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re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
Posted on 3/16/19 at 12:35 am to supadave3
Posted on 3/16/19 at 12:35 am to supadave3
There’s no answers. There won’t ever be any
Maybe when I cross that chasm to the other side.
But here, there’s only those that remain. And we do live. And smiles find you again. Laughter comes back. Life goes on...just with a hole. A hole where there should be someone to fill it and all those memories and experiences stolen from us that are left.
And I like to think I make the most of it. And value the time i’ve Been given, or at least the time i’ve Stolen from fate.
The hugs and kisses and “i love you”’s from my kids. Finding life does go on.
And even when the storms seem darkest if you just hang on, keep sailing...the sun comes up and a new day dawns and it’s a little different than the one you left behind , as long as you don’t give up.
Because if you give up you aren’t just letting yourself sink.
Everyone that loves you gets drawn down into that whirlpool of despair. And then they fight to stay afloat. Because even in that moment of deepest darkest lonliness there are those that care about you, that you pull down with an abrupt departure.
So if you ever find yourself drowning, keep swimming. Reach out and you’ll find a hand that will pull you up
Maybe when I cross that chasm to the other side.
But here, there’s only those that remain. And we do live. And smiles find you again. Laughter comes back. Life goes on...just with a hole. A hole where there should be someone to fill it and all those memories and experiences stolen from us that are left.
And I like to think I make the most of it. And value the time i’ve Been given, or at least the time i’ve Stolen from fate.
The hugs and kisses and “i love you”’s from my kids. Finding life does go on.
And even when the storms seem darkest if you just hang on, keep sailing...the sun comes up and a new day dawns and it’s a little different than the one you left behind , as long as you don’t give up.
Because if you give up you aren’t just letting yourself sink.
Everyone that loves you gets drawn down into that whirlpool of despair. And then they fight to stay afloat. Because even in that moment of deepest darkest lonliness there are those that care about you, that you pull down with an abrupt departure.
So if you ever find yourself drowning, keep swimming. Reach out and you’ll find a hand that will pull you up
1
Posted on 3/16/19 at 12:43 am to fr33manator
quote:
how do you cope?
Posted on 3/16/19 at 12:45 am to fr33manator
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
:Internet Hug Bro:
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
:Internet Hug Bro:
Posted on 3/16/19 at 12:49 am to List Eater
Thank y’all. Really. This place is cathartic. A den of hooligans and thieves, liars and scoundrels. But also of honesty. Of hard truths we don’t want to face but have to.
Because somewhere in this den of iniquity, there are souls who have faced down the demons that haunt us all. We’re survivors. We’re the ones who made it through and live to tell the tales.
So, raise a glass to the fallen. The forgotten. The downtrodden.
Raise this one to the boys who don’t come home.
I appreciate y’all.
Because somewhere in this den of iniquity, there are souls who have faced down the demons that haunt us all. We’re survivors. We’re the ones who made it through and live to tell the tales.
So, raise a glass to the fallen. The forgotten. The downtrodden.
Raise this one to the boys who don’t come home.
I appreciate y’all.
This post was edited on 3/16/19 at 12:50 am
Posted on 3/16/19 at 5:57 am to fr33manator
My dad died on Wednesday so I am in the same boat as you. Just wishing I had one more visit, one more conversation, one more something. My biggest regret is that I don’t have more videos of him so I can hear his voice one more time.
Posted on 3/16/19 at 6:23 am to fr33manator
It's not your fault- Sean
And as far as your dad blaming you, choose the wrench. Because frick him, that's why.
Now, don't you gotta go see about a girl?
And as far as your dad blaming you, choose the wrench. Because frick him, that's why.
Now, don't you gotta go see about a girl?
Posted on 3/16/19 at 6:41 am to fr33manator
Ive gone through this everyday since Oct 29th of last year and have a 3 year old without a mother now to boot. It doesn't seem that it will ever go away and maybe it won't but you have to find something, someone to brighten your days and help you see that there is more purpose left for you than what you've left behind. It sucks and the sad, angry, just hurt feelings never completely go away but stay on the back burner a bit. That's how I deal with it anyway. I just watch that little boy carry on not really knowing the pain he should feel and use his strength to build my own.
You will be ok as long as you keep remembering that you're still here for purpose. You may not know what it is yet but it will show it itself at some point, in some way. My thoughts are with you.
You will be ok as long as you keep remembering that you're still here for purpose. You may not know what it is yet but it will show it itself at some point, in some way. My thoughts are with you.
This post was edited on 3/16/19 at 6:43 am
Posted on 3/16/19 at 6:45 am to Hangit
Wrong brother.
Thanks though
Thanks though
Posted on 3/16/19 at 7:11 am to fr33manator
Sorry baw. Just trying to help a brother out when I see him carrying a load that does not rightfully belong to him. You have enough that you own to take on extra that you don't.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Posted on 3/16/19 at 7:42 am to fr33manator
No one is prescient. Each of us lives our lives within ourselves only. You cannot live someone else’s life. Therefore, their life can end whether you’re involved or not.
Your father did you a disservice by his statement. Only he or a therapist can undo the damage of his callousness.
You can continue to grow only if you put his words into their correct perspective. I encourage you to seek therapy to do just that. He was wrong but may not be able to understand the effect it has had upon you.
Your father did you a disservice by his statement. Only he or a therapist can undo the damage of his callousness.
You can continue to grow only if you put his words into their correct perspective. I encourage you to seek therapy to do just that. He was wrong but may not be able to understand the effect it has had upon you.
Posted on 3/16/19 at 7:44 am to fr33manator
quote:
the fact that dead is dead and gone is gone and nothing will bring them back?
Is there some other option? Cause I'd like to know it.
Loss my mother and older brother recently, only family I had left.
I cry and think of them daily but besides that I keep waking up every day and living until I don't.
I really don't know what else to do. I won't ever get over any of it, nor will you. But you keep living right?
Eta: until you don't. I wish I had a better answer.
This post was edited on 3/16/19 at 7:46 am
Posted on 3/16/19 at 7:51 am to fr33manator
fr33,I carried a big bag of guilt and self-loathing around for years.
My Dad died suddenly when I was 28,and we weren't getting along real well at that time.
I carried that for decades.
I am at total peace now.I laid all that guilt down and haven't looked back.
I asked God to take over and he has.True peace comes from The Prince of Peace.
I hope you feel that peace sooner rather than later.
My Dad died suddenly when I was 28,and we weren't getting along real well at that time.
I carried that for decades.
I am at total peace now.I laid all that guilt down and haven't looked back.
I asked God to take over and he has.True peace comes from The Prince of Peace.
I hope you feel that peace sooner rather than later.
This post was edited on 3/16/19 at 7:54 am
Posted on 3/16/19 at 7:54 am to fr33manator
Make it right by your father
Posted on 3/16/19 at 7:56 am to fr33manator
quote:
Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
Dude this is heavy!
I remember the last conversation I had with my older brother. We had plans & dreams. I was devastated he was 31 & I was 25.
You never truly get over loosing a brother at least in my heart anyway. I went down a lot of bad roads (please don't do this) at the end of them I was forced to turn around. I was forced to come to terms with the cards being dealt. I was forced to forgive an individual of an error they made that cost my brothers life. I remember our last words to the "T." To say I no longer have a hole in my heart isn't being honest. Life goes on and more trouble will spring up from the ground. You will deal but it won't be easy.
I hope you can find purpose, wisdom & vision for your future. This is essential.
I've have been extremely fortunate, having the support of life long friends through the years. Grieving his loss has been long process for me. I was fortunate enough to go through a divorce right after I buried my brother so I couldn't just focus on his untimely death. There again were lifelong friends to lean on. Nuggets of wisdom dropped by strangers as well. I hope you find your way to peace. God speed to you from the worst of all sinners, Me.
Posted on 3/16/19 at 7:59 am to fr33manator
I may have been the last person a friend of mine reached out to before leaving this world. I didn't answer his call, and texted him back that I was at a party and told him I'd call him back tomorrow. Little did I know he was sitting in his truck with a handgun.
I will carry hitting decline on that call for the rest of my life.
It wasn't the first time he had gone into that funk, and the only thing that helped me was finally accepting that sooner or later this was the way his life was ending. I hope that as time passes you can come to have that same acceptance.
I will carry hitting decline on that call for the rest of my life.
It wasn't the first time he had gone into that funk, and the only thing that helped me was finally accepting that sooner or later this was the way his life was ending. I hope that as time passes you can come to have that same acceptance.
Posted on 3/16/19 at 8:16 am to fr33manator
I too remember this ... God bless and I'd encourage you to find someone to speak with. Continue to speak of your brother and dedicate yourself to living a good life in his honor.
(I've always wondered why would your father say what he did? I hope that you two are good.)
(I've always wondered why would your father say what he did? I hope that you two are good.)
This post was edited on 3/16/19 at 8:17 am
Posted on 3/16/19 at 8:25 am to fr33manator
quote:
I started This thread that day...so many years back now. And I remember everything.
It’s like i sealed fate
You had a couple of great quotes back in your old thread:
Thou dost disparage the OT mightily with thine boorish remark, thou liver-spotted spawn of a back alley slattern.
I'm surprised thou removed it from thine arse long enough to do so.
Tell me then, sir, doth thine flatulence provide thy tongue with a pleasing bouquet?
Fortunately I have never lost anybody before their time so I can't relate. I will say people are responsible for themselves and there's a lot that you really cannot no anything about.
Posted on 3/16/19 at 8:38 am to fr33manator
That's a shitty thing for a father to tell his child.
The stages of grief are fluid. And endless. Counseling can help.
I'm sorry for the loss of your brother. I find that it helps to believe that the soul or spirit of a person continues to exist and that if we speak to them of our love and regrets they hear us. And forgive us. And we can begin to heal.
The stages of grief are fluid. And endless. Counseling can help.
I'm sorry for the loss of your brother. I find that it helps to believe that the soul or spirit of a person continues to exist and that if we speak to them of our love and regrets they hear us. And forgive us. And we can begin to heal.
Posted on 3/16/19 at 9:03 am to fr33manator
You ever ask yourself what is it that you didn’t save him from? If there is such a place as Heaven, and I believe there is, it’s got to be much better than what we have here. Live the rest of your life knowing that he is in a place that we all hope to be someday. Hopefully that will give you some peace.
Posted on 3/16/19 at 9:46 am to fr33manator
Unfortunately, there is no simple answer for the guilt. The best way I manage is to live a life they would be proud of and to keep happy memories of them alive.
Ultimately, none of us that strong, that powerful, that omniscient that we can control what happens in the future by changing our actions now. It’s a limitation we don’t understand and we one we don’t like, but a limitation we do have to accept.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Ultimately, none of us that strong, that powerful, that omniscient that we can control what happens in the future by changing our actions now. It’s a limitation we don’t understand and we one we don’t like, but a limitation we do have to accept.
I’m sorry for your loss.
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