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re: Follow up re: my imminent divorce UPDATE PG 20
Posted on 8/5/23 at 8:27 pm to TexasTiger08
Posted on 8/5/23 at 8:27 pm to TexasTiger08
quote:
I don’t think that explains why she’s seemingly leaving me for another man.
full disclosure, I'm viewing this situation from the point of view of a wife (of 25 yrs). I agree with a post earlier in the thread that most marriages end due to small, accumulated and unresolved problems. It really screws with your perception of your partner and eventually you stop giving them the benefit of the doubt (ie, underwear left on floor not because of forgetfulness but because they HATE me and WANT to piss me off..).
I hate my husband's behavior when he drinks. I don't even like being in the same room. He's rowdy and handsy and vulgar (not to mention the stench put off by alcohol farts). But if I were to mention it, even with kid gloves, it gets shoved straight up my backside and I get an earful of all of the things he hates about me. You could insert literally ANY conflict into this scenario, not just alcohol. So, I avoid mentioning anything, and bury my resentments.
Thankfully, we've recognized these patterns and are both working to address them. I think with pretty good success. But there were some long years where I was feeling very unappreciated and not listened to. It's a dangerous place to be, as you are well aware.
My husband is not a bad person, neither am I. But we both have some areas we needed to work on with ourselves. If you can figure out what those are for you, the next relationship stands a better chance.
4
Posted on 8/5/23 at 11:12 pm to RobbBobb
quote:
I've witnessed many a girl marry for status, because most of her friends were married, for the attention of a wedding, or for financial bailouts. Love wasnt building that house
Then they realize they get more than half of your stuff, in the end. No incentive to stay
Maybe you know a few men who married for looks? And maybe as their wife had children and got older they realized they could get better looks elsewhere?
Posted on 8/5/23 at 11:31 pm to boosiebadazz
quote:
Why don’t you ask her to look at her options and whether she really wants to have a baby with a dude she doesn’t want to be with.
There is literally no way this turns out good for you when that baby gets here.
Why don’t we ask the baby? We can assume the answer is that it does not want to be murdered in the womb.
Posted on 8/5/23 at 11:44 pm to financetiger38
quote:
Women are hateful creatures that look to not only separate or divorce, but to completely ruin a guy when they’re done with him.
Baloney! You got 10 upvotes and no downvotes until mine. That’s 11 people who agree with this nonsense.
I’d guess 3 or 4 of these just happened to make unfortunate choices, got stuck with bad women, and generalized that all women are like that - a mistake. The rest are selfish men whose mothers ruined them by indulging them and creating the expectation that their wives would live for them. These guys will never find a “good” woman, unless it’s one with low self-esteem who expects to be treated like shite.
Posted on 8/5/23 at 11:48 pm to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
I hate my husband's behavior when he drinks. I don't even like being in the same room. He's rowdy and handsy and vulgar (not to mention the stench put off by alcohol farts). But if I were to mention it, even with kid gloves, it gets shoved straight up my backside and I get an earful of all of the things he hates about me. You could insert literally ANY conflict into this scenario, not just alcohol. So, I avoid mentioning anything, and bury my resentments.
Rowdy handsy and vulgar? Oh no!!!
I was married to a count like you for 5 years before realizing I was the victim
This post was edited on 8/6/23 at 1:20 am
Posted on 8/5/23 at 11:50 pm to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
it gets shoved straight up my backside
Posted on 8/5/23 at 11:55 pm to Will Cover
quote:
One of my very good friends, who passed away from cancer at the age of 41, used to tell me something like this (quoted).
He said there's nothing like pulling into the driveway of the house that he built with his ex-wife, and she comes outside to grab their son from his vehicle ... while her new husband is standing in the doorway, living in the house that he built, and waving goodbye.
I can confirm that is one tough pill to swallow.
But that material shite pales in comparison to the first time your son calls you his step dad's name by mistake.
This post was edited on 8/5/23 at 11:56 pm
Posted on 8/5/23 at 11:58 pm to Will Cover
quote:
But no matter what I believe, she believed something different or was advised differently, which in the end, it was still her decision. I don't agree with it, and I probably will never understand it. But I do my best to accept it because that's really the only choice I have to keep my peace.
That's the most painful part.
This post was edited on 8/6/23 at 12:05 am
Posted on 8/6/23 at 12:08 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
My husband is not a bad person, neither am I. But we both have some areas we needed to work on with ourselves.
What areas did you need to work on?
Posted on 8/6/23 at 12:18 am to el Gaucho
quote:
Prime of your life is below 25 dude
Maybe before 8 even
No indeed not. This is only true of failures. I’m 61 in two weeks and my prime was 50-55. That takes everything into consideration - health, power, influence, sex, wisdom, etc. Obviously one’s physical prime is in their 20s.
I can tell you that physically my decomposition accelerated greatly after 55. I’m in great shape for my age, but that “for my age” is looming large. It’s contentment that is surging at this age.
Posted on 8/6/23 at 12:56 am to TexasTiger08
quote:
Regardless of whether I am an alcoholic by definition, my drinking was bad for us. That could definitely be a primary reason for her leaving.
Folks in this thread are being very hard on the woman, but it could be that she is the real victim. If she married a man who drank socially but not excessively, and during the marriage he turned into a besotted drunk I can certainly understand why she went looking elsewhere.
This is similar to a man getting married to a woman with a nice figure, and then she gets fat. I can certainly understand if the man starts looking around.
And if your drinking “was bad for us” then you ARE an alcoholic.
This post was edited on 8/6/23 at 1:07 am
Posted on 8/6/23 at 1:05 am to TexasTiger08
quote:
Do I have to wait for anything to be finalized before I hit up Tinder?
Is she waiting? I’m convinced Bossiebadass is right on this point: You are a serious pussy. Your wife is fricking your friend, and has been fricking him for a long time, and you are on a message board asking if it’s okay to go on Tinder.
Posted on 8/6/23 at 5:18 am to Penrod
I think this is a massive troll.
Posted on 8/6/23 at 7:28 am to Penrod
quote:Ehh, maybe but he still has a good reason to wait on this. Until the divorce is finalized, he should assume that a judge will hear of everything he does wrong in the meantime. And him signing up for Tinder will be evidence that he was cheating too (they are still married and it doesn’t matter that she did it first).
Is she waiting? I’m convinced Bossiebadass is right on this point: You are a serious pussy. Your wife is fricking your friend, and has been fricking him for a long time, and you are on a message board asking if it’s okay to go on Tinder.
He’s got a lifetime ahead of him. He can wait 6 months for some pussy.
This post was edited on 8/6/23 at 7:33 am
Posted on 8/6/23 at 7:43 am to NaturalBeam
quote:
Until the divorce is finalized, he should assume that a judge will hear of everything he does wrong in the meantime.
This was my reason for asking that question. It had nothing to do with morals and everything to do with me not wanting to have anything thrown at me during divorce proceedings and a custody battle.
Posted on 8/6/23 at 8:07 am to TexasTiger08
quote:
Late 30’s, single, empty house, steady job
You know how many married guys are reading this and wishing it was them ?
All of them !!
Posted on 8/6/23 at 8:09 am to TexasTiger08
quote:
Not yet. Do I have to wait for anything to be finalized before I hit up Tinder?
quote:
Texas is considered a no-fault divorce state, which basically means neither spouse has to prove wrongdoing to be granted a divorce. You can get divorced without giving a reason or explanation at all, by just citing “insupportability.
Posted on 8/6/23 at 8:46 am to TexasTiger08
You may have answered this but do both of them work in the same school as you, ie, you have to see them every day?
Posted on 8/6/23 at 8:57 am to TexasTiger08
The anger will be there. Women move on very fast too.
They have more opportunities being women.
It sucks. I got over it by passport bro-ing. Unlike my ex I didn't want to jump into anything. She started dating a 3x divorced band dad. And I hated doing band parent stuff so that became her identity.
I took the time to better myself. Got back to my high school weight.
Go out every night. Stamped my passport 5 times since March.
The only shitty thing for me is her new old man lives only 5 blocks from me and I hate seeing her car that I bought for her parked as his house. I've envisioned myself smashing it and torching it. But those are just thoughts.
I'm more glad the bitch is out my life. This was the third time I broke up with Her and she made it final moving on. Now I don't see what I ever saw in her fat frumpy arse.
It'll take a few months to get over it. Even hooking up with fresh won't help. You'll miss the little couple things.
Now I'm with someone who likes what I like. Who shares my love for mojitos. Blunts(medical card) and bike rides at night through the city. My ex never rode bikes, quit drinking with me and "was allergic" to pot.
You'll always hold a small part of your heart for someone you married.
Sounds like you got to keep the house. That's a plus.
Same here. Though being alone in a 5 bedroom house is an odd feeling.
They have more opportunities being women.
It sucks. I got over it by passport bro-ing. Unlike my ex I didn't want to jump into anything. She started dating a 3x divorced band dad. And I hated doing band parent stuff so that became her identity.
I took the time to better myself. Got back to my high school weight.
Go out every night. Stamped my passport 5 times since March.
The only shitty thing for me is her new old man lives only 5 blocks from me and I hate seeing her car that I bought for her parked as his house. I've envisioned myself smashing it and torching it. But those are just thoughts.
I'm more glad the bitch is out my life. This was the third time I broke up with Her and she made it final moving on. Now I don't see what I ever saw in her fat frumpy arse.
It'll take a few months to get over it. Even hooking up with fresh won't help. You'll miss the little couple things.
Now I'm with someone who likes what I like. Who shares my love for mojitos. Blunts(medical card) and bike rides at night through the city. My ex never rode bikes, quit drinking with me and "was allergic" to pot.
You'll always hold a small part of your heart for someone you married.
Sounds like you got to keep the house. That's a plus.
Same here. Though being alone in a 5 bedroom house is an odd feeling.
Posted on 8/6/23 at 9:00 am to Penrod
When I was 8 I didn’t have to go to work and I could climb like every tree. People called me smart.
Now everything sucks
Now everything sucks
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