- My Forums
- Tiger Rant
- LSU Recruiting
- SEC Rant
- Saints Talk
- Pelicans Talk
- More Sports Board
- Fantasy Sports
- Golf Board
- Soccer Board
- O-T Lounge
- Tech Board
- Home/Garden Board
- Outdoor Board
- Health/Fitness Board
- Movie/TV Board
- Book Board
- Music Board
- Political Talk
- Money Talk
- Fark Board
- Gaming Board
- Travel Board
- Food/Drink Board
- Ticket Exchange
- TD Help Board
Customize My Forums- View All Forums
- Show Left Links
- Topic Sort Options
- Trending Topics
- Recent Topics
- Active Topics
Started By
Message
re: Do you feel like you sacrificed your personality for your wife, family, career?
Posted on 5/9/23 at 9:40 am to AwgustaDawg
Posted on 5/9/23 at 9:40 am to AwgustaDawg
quote:
Odds are pretty good you weren't as fun and weren't as happy as you remember...
We tend to forget the ansgty nights sitting around waiting for a call or text.
1
Posted on 5/9/23 at 9:41 am to StringedInstruments
Tired? Walk away from it and join the French Foreign Legion.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 9:42 am to dewster
quote:
Do you feel like you sacrificed your personality for your wife, family, career?
For work - yes. I can't be my true self at work. I've even lost my southern accent. There's a lot of prejudice against people from the south in other parts of the country.
I know that if I let a "y'all" slip in somewhere, I'm going to be judged negatively.
I have a THICK southern Appalachian accent. Extremely think...even in Appalachia folks will ask me where I am from LOL. I have experienced this so many times I can't count them...and I have always used it as advantage career wise. Folks hear a southern accent and conclude you are not as bright as them and they act accordingly...giving you a serious advantage...they think they know you buy you certainly know something about them. I have had other people from the south tell me my accent was a detriment. They have worked on losing their accent as you say you have done...they eventually come to realize that I use mine like a weapon if someone is slow enough not to realize the accent has mislead them. I have worked in nearly every state in the nation and a heap of foreign countries...I have, if anything, gained a thicker accent than I had when I left North Georgia the first time...if you have changed your accent you are too concerned about others think of you OR you aren't confident in your abilities and self worth...both are serious barriers to success and happiness...
Posted on 5/9/23 at 9:44 am to StringedInstruments
Nope
Posted on 5/9/23 at 9:45 am to RogerTheShrubber
quote:
We tend to forget the ansgty nights sitting around waiting for a call or text.
This is for sure true.
I’m married now, and it feels like our social calendar is over the top packed. However, if it was just me, half of those obligations would disappear and all of a sudden the calendar would be a little too empty.
Having to prioritize and find time for old hobbies is a great problem to have.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 9:45 am to StringedInstruments
My wife hasn't changed me at all. One of the reasons we work so well together. I see it all the time, wife completely changes how a guy acts, who he's friends with, what he does, what he watches, what he eats. Some of that can be good. Some of it, turns the guy into complete mush. Just a complete pushover. I'd hate that. It's a give and take. My wife does things I hate doing, and vice versa. We do those things for each other, but we do not force each other. That's the balance. I have my hobbies (baseball cards, frisbee golf, video games when I can), she has hers. We come together on a few (hiking/exploring). That's about as good as you can ask for. It can always be worse...you could be held at gunpoint (pussy) to do shite you absolutely hate. That's soul crushing and I'd either shoot myself, or her.
As for changes in what you are into, it's normal. You wake up early because that's what men do when they grow older. You can't help it.
As for changes in what you are into, it's normal. You wake up early because that's what men do when they grow older. You can't help it.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 9:49 am to Tempratt
quote:This
I’ve been married 25 years and a dad for 13 years
Never have I felt unable to do what I want.
I have my own office where I have my TV, stereo and my computer crap.
I watch what I want and blast music
A lot of this thread is just dudes not standing up for themselves. Don't get me wrong, I get it, life gets busy and tough. But it's dudes who have given up when they have no one else to blame but themselves for not demanding some alone time.
You got a job where you have to work 60+ hours and are taking phone calls all the time when you're off? Then get a new job. No one said it has to be tomorrow, but if you start looking, in time I guarantee you'll find a job with similar pay where all of that is not a requirement. There are always opportunities out there, you just have to not feel like there aren't, and go out and find them.
I mean, even if you have little children, where we know that's the biggest time sacrifice. No question that'll be the time period of your life you have the least amount of you time...but you should still have you time. Saturday morning, you go golfing early and come home around noon or so, and tell the wife she has all of Sunday morning to do whatever she wants, and you'll cover. Again, these need to be non-negotiable. You need your time, and to make it fair, you step up to give your wife the same opportunities. If your wife isn't ok with that and gives you shite, then you picked the wrong wife, and you got much bigger problems then you realize lol.
But it all comes down to...you have to speak up. You have to make it happen. No one else is going to do it for you.
This post was edited on 5/9/23 at 9:53 am
Posted on 5/9/23 at 9:49 am to Odysseus32
quote:
The show ended and my father in law and I went for a ride on his side by side, just us. We got to talking about relationships and he mentioned looking at us as we were watching TV and he said something to the effect of "I see yall watching a show together, a married couple, and it's not all about sex or money. I look and I go 'they actually enjoy each other's company' and it blows my mind."
I felt deep sadness for him, because he's never felt that. And I feel like a lot of people don't. If they did, I don't think they'd be so quick to be so disrespectful about their marriages.
There is a chance that he had just realized that you were actually in love with his daughter and wasn't just there for the sex or money, if there is any. Fathers have a tendency to suspect their daughters male companions with the knowledge of how the father viewed most women in his younger days...as a possible mating partner. It may well be that watching y'all made him realize that your relationship with his daughter is similar to his relationship with her mother...not that the 2 relationships are polar opposites of one another.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 9:51 am to StringedInstruments
Sounds like someone’s going through a mid-life crisis.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 9:52 am to StringedInstruments
Once the kids are off to college things tend to settle down and you have more time.
My cousin turned into almost a scratch golfer when he got the kids off to college. That was his passion and he has time to do it, finally. And a cool wife which doesn’t mind him out of the house…. which helps a ton of course.
My cousin turned into almost a scratch golfer when he got the kids off to college. That was his passion and he has time to do it, finally. And a cool wife which doesn’t mind him out of the house…. which helps a ton of course.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 9:53 am to StringedInstruments
Part of the balance in life is to actually have friends of your own and do things with them without your wife. While I love my wife, I do a decent amount of stuff with just my friends throughout the year and she does with hers as well. Sometimes you do stuff together with your friends, but you absolutely need a space to just be you. It doesn't mean you love your family any less, but more so that it makes the time with them that much better.
ETA: At times, I'm with you on the general sentiment, though. It hits you harder when you have young kids, too. It's tougher to get away especially if you don't have much family to help.
ETA: At times, I'm with you on the general sentiment, though. It hits you harder when you have young kids, too. It's tougher to get away especially if you don't have much family to help.
This post was edited on 5/9/23 at 9:55 am
Posted on 5/9/23 at 9:54 am to shel311
Yea while there are certainly controlling and/or manipulating women out there I would bet the majority (maybe even the vast majority) of men who have “lost themselves” to family life have given up their hobbies and alone time mostly on their own. They may not be happy about it but they put themselves in that position. It’s their responsibility to themselves and their families to take themselves out of it.
It’s hard but it’s doable.
It’s hard but it’s doable.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 9:55 am to StringedInstruments
Yes.
It took me years but I realized my wife was the worst part of my life.
Two years of just hating being with her after 10 years. One day I spent $1000 fixing the AC then she came home with Chinese food and didn't get me any. I took some of hers and she bitched at me. So I threw it on the ground and said "I'm done".
I now go on a vacation every other week. Have left the country 3 times since the March split. I do what I want. I didn't have kids with her. Only steps.
Man. I wish I did this years and years ago..
I'll never get married again. Maybe pop a bastard out one day.
The day the paper are final I'm throwing a huge beach party.
Life is way too short to be miserable because your wife is a different person than your fiance/ girl friend.
It took me years but I realized my wife was the worst part of my life.
Two years of just hating being with her after 10 years. One day I spent $1000 fixing the AC then she came home with Chinese food and didn't get me any. I took some of hers and she bitched at me. So I threw it on the ground and said "I'm done".
I now go on a vacation every other week. Have left the country 3 times since the March split. I do what I want. I didn't have kids with her. Only steps.
Man. I wish I did this years and years ago..
I'll never get married again. Maybe pop a bastard out one day.
The day the paper are final I'm throwing a huge beach party.
Life is way too short to be miserable because your wife is a different person than your fiance/ girl friend.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 9:56 am to StringedInstruments
quote:
rock and metal music, and video games
Just remember, it's good for the soul to crank some Maiden,
funnel a few beers and play a little call of duty occasionally.
This post was edited on 5/9/23 at 9:57 am
Posted on 5/9/23 at 9:59 am to RibsandWhiskey
quote:
Just remember, it's good for the soul to crank some Maiden,
funnel a few beers and play a little call of duty occasionally.
Ted Nugent usually plays Billy Bob's around my wife's and my birthday, we never miss that
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:01 am to StringedInstruments
quote:
My wife doesn’t like horror movies, rock or metal music, or video games. Slowly over the years, I stopped putting any effort into them. Nowadays, even if I wanted to, I don’t have the time to reignite my old interests. I have to wake up at 5am to survive, which admittedly is because of my intent to stay healthy and workout before work.
Even on the weekends, I can’t really sleep past 5am. If I did, my dog would wake me up soon after because she’s used to getting up then.
Being asleep by 10pm is a must. My kids go to bed at 8:30pm, so there’s little time for anything outside of hanging out with the wife and getting ready for bed.
1) get a doggy door
2) listen to rock music in vehicle going to/from work, while working out, while at work
3) Designate nights where you don't hang out with wife and she can watch what she wants while you play video games.
4) Watch horror movies but let wife be on phone like it's going to be anyway
This post was edited on 5/9/23 at 10:04 am
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:01 am to StringedInstruments
i relate to OP a WHOLE lot. i'm a yes man and a people pleaser.
my utmost goal is to make sure my family grows closer to and represents Christ, but then also for me to provide for them and give them the most opportunities for safety and then comfort. that usually involves giving up my stuff or hobbies most often.
unfortunately, because i have teenage kids in 5 sports between them, i usually give up my stuff and what i want to do way too much for them from September to May. My last kid just finished their state meet so that opened up me a little bit. also, i love my job, but it can demand too much of me and has travel. i used to have some control over that but our business has grown so much that i'm on the phone 6 hours a day and been in 18 hotels since March.
between my work, kids sports, and travel for work and trying to make sure i make every single thing, i've gone through a bit of depression, started some heavy drinking, was pretty detached, and started having panic attacks.
my wife saw what was happening and asked me to step back. it started with telling her i felt like i was very alone and all i was doing was making sure my family had it easy and my job could depend on me and that i was drained walking out of my office every day and just know i was heading to another thing for the family.
she said to stop that and then to tell my boss to stop expecting me to be at his beck and call or he was going to lose me. I have a good relationship with him, so we had that conversation over drinks while on the road. he received it well and we're working on it.
all that is to say, you're not alone, but you also sound like you feel like you need to suffer in silence instead of having some agency. i'm not out of the woods in my situation, but it sounds like you should express that you've been shoehorned into some lifestyle functions that you don't want and you'd like to find a way to come out of it.
i know baws don't do counseling, but it sounds like your pent up frustration may lead to some negative consequences like it did for me. something to think about. i didn't know know what my frustration was or why i was acting the way i was until i talked it out with a few people and i was able to put it into words. i've told my boss no 3x times in the last two weeks, didn't get fired. told my teenage son he couldn't add a new activity in the fall and dealt with his frustration, but stayed firm on it being best for him and the family. I told my family i was stepping out to go for a run yesterday and didn't rush back.
it's baby steps, but it's helped.
my utmost goal is to make sure my family grows closer to and represents Christ, but then also for me to provide for them and give them the most opportunities for safety and then comfort. that usually involves giving up my stuff or hobbies most often.
unfortunately, because i have teenage kids in 5 sports between them, i usually give up my stuff and what i want to do way too much for them from September to May. My last kid just finished their state meet so that opened up me a little bit. also, i love my job, but it can demand too much of me and has travel. i used to have some control over that but our business has grown so much that i'm on the phone 6 hours a day and been in 18 hotels since March.
between my work, kids sports, and travel for work and trying to make sure i make every single thing, i've gone through a bit of depression, started some heavy drinking, was pretty detached, and started having panic attacks.
my wife saw what was happening and asked me to step back. it started with telling her i felt like i was very alone and all i was doing was making sure my family had it easy and my job could depend on me and that i was drained walking out of my office every day and just know i was heading to another thing for the family.
she said to stop that and then to tell my boss to stop expecting me to be at his beck and call or he was going to lose me. I have a good relationship with him, so we had that conversation over drinks while on the road. he received it well and we're working on it.
all that is to say, you're not alone, but you also sound like you feel like you need to suffer in silence instead of having some agency. i'm not out of the woods in my situation, but it sounds like you should express that you've been shoehorned into some lifestyle functions that you don't want and you'd like to find a way to come out of it.
i know baws don't do counseling, but it sounds like your pent up frustration may lead to some negative consequences like it did for me. something to think about. i didn't know know what my frustration was or why i was acting the way i was until i talked it out with a few people and i was able to put it into words. i've told my boss no 3x times in the last two weeks, didn't get fired. told my teenage son he couldn't add a new activity in the fall and dealt with his frustration, but stayed firm on it being best for him and the family. I told my family i was stepping out to go for a run yesterday and didn't rush back.
it's baby steps, but it's helped.
This post was edited on 5/9/23 at 10:07 am
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:02 am to StringedInstruments
Nope. I’m still the same metal head I was in high school. My wife doesn’t like the stuff but I don’t ask her to. I go to concerts by myself, no big deal. I go fishing when I want, her and the kids are welcome but if they don’t want to go then no big deal, I’m going. 
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:06 am to AwgustaDawg
(no message)
This post was edited on 9/11/25 at 6:21 am
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:06 am to Cajunhawk81
quote:
As for changes in what you are into, it's normal. You wake up early because that's what men do when they grow older. You can't help it.
Used to be hell to get up at 7a, now I voluntarily get up at 3a and show up to work at 4a.
I also get off at noon, which is pretty awesome.
First half of life is acceptance and exploring. The last half is getting rid of most of that stuff and concentrating on what is fulfilling.
Page 6 of 11
Popular
Back to top
Follow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News