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Have any of you been distanced from your Dad and he passed away during that time?
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:26 pm
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:26 pm
You see a lot of shows and real life situations where someone who is distanced from their parent(s) have someone on the show crying and saying “it’s not worth it! Your dad isn’t going to be around forever!”
Do they say that because they think there will be regret if he were to pass?
Personally, I would probably have regret but I suppose it really depends on how rocky the relationship was. What say you?
Do they say that because they think there will be regret if he were to pass?
Personally, I would probably have regret but I suppose it really depends on how rocky the relationship was. What say you?
43
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:29 pm to idlewatcher
He passed awayyyy and I didn’t cry, cuz my anger
wouldn’t let me feel for a stranger
wouldn’t let me feel for a stranger
This post was edited on 12/12/22 at 7:30 pm
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:32 pm to idlewatcher
Yes. Had distant relationship. Saw him sporadically . Left a “ leave it to beaver” home in looks from the outside only. Well known business man. Abusive father and stepmother. Left home at 18. Then was the one who took care of them before they died. Without a single thanks btw...
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:36 pm to bcflash
Had not seen my dad in at least 15 years when he passed. Pretty sad that I didn’t make sure I was able to go see
Him more often….
Him more often….
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:37 pm to idlewatcher
Fortunately we were not distanced but I lost my dad from cancer just under two weeks ago. It was a peaceful passing in hospice and I was there when he breathed his last breath.
So I can tell you that I definitely would have regrets if that were the case with us. We were close and I still have things I look back on and wish I had done or said differently.
My message to everyone- hug your loved ones and tell them you love them. Or pick up the phone and tell them. You never know when it will be the last time and not everyone is as fortunate as I was to be able to be part of dads passing and help it to be peaceful.
So I can tell you that I definitely would have regrets if that were the case with us. We were close and I still have things I look back on and wish I had done or said differently.
My message to everyone- hug your loved ones and tell them you love them. Or pick up the phone and tell them. You never know when it will be the last time and not everyone is as fortunate as I was to be able to be part of dads passing and help it to be peaceful.
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:40 pm to idlewatcher
Yeah.
Pretty absent father. Was more like a friend we went and saw every week or two.
Stroke in 2019. Diagnosed with cancer in 2020. Died in 2021. I saw him 2-3 times during that stretch. Didn't go to the funeral.
I saw him right before COVID got serious. Early March 2020. I remember leaving and think that was the last time I'd see him.
We were in Idaho. Didn't have the money to get down there. We didn't prioritize it, rather. You reap what you sow. I have no ill will. People told me I'd regret it. It's been 18 months, I don't feel much. Sometimes I'm sad he's gone, but I never cried. I mostly feel sorry for him and his end of life.
Pretty absent father. Was more like a friend we went and saw every week or two.
Stroke in 2019. Diagnosed with cancer in 2020. Died in 2021. I saw him 2-3 times during that stretch. Didn't go to the funeral.
I saw him right before COVID got serious. Early March 2020. I remember leaving and think that was the last time I'd see him.
We were in Idaho. Didn't have the money to get down there. We didn't prioritize it, rather. You reap what you sow. I have no ill will. People told me I'd regret it. It's been 18 months, I don't feel much. Sometimes I'm sad he's gone, but I never cried. I mostly feel sorry for him and his end of life.
This post was edited on 12/12/22 at 7:41 pm
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:40 pm to idlewatcher
Ehh. Some stones are better left unturned.
Unless there is honest contrition and desire on both sides it just won't work.
Source: still waiting on my old man after 30+ years.
Unless there is honest contrition and desire on both sides it just won't work.
Source: still waiting on my old man after 30+ years.
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:40 pm to bcflash
quote:
Left a “ leave it to beaver” home in looks from the outside only. Well known business man. Abusive father and stepmother. Left home at 18.
Are you sure you weren't just an a-hole kid and they let you know it?
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:42 pm to idlewatcher
I won’t regret it when he dies. He made his choices and now I am old enough to make mine.
I may go just to see if he is really dead, but that’s about it.
I may go just to see if he is really dead, but that’s about it.
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:43 pm to dukke v
Left home at 14. Best decision I ever made. Despite abuse, still cried when he died. Very complicated emotional stuff. Not one size fits all. Best of luck if you are going through that now.
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:43 pm to Odysseus32
quote:
Was more like a friend we went and saw every week or two.
You ever wonder what that was like for him? Do you know how hard it is to be a 'parent' to kids when you get them 72 hours every two weeks?
I remember harboring a reluctance to discipline my kids when I'd get them on a Friday afternoon and they were totally wrecking shite in the house an hour later.
This post was edited on 12/13/22 at 9:31 am
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:44 pm to idlewatcher
It was 15+ years between the last time I saw my dad and when he died. I was called only because I was “next of kin”. He died in lake Charles and I was living in walker. I was more angry about going to lake Charles than I was sad about him passing. When I got there and saw his possessions(like a real deal fleshlight - may God strike me down if I’m lying) and the completely disgusting apartment and I was reassured that this person was deplorable. He was a shitty person and a horrible father…no sadness felt.
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:46 pm to mikelbr
I always wonder what that was like for him. And I feel bad for him.
I'm not going to get into too much personal shite, but he had every opportunity to be a strong father and teach us how to operate in life, and he didn't even try. He didn't fail. He didn't even try. He taught me how to not be as a father.
I'm from a white trash family in Cenla. This wasn't an amicable divorce situation. It was a man who refused to work and take care of his kids and a mother who let him off the hook.
I'm not going to get into too much personal shite, but he had every opportunity to be a strong father and teach us how to operate in life, and he didn't even try. He didn't fail. He didn't even try. He taught me how to not be as a father.
I'm from a white trash family in Cenla. This wasn't an amicable divorce situation. It was a man who refused to work and take care of his kids and a mother who let him off the hook.
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:46 pm to idlewatcher
My dad was in and out of the hospital (mostly in) a little over 3 years before he passed away. It started when I was in 10th grade and from that point on, I would go months without seeing him, then see him for a few days then another period where I didn't see him.
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:47 pm to idlewatcher
My dad passed away last year and we're 2500 miles apart. He wasn't really in my life very much growing up and we'd barely spoken the last 10 or 12 years. I didn't go back home for the service and won't have any regrets.
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:49 pm to mikelbr
Jeezus fricking Christ. The first page is full of dudes who hate(d) their dads. That's depressing.
My dad was frickin awesome. The night he died, my GF and I were at their house eating supper and talking about what time we'd pick them up in the morning to go to my daughter's basketball game. My mama yelled at him, "I'ma kill you, you ole bald headed MFer", b/c he wouldn't shut up about how bad the weather was going to be in the morning.
So When he died from a heart attack about 3am and we were all in the living room all somber and talking with the coroner and EBRSO deputies, my mom lightened the mood. She blurted out to my girlfriend,
"I didn't DO IT. I promise!"
My dad was frickin awesome. The night he died, my GF and I were at their house eating supper and talking about what time we'd pick them up in the morning to go to my daughter's basketball game. My mama yelled at him, "I'ma kill you, you ole bald headed MFer", b/c he wouldn't shut up about how bad the weather was going to be in the morning.
So When he died from a heart attack about 3am and we were all in the living room all somber and talking with the coroner and EBRSO deputies, my mom lightened the mood. She blurted out to my girlfriend,
"I didn't DO IT. I promise!"
This post was edited on 12/12/22 at 7:52 pm
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:50 pm to Odysseus32
quote:
I'm not going to get into too much personal shite, but he had every opportunity to be a strong father and teach us how to operate in life, and he didn't even try. He didn't fail. He didn't even try. He taught me how to not be as a father.
Roger that. Didn't mean to pass judgement. I just really relate to the "being a friend more than a parent" part of that dynamic. It was very tough going for first few years.
This post was edited on 12/12/22 at 7:52 pm
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:53 pm to idlewatcher
Posted on 12/12/22 at 7:55 pm to bcflash
quote:Let me be the first to thank you for doing right by them.
Then was the one who took care of them before they died. Without a single thanks btw...
Even if they didn’t “deserve” it.
You could only control what you did, not what they did.
Posted on 12/12/22 at 8:01 pm to Tyga Woods
quote:
He passed awayyyy and I didn’t cry, cuz my anger
wouldn’t let me feel for a stranger
You're wrong and heartless
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