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fr33manator
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
85876 posts
 Online 

Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
With the feeling that somewhere, somewhen, you could have done something to save them?

When it eats at you like caustic. Something, anything that could have altered the timeline ever so slightly but could have changed the past for the better.

The ides of March haunt me still every year. The oldest is supposed to be their brother’s keeper. But i’m Still here and he isn’t and I can’t shake that revenant.

How do you fight it? Or do you just surrender yourself to the fact that dead is dead and gone is gone and nothing will bring them back?



athenslife101
Georgia Fan
Athens
Member since Feb 2013
12683 posts

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
Live every day at a time. You can’t change the past. I’m sure you did everything you should have at the time but at times we can’t control everything.

Just live everyday the best as people past and present who have cared for you would wish and you’ll do them proud


NawlinsTiger9
New Orleans Saints Fan
Where the mongooses roam
Member since Jan 2009
21029 posts

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
It’s completely natural to feel that way. Honestly, it’d be weirder if you didn’t.

I know that doesn’t make the pain any less severe, but I hope there’s some comfort in knowing that.

There is no “if” - the only thing you could have done is what you did. In every sense of the word, you did everything you possibly could.

For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.


fr33manator
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
85876 posts
 Online 

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
I started This thread that day...so many years back now. And I remember everything.
It’s like i sealed fate


dbuchanon
Florida Fan
Member since Nov 2014
12091 posts

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
Try to accept that theyre gone while at the same time keeping the fond memories that you had with them close to your heart.



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fr33manator
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
85876 posts
 Online 

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
My father even told me that it should have been me, and it should have.

It’s like the universe played a cruel cosmic joke.


Zappas Stache
Utility Muffin Research Kitchen
Member since Apr 2009
23504 posts
 Online 

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
Everybody dies, nothing is in your control, there is no god. Give up on the egocentric crap. Be happy.


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510
Porkchop Express
Southern Cal Fan
Penderbrook
Member since Aug 2014
3021 posts

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
Honor him by living each day to it’s best.

You do nothing positive or meritous by looking back in regret or “what ifs”.

Keep him high in your chest. Keep your chin up. Live!



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dbuchanon
Florida Fan
Member since Nov 2014
12091 posts

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
quote:

My father even told me that it should have been me,

Dude, thats fk'd up


Ace Midnight
LSU Fan
Between sanity and madness
Member since Dec 2006
67232 posts

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
quote:

With the feeling that somewhere, somewhen, you could have done something to save them?


The past is gone - written - kaput. That person, based on your post is gone. All you can do today and going forward is do things for others who are still here.

Period. All we have is now. I'm as guilty as anybody of wasting it. But waste it at your peril. You have to live with the consequences of it.


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MrLarson
Auburn Fan
Member since Oct 2014
27456 posts

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
Nothing you can do when someone is determined. Somehow you have to find a way to move on.


CSB?

My brother has been going through some medical issues for the past 2 years. He told me one day that he had been seriously contemplating suicide. My only advice to him was not to do that to his wife and kids. Please tell me if you reach that point that you can't go on and I will kill you so they don't have to blame themselves. I can handle the blame and the time.

Yes, I really had this discussion with my brother.


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81
List Eater
Texas A&M Fan
Htown
Member since Apr 2005
20769 posts

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
quote:

Dude, thats fk'd up


we don't have all the facts. could be a situational thing


fr33manator
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
85876 posts
 Online 

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
Eh, it’s true. I’d have taken his place if I could.


Life for life, if there was some bargain to be struck in the cosmos. Without hesitation.

But there isn’t. It’s just the living that linger on and the dead are consigned to somewhere beyond these realms.

Stone markers in forgotten fields to mark our brief passing through this life


MrLarson
Auburn Fan
Member since Oct 2014
27456 posts

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
I understand your pain. Brothers is a strong bond. I'd have a hard time if my brother left me with unanswered questions of why he checked out without telling me why.


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supadave3
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Dec 2005
20297 posts

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
quote:

.so many years back now. And I remember everything.
It’s like i sealed fate


I remember that happening to you. I still think about that incident almost every time I see one of your post. It's kinda strange to see how long ago something like that was from a distance. I don't know you as anyone other than fr22manator and I never knew your brother either but I feel like this tragedy happened to a close friend of mine and like it was only about 2 or so years ago.

Strange feeling. I'm sorry for you and your family's loss. I'm sure he was a heck of a guy. I've often wondered if you all ever learned the 'what's and 'hows' of that horrific event. Not asking you to share such details, but just curious if you ever got answers to all the questions.
This post was edited on 3/16 at 12:31 am


NawlinsTiger9
New Orleans Saints Fan
Where the mongooses roam
Member since Jan 2009
21029 posts

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
It’s hard for me to subscribe fully to the “we are all here for a reason” shite on its surface, but consider the possibility that the “we are here for a reason” ideology is only ever true BECAUSE we believe it.

You’re still here. You get to control so little, but your attitude - specifically, how you decide to approach every day you have left - is largely up to you.

You’re a frickin genius whether you like it or not. That’s a powerful thing, and the way you communicate is even more significant. You can help people like the one you lost. Hell, maybe you already are - forgive me, I don’t know everything.

Just a few thoughts and well wishes from an e-homie.


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fr33manator
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
85876 posts
 Online 

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
I can’t fight it. 6 years and the wound still lays raw and open this night.

I remember the last words I told him. “I love you bubba.”



At least they were good words. But god it still hurts. And he’s still Gone tonight just like every other night but somehow it just lays in harder, colder.

I could have been there. Could have saved him.
I just miss him so damn much.

Tell the ones you love how much they mean to you because the dawn isn’t promised


MrLarson
Auburn Fan
Member since Oct 2014
27456 posts

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
quote:

I could have been there. Could have saved him.


Maybe for one more day

quote:

I just miss him so damn much.


You always will. Remember the good times. It's really all you have now unless you want to torture yourself.


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SEClint
New Orleans Saints Fan
Bywater
Member since Nov 2006
25057 posts

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
Drugs


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Lsupimp
Colorado Fan
The Mean Streets of Baton Rudge
Member since Nov 2003
58287 posts
 Online 

re: Feeling guilt someone has gone, even if you couldn’t have done anything...how do you cope?
I remember when you lost him. I lost mine under painful circumstances too.

Humans get attached to their emotions and nurture them like a garden. Don’t get too attached to loss. Everything is temporal and it’s important to remember that when you start to go down the rabbit hole that a profound loss can be.

Prayers of acceptance to you tonight brother ,and goodnight.


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