re: Have any of you been distanced from your Dad and he passed away during that time?

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You see a lot of shows and real life situations where someone who is distanced from their parent(s) have someone on the show crying and saying “it’s not worth it! Your dad isn’t going to be around forever!”

Do they say that because they think there will be regret if he were to pass?

Personally, I would probably have regret but I suppose it really depends on how rocky the relationship was. What say you?

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My Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer after I had been living in Utah for 5 years, and I still have huge regrets I didn't get back to see him more often than I did. We had the opposite of a rocky relationship. We had a strong relationship. I was still in my 20's and I prioritized things like a dumbass 20 year-old would. If I had to do it over again I'd have quit my job and just moved back down south to see him off. I wasn't married, no kids, and a stupid career would have survived a calendar year sabbatical just fine. Don't make the same mistake kids. You only have one life and one Mom and Dad.

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So When he died from a heart attack about 3am

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My dad died at home around the same time of a heart attack. It was a complication of what he was dealing with.

I was a little after 2:30AM and my buddies dropped me off. We had been out that Saturday night/early Sunday morning. My dad heard me come in and asked if it was me, I said yes. 5 mins later the ambulance was in front of my house. My buddies who dropped me off and to go drop someone else off. When they were coming back to go to where they were going they saw the ambulance. They all came back. It all happened so fast, my mom got into the ambulance with him, she told me to stay home and she would call me. 20 mins later her and my uncle came back to say he was gone.

That was the longest period I think without falling asleep. I was up from that saturday morning to until early monday morning.

My dad drank basically almost throughout the course of my whole life.

He finally got treatment and started going to AA meetings the last 3 months of his life.

He passed away before any of us really got to see how much of a change was going to happen.

I know it's not the same thing what you're talking about but it was something that I've always wondered since then.

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For all the annoying, shite posting I do, I really do feel bad for kids who aren’t close to their fathers.

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and mothers, as well.

I'm going through a very difficult time with one of my parents, my mom. It's too personal and too much to share online. It involves doctors, elder abuse cases, attorneys, and dementia.

I wish things were different. Most people who have bits and pieces of information do not understand, nor do they approve based upon the limited information that they know.

I try not to get too consumed about what others think at this point, as I know the processes that are taking place are necessary, and have spoken with my counselor and a priest multiple times. Both have assured me that we are doing the right thing, even though it doesn't always feel 'right.'

My point is, forgiveness --- because this is what the first two pages are about --- or the lack thereof, is what is needed in many of our relationships. Forgiveness isn't for your father or mother --- it's for you. Once you have truly learned to forgive, it is one of the greatest feelings in the world --- to have that burden of hate, anger, and disrespect lifted from your shoulders and soul.

Some heavy stuff in this thread. It's a shame so many of you have had bad relationships with parents.

I wouldn't say distanced as we were never truly close, at least from my view. After Mom died we spoke every day for a few years before his death.

I always loved my father but didn't like him a few times along the way.

Mike and the Mechanics wrote a song about it:

I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

My father provided financially very well for the family but was horribly emotionally abusive. He also never even attempted to bond with us as children. He's told me horrible things, like he never wanted my brother and never loved my mother. Both my mother and brother haven't spoken to him in over 20 years. I originally planned to do the same, but I occasionally speak with him, out of pity, because he'd have nobody if I didn't.

He has no remorse and feels he did nothing wrong. I think he's basically incapable of knowing / acting better. The truth is I almost feel guilty for continuing to talk to him, like it's betraying my mother and brother / not holding him accountable like they do.

It's very awkward and sad.

Crazy to read this, my dad passed away 19 years ago today. I was 21 so we were close but I thought I knew a lot more than I did and do. He was a good man, wish we had more time.