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re: Divorced people with kids, how did you rationalize “your happiness” over your child’s?
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:11 pm to Kujo
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:11 pm to Kujo
When my sister in law left my brother - I was not surprised
She was a selfish bitch that didn’t get what she wanted - more expensive house (they already had a new one) and a baby girl (I have a nephew)
I don’t think she considered my brother’s or nephew’s happiness for one second when she left. She only cared about herself and shat she wanted.
My brother can be an arse but he treated her well - but not in her eyes
She was a selfish bitch that didn’t get what she wanted - more expensive house (they already had a new one) and a baby girl (I have a nephew)
I don’t think she considered my brother’s or nephew’s happiness for one second when she left. She only cared about herself and shat she wanted.
My brother can be an arse but he treated her well - but not in her eyes
0
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:13 pm to Kujo
quote:
Divorcestats.info
Not sure what Critiquing the source would accomplish?
Your OP suggests infidelity is one of the only valid reasons for divorce. I’m just asking where you got your statistic as it seems low. Or at least underreported given certain variables (like No Fault states where it doesn’t have to be reported officially).
quote:
Was it involved in your situation?
I’ve never been divorced. I do counsel couples though, so I could probably legitimately have a discussion with you on what I’ve seen in my experience so far. But given how defensive you get when someone tries to have a discussion with you, probably not worth the time.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:16 pm to Kujo
This is a weird thread. Child of divorced parents. My wife’s parents are divorced. Them being separated had no ill effect on my happiness. But my parents didn’t raise me to be some snowflake who’s happiness is decided by other people’s actions and happiness.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:16 pm to BluegrassBelle
Likely not, move on to a harder leg.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:17 pm to Kujo
I grew up in a home with parents who were ill-suited to one another and fundamentally incompatible. It was an existence filled with latent anxieties and open hostilities and simmering resentments, all of which were perceptible to me, all of which complicated my journey to adulthood, all of which took an emotional toll. I appreciate my parents immensely, they are spectacular individuals, but they should have gotten divorced. It would have benefitted the entire family. Staying together for the children is sometimes just a way to avoid making agonizing decisions and difficult changes. In any event, no person should be yoked to misery.
This post was edited on 7/6/21 at 6:18 pm
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:18 pm to Kujo
Thanks for proving my point. 
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:20 pm to Kujo
Something like 75 / 80% of divorces are instigated by women. A ton of them decide they are "emotionally abused" and use that to justify their selfishness. It's not really "to death us do part." No fault divorce is a plague on our country.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:20 pm to DmitriKaramazov
quote:
Staying together for the children is sometimes just a way to avoid making agonizing decisions and difficult changes.
Like there wasn’t thousands of years of examples and experiences….this divorce option of the last 50 years has made everyone sooo much happier?
I must have a skewed view, y’all know better
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:21 pm to BluegrassBelle
Again adding nothing. Find someone else worthy of your time.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:25 pm to Kujo
Sometimes one party has no choice. They try but the other is abusive (often the wife) and cheats. Never been through it with kids, but I've worked with many who did.
Yes, people should try to overcome difficulties. But if one is hell-bent on leaving, there is little the other can do.
Yes, people should try to overcome difficulties. But if one is hell-bent on leaving, there is little the other can do.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:28 pm to Kujo
There is zero doubt in my mind my divorce was necessary and for the betterment of my children’s well being and future. Can’t understand why people think it’s ok to divorce if there’s infidelity but not if there’s negligence, substance abuse or an ongoing tumultuous situation at home. The latter cases have serious repercussions on the children, the former not so much. I will leave it at that.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:29 pm to Kujo
quote:
Not sure what Critiquing the source would accomplish? Was it involved in your situation?
Not sure if your anger stems from a shitty childhood and two shitty divorced parents, or, currently miserable in a terrible marriage and trying to convince yourself that you won’t allow your parents the satisfaction of watching you do what you’ve hated them all your life for doing.
Not so marriages are the same. People make mistakes, some before the marriage. Some during the marriage and some after.
You saying every person who gets a divorce is selfish tells me that your experiences in childhood must have been pretty terrible. But that doesn’t mean you are right.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:31 pm to Hennigan
quote:
Something like 75 / 80% of divorces are instigated by women. A ton of them decide they are "emotionally abused" and use that to justify their selfishness. It's not really "to death us do part." No fault divorce is a plague on our country.
Yeah they just bypass all the studies and stats regarding children and divorce, and simply defer to some assertion that children from homes where the parents fight are somehow worse off….Um, the studies are comparing children from dynamic broken homes (kind vs hostile divorce) to those in equally dynamic (kind vs hostile married) homes.
The ability to accept that simple deflection is what I’m trying to isolate….how do you fool yourself?
This post was edited on 7/6/21 at 6:35 pm
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:37 pm to Kujo
This board is primarily male, and women initiate the overwhelming majority of divorces, so I doubt you’re going to have a lot of good reasons posted here. I would bet that only a small handful of divorced OT’ers with kids were actually the ones whose idea it was to break up.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:41 pm to Kujo
I have a friend who stayed in an abusive marriage until her son was 17. She stayed to keep his family together.
Her son tells her today, "Worst thing you could have done, Mom. I wanted to kill him when he abused you."
At 28 he has some serious animosity for his now deceased father.
Her son tells her today, "Worst thing you could have done, Mom. I wanted to kill him when he abused you."
At 28 he has some serious animosity for his now deceased father.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:42 pm to Kujo
quote:
Did he get remarried?
Yes...twice as a matter of fact. He's not a bad guy perse, but he was never cut out to be a family man...in that context he was an arse.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:44 pm to Floating Change Up
quote:
Not sure if your anger stems from a
The happiest people in my immediate social circles are married with children. Those who are divorced with children still just complain about their ex’s and ongoing struggles of co-parenting. The single guys I know aren’t the happiest, and the single girls are a little depressing. (Wife’s friends)
Now that I’m grown and I cannot fathom leaving, helps that I love my wife and life I guess, but I don’t feel like we are anything special. I mean we don’t love each other enough to post professional Facebook couples photos.
This post was edited on 7/6/21 at 6:48 pm
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:49 pm to BrohemAlem11
quote:
Yes...twice as a matter of fact.
So he has desire and the ability to marry. He found a way to stay married to another person.
This post was edited on 7/6/21 at 6:49 pm
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:50 pm to Kujo
What a shitty post. You don't know how people's lives are. There a million things that could go wrong.
My son got to the point that when his mom and I talked to each other he would tell us to stop because he was so used to her yelling at me.
Verbal and physical abuse are real things. No child should have to grow up in that environment.
My son got to the point that when his mom and I talked to each other he would tell us to stop because he was so used to her yelling at me.
Verbal and physical abuse are real things. No child should have to grow up in that environment.
Posted on 7/6/21 at 6:51 pm to Kujo
Sure...he did. She has no kids and is so absorbed in her own interests she really doesn't care that he's incredibly distant, disinterested and travels 80% of the time. Like I said...he's not an awful person, he was just never cut out to have a family.
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