re: Encouraging grandparents to move closer to grandkids or simplify. Anyone ever done this?

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ETA: what's stopping you from selling everything you own, picking up your life and moving to them and starting over?

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What's stopping us is logic.
There are literally, as in literally, no jobs in my field there.
The schools there are absolute trash, outside of private schools.
Our kids have never lived anywhere else, why uproot them?
The grandparents are not FROM the place they live now, have no family there at all, and most of their friends have moved away or died. The only thing keeping them there is a house. The place they are FROM is one of the options tossed out in the initial post, where they actually own property already.

Hopefully that helps.

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remember that when you're old and alone because you've raised your kids to think it's okay to tell old people to go f&$@ themselves, even if it's your own parents.


Where did I say that?

When I'm retired, I'll make plans to move closer to wherever my children are.

You don't get to force somebody with a busier life and more needs to do what you want.

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Yeah, I don't understand the anger in those 2 posts. We 100% would move to be near grandkids (assuming we have them), ESPECIALLY with the knowledge of how much a helping hand can be. The challenge will be if they are scattered, but we'll figure it out. The one variable here is that where we live, there is likely a chance they'll end up in the area due to opportunities.

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Don't care where they live, but they don't need a 5br house, workshop, storage shed, etc etc any more. The house is full. It is an overwhelming burden for them and will be our burden. Why not be able to enjoy these last years?

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I missed the part where you said they were unhappy. If they are, certainly help them find some joy during this time.

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Their house is falling into disrepair and they can't keep up with it. They need to simplify. Their son chooses to stick his fingers in his ears and pretend everything is fine, yet we are the ones that have had to deal with EVERYTHING for the past 20 years.

Don't care where they live, but they don't need a 5br house, workshop, storage shed, etc etc any more. The house is full. It is an overwhelming burden for them and will be our burden. Why not be able to enjoy these last years?

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Honestly if they waited until they retired to even think about "downsizing" or "simplifying", it is already too late. I've seen it over and over with my friends' parents and at the estate sales I go to. Either they don't want to spend their retirement cleaning out/decluttering, it's too massive or emotional of a job, or health/mobility issues get in the way. The handful of parents who avoided it were minimalists to begin with or they did a massive downsizing or made a big move a few years before they retired. I'm in my 40s and it has prompted me to do it now, I don't want to put that on my kids and I don't want to spend my final years managing stuff. It is slow going and hard work even now, I couldn't imagine doing it 20-30 years older.

Best you can do it figure out the resources you will need when it is your problem. Start figuring out if they have anything of value (true value, not what they *think* is valuable), start researching auction houses, estate sale companies, storage facilities, and dumpster rentals in their area. Go to estate sales and talk to the people running it about what is in command these days. Figure out what orgs accept and don't accept and who will pick up large items. Talk about it with your wife, get on the same page before emotions get intertwined. It's morbid but I'd rather focus on a game plan for when the time comes than spend what little precious time I have left with my parents fighting over what they "should" do with their stuff .

Would they be open to a professional organizer? There are those that specialize in downsizing estates and/or hoarders. The better ones are not cheap but could be a good resource if they are open to it.

I know it is something my parents would NOT be interested in but it is an option.

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I just don't see how they can stay in the house they are in, it is massive and pointless.

Anyone ever dealt with this with success?

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No, but I’m about to go through it. My wife and I are 60, and we are almost finished building a house that is massive and pointless. I’ll send this thread to my kids to start them thinking on it.

Needy

My father in law has 8 storage until across 3 cities. They store everything from random clothes and furniture to a 3 ct diamond lost in one once and a complete original metal train set from the 40s that actually blows steam.

I dread the time when it needs to be sorted through.

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Some of y'all are gonna be in a poor state when you're 75, widowed and lonely because you taught your kids that your own life is more valuable than another's.

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I hope my kids put their kid's future ahead of everything. I will take the pressure and hassle off them and come to visit or move closer, in no way shape or form would I want my kids to move to me, unless that move was better for their kids.

I chose to live in the 'Sip, although I love it (the freedom, hunting and just redneckery of it), I would have likely done a better service for my kids by moving to Nashville, Knoxville, Huntsville, etc., some place where there is more a culture of success and many more opportunities.

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Zero chance. They’d be too embarrassed.

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My parents too. They are the same as your in laws, the stuff is a burden, they want it gone but they reject and fight every suggestion given to deal with it. I've even offered to fly home a few days at a time to help go through a room or two or even just be there to move stuff and all it does is start a fight.