re: Have your parents ever caught you doing anything sexual?

Not me but my brother. He got hammered and brought home this short, fat, extremely pale red headed chic. Her friends knew where she was and called our house early the next morning and asked for her. Mom went in his room and saw this train wreck naked in his bed. She left. Brother tried forever not to come out. He finally did and my mom, without even looking up from the paper says, “I know love is blind but that was ridiculous”. 25 years ago and we still laugh about that one.

Lol dad walked in on me getting first blowjob when I was 15. Just threw blankets over her head and he didn’t pay attention so it worked out

My mom caught me masturbating when I was around 14 years old.

Best friend and I were seniors in high school we left his 13 yr old cousin at his house and apparently we arrived home too soon. We opened the door and the rocker was still rocking and the TV screen was blue but no one in the room.

As habitual masturbators we knew right away what was going on so the friend calls out young cousin and questions him about bare arse jerking it in his recliner. Boy denies to this day and eventually said he was using mental images and jerked it on the toilet seat. Long story short the movie title we found in vcr was "stryking it deep". Friend says oh so you been "stryking it deep on the toilet seat"? This kid is probably 27-28 now and Everytime we see him we ask him that same phrase kind of like a song and he still turns red and still becomes fighting mad every single time.

When I was 15 I had a girlfriend that I thought I was definitely going to frick within a matter of time. Me and her dated for like 6 months, and we would do everything but let me stick it in for what seemed like forever. It was agony .

One day we were skinny dipping at my parents pool when my dad came home early from vacation and he saw her naked, and he acted shocked for like 5 minutes and kicked her out. He wasn’t too upset because he gave me my first beer afterwards and started laughing about it.

The issue came when I was so nervous about my first time having sex that I would beat off in condoms religiously to make sure I wouldn’t come too fast and throw them in the toilet, until one day I came home from school and my dad was fricking livid. “You Arlie the biggest fricking idiot in the world, why wouldn’t you just throw your shite in the trash so I didn’t have to call a plumber to unclog all the fricking condoms that clogged our whole plumbing system!” He was mad for a few hours and then never mentioned it again.

Ho girlfriend ended up fricking my friend that was 3 years older while we were dating and I didn’t lose my virginity until a year later with her best friend.

No regrats

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The very first time I had sex I caught chlamydia:

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Goddamn. I thought my first time was bad but damn that's worse.

2 1/2 occasions my mom messed up my groove.

My room was adjacent to hers. I had a waterbed with a headboard that was against the wall that was the rear wall to her closet that opened to her room. GF and I are going at it and my mom knocks on the wall and screams “cut that shite out”. Took a while for gf to come back over.

Another time, different girl, different room. I had swapped rooms with my brother when I started driving to be nearer the garage(easier to sneak out). It’s about midnight. Girls on top doing her thing, and the door swings open. Not a damn thing I could do. Covers were on the foot of the bed. Moms just pulled the door and walked out. That gal never came back over.

Not in the midst, but this chick who was feeling her some go_tigres called the house late one night to let me know she was sleeping at a friends house right down the street and she wanted me to “come f$@& her, now”. Don’t have to tell me twice. I hang up and as I’m putting my shoes on my mom walks in and says “you aren’t going f$@& anybody”. Unbeknownst to me, she picked up the phone at the same time. Yes ma’am was all I could squeak out.

(no message)

Not my parents. My ex' mom rented an apartment in NOLA for her boyfriend and us for the weekend. My cousin was dating her sister so we were all staying together in the apartment.

Well I was offshore but I drove in to meet them. Ex stayed in the apartment while the rest of them went eat supper. Well I went shower in her mom's room, and as soon as I got out the shower we fricked on her mom's bed. I nut all over the sheets. About 5 minutes later I here them come in. So we got dressed and talked for a minute and my cousin, ex and her sister went outside to leave for bourbon st. Her mom runs outside screaming because she just sat in my jizz. She was pissed, I couldn't help but laugh about it. My ex got an earful while I sat in the truck.