and frustrating for those with dementia, but he is having to call her 36 times while she's at work because he's driven off his live in nurse.
She has exhausted basically all of her options: he lived with her - they both hated that, nursing home, total independence, and now live in nurse. All of them have made her life hell. Does anyone have any advice on how the hell to help handle this? It would be so much easier if he wasn't such a hateful and spiteful person before his dementia. He drove away all friends and relatives leaving all of this bullshite to his daughter.
52
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:22 pm to Not Cooper
fricking. Run.
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:22 pm to Not Cooper
Sounds like he was what it takes to be on LSU's staff or run the country. Has anyone approached him about this yet?
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:22 pm to Not Cooper
Dr Jill is an expert
Ask her
Ask her
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:22 pm to Not Cooper
Restraining order?
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:23 pm to Not Cooper
Are you dating one of Biden's daughters?
This post was edited on 9/13/21 at 2:24 pm
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:23 pm to Not Cooper
It sucks. I can’t imagine having to deal with that. Put him a sail boat and push him out to sea.
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:24 pm to Not Cooper
put him down
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:25 pm to Not Cooper
she's done enough, support her leaving it behind
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:26 pm to Not Cooper
quote:
she removed her power of attorney
What did she do to effect this?
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:27 pm to Not Cooper
Have the nurse give him a sandpaper and tabasco sauce hand job.
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:27 pm to Not Cooper
kudos to you for being so supportive 
a family counselor may have some insight on ways to more effectively cut him off and deal with the potential fallout from the friends/family that he can push to bother your GF as well
ETA: or ways to cope with staying in contact if that's your GF's wish (I may have misread OP)
a family counselor may have some insight on ways to more effectively cut him off and deal with the potential fallout from the friends/family that he can push to bother your GF as well
ETA: or ways to cope with staying in contact if that's your GF's wish (I may have misread OP)
This post was edited on 9/13/21 at 2:35 pm
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:27 pm to Not Cooper
poor girl
no options we can give her will work btw
she has to decide if she wants to put up with this til he dies
either choice is going to be bad for her so if youre not in for the long haul you need to dip because she is going to need an unfaltering rock to lean on
Which is going to be stressful for you aswell as your relationship with her
all imma say is good luck and ill have her in my prayers
no options we can give her will work btw
she has to decide if she wants to put up with this til he dies
either choice is going to be bad for her so if youre not in for the long haul you need to dip because she is going to need an unfaltering rock to lean on
Which is going to be stressful for you aswell as your relationship with her
all imma say is good luck and ill have her in my prayers
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:30 pm to Not Cooper
man I thought I had it bad. What is he calling about?
Mine calls me to fix his tv or computer daily.
Mine calls me to fix his tv or computer daily.
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:32 pm to Not Cooper
When you spoke to his doctor about possible solutions, what did the doctor say?
Soon enough, it will be over and your GF will spend the rest of her life thinking back to how she treated her father. I’m not saying she has done the wrong thing in how she’s handled the situation, just pointing this out.
Soon enough, it will be over and your GF will spend the rest of her life thinking back to how she treated her father. I’m not saying she has done the wrong thing in how she’s handled the situation, just pointing this out.
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:32 pm to dagrippa
quote:
man I thought I had it bad. What is he calling about?
Mine calls me to fix his tv or computer daily.
Exactly things like that. Help with his TV, microwave, thermostat - (he somehow manages to turn the heat on and put it up to 90 every day).
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:34 pm to Not Cooper
Ice cream apparently works for the dementia patient in chief.
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:35 pm to Not Cooper
That all sounds terrible. Best of luck to your GF
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:37 pm to BobABooey
quote:
When you spoke to his doctor about possible solutions, what did the doctor say?
Docs have helped her dealing with the individual phone calls and attempting to keep him calm, which has worked to an extent, but now it's the volume of calls that's causing trouble.
quote:
Soon enough, it will be over and your GF will spend the rest of her life thinking back to how she treated her father. I’m not saying she has done the wrong thing in how she’s handled the situation, just pointing this out.
I've told her many, many times that she has done WAY more than most would to help him. He has 2 sisters who have done next to nothing for him, while she goes above and beyond. I tell her I would have cut ties long ago and just let the fallout be what it is, but she is trying to be the bigger person. I admire her greatly for it, just wish I could help more.
Posted on 9/13/21 at 2:39 pm to Not Cooper
Take away his phone.
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