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Discussion of presumed future marriage among long-term couples...
Posted on 12/9/15 at 12:58 pm
Posted on 12/9/15 at 12:58 pm
I recently encountered a few odd scenarios among couples in their early 20s, and I wanted to see if the older generations thought these were out of the norm.
Couple 1:
This past weekend a friend of a friend married her boyfriend of the last several years (he is about 28 and she is around 22 and in grad school). However, prior to their official engagement, the bride became impatient and flat out told the groom that she wanted to get engaged "soon". The groom embarrassingly told her that he intended to make a move but he was attempting to save up enough money to by her a decent ring.
Couple 2:
My girlfriend's classmate from high school has been dating the same guy for about three years. They met while they were attending the same college on the West Coast. The two are currently attending grad/med school in New Orleans and are living together in a house essentially gifted to them by the girl's mother.
It has been presumed for awhile now that the two will inevitably get married, and the boyfriend has gone as far as to impose a deadline for himself. He has more or less told the girl that they will be engaged by May.
Couple 3:
A couple who attended Couple 1's wedding perhaps has the strangest details thus far.
They have been dating for apparently six or so years and were supposed to get engaged earlier this year. However, Couple 1 became engaged right before the male in Couple 3 was about to make his move. I guess he didn't want either couple to compete for attention so he has decided to hold out for a little longer before he pops the question. Still, the girl expects it any day.
I wonder, is it sort of odd to just openly talk about your assumed marriage or engagement with your significant other? I assume that people talk about these sorts of things to friends and family, but it seems odd to just nonchalantly discuss it with the person you're seeing (e.g. "I think she's the one").
Call me old fashioned, but it seems like you are removing a bit of the romance from the situation by being so open about it. Personally, an engagement shouldn't necessarily come as a shock to either party, it should be somewhat anticipated, but it also shouldn't be expected.
This sort of thing just seems like a recipe for disaster once you are finally married.
A female friend said that only conservative, religious types have such a view regarding engagements and marriage.
Couple 1:
This past weekend a friend of a friend married her boyfriend of the last several years (he is about 28 and she is around 22 and in grad school). However, prior to their official engagement, the bride became impatient and flat out told the groom that she wanted to get engaged "soon". The groom embarrassingly told her that he intended to make a move but he was attempting to save up enough money to by her a decent ring.
Couple 2:
My girlfriend's classmate from high school has been dating the same guy for about three years. They met while they were attending the same college on the West Coast. The two are currently attending grad/med school in New Orleans and are living together in a house essentially gifted to them by the girl's mother.
It has been presumed for awhile now that the two will inevitably get married, and the boyfriend has gone as far as to impose a deadline for himself. He has more or less told the girl that they will be engaged by May.
Couple 3:
A couple who attended Couple 1's wedding perhaps has the strangest details thus far.
They have been dating for apparently six or so years and were supposed to get engaged earlier this year. However, Couple 1 became engaged right before the male in Couple 3 was about to make his move. I guess he didn't want either couple to compete for attention so he has decided to hold out for a little longer before he pops the question. Still, the girl expects it any day.
I wonder, is it sort of odd to just openly talk about your assumed marriage or engagement with your significant other? I assume that people talk about these sorts of things to friends and family, but it seems odd to just nonchalantly discuss it with the person you're seeing (e.g. "I think she's the one").
Call me old fashioned, but it seems like you are removing a bit of the romance from the situation by being so open about it. Personally, an engagement shouldn't necessarily come as a shock to either party, it should be somewhat anticipated, but it also shouldn't be expected.
This sort of thing just seems like a recipe for disaster once you are finally married.
A female friend said that only conservative, religious types have such a view regarding engagements and marriage.
This post was edited on 12/9/15 at 1:44 pm
35
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:01 pm to saint amant steve
Yes, those are all stupid ways to get engaged/married.
But im a
But im a
quote:
conservative, religious type
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:01 pm to saint amant steve
That's how it usually works hondo.
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:03 pm to saint amant steve
Odd? Your significant other is the most important person to discuss that stuff with. 
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:03 pm to saint amant steve
None of those scenarios seem particularly odd to me.
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:03 pm to saint amant steve
quote:
but it seems odd to just nonchalantly discuss it with the person you're seeing
Why wouldn't you? This isn't some backwards society where your parents randomly choose who you marry.
This post was edited on 12/9/15 at 1:05 pm
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:04 pm to saint amant steve
I do not see anything out of the ordinary with any of those situations.
Especially the people in school.
If there is a person you love and you think they are the one you want to be with, what is wrong with discussing your future and make sure everything is lined up.
I would think more problems would come from getting engaged/married with no plan.
Especially the people in school.
If there is a person you love and you think they are the one you want to be with, what is wrong with discussing your future and make sure everything is lined up.
I would think more problems would come from getting engaged/married with no plan.
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:05 pm to saint amant steve
I'm not reading all that shite, but I do have an opinion on it. People today don't value marriage as much, it's pretty much a Facebook status and easily ended. The only people discussing engagement are the man and the woman's father. Once the blessing has been given, there's nothing else to discuss.
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:06 pm to saint amant steve
This is the natural outgrowth from couples having long term pre-marital sexual relationships prior to marriage. At some point they do it because they are supposed to. Meanwhile the mystery and romance is already gone because they've been fricking for five fricking years.
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:06 pm to saint amant steve
quote:
A female friend said that only conservative, religious types have such a view regarding engagements and marriage.
I'd say this is true in general, but I've seen it in lots of types of couples. If any of the scenarios you mentioned above happened to me I would take it as a major red flag. This is the type of chick that flips the switch as soon as you're married.
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:07 pm to saint amant steve
I know a couple who have set a wedding date, yet claim to not be engaged yet.
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:07 pm to saint amant steve
quote:
I wonder, is it sort of odd to just openly talk about your assumed marriage or engagement with your significant other?
It's not a bad thing to talk about marriage before being engaged. It's actually pretty normal and part of a healthy relationship. If one party is imposing deadlines to get engaged on the other, then that doesn't seem healthy at all and implies that one party isn't on the same page as the other. People should get married when they feel it's right and not rush into because of outside expectations.
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:09 pm to saint amant steve
quote:
the bride became impatient and flat out told the groom that she wanted to get engaged "soon"
Seen this before. Girl demands a ring and the guy obliges. Setting the tone for marriage IMHO. Regardless of if the guy is ready or not for marriage, the girl ultimately decides.
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:09 pm to saint amant steve
10 years dating, 3 years living together, engaged last month. We've been talking about getting married for 5 years, just never really happened.
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:12 pm to saint amant steve
I spoke very openly with my now fiance about how i was feeling and what i was going to do. i honestly didn't give a shite about romance, i wanted to know how she was feeling as well. i was also very open about what i was doing with the ring. we talked about it often, we looked at pictures and websites, up until i approved the design i was asking her what she thought about this millimeter vs that millimeter, etc etc. When it comes to that much money and that important a thing to her (and me) i wasn't going to leave anything to chance. I made goddamn sure she would like it.
now when and where and how i asked her, that was all secret of course, but to me the entire thing is too important to keep a secret and just hope and wish that it'll all work out.
Oh, and there were no demands or ultimatums, my ladyfriend is crazy, ahem a woman, but at least she's not crazy enough to try something so stupid...she's smart enough to know i require a more stealthy manipulation,
now when and where and how i asked her, that was all secret of course, but to me the entire thing is too important to keep a secret and just hope and wish that it'll all work out.
Oh, and there were no demands or ultimatums, my ladyfriend is crazy, ahem a woman, but at least she's not crazy enough to try something so stupid...she's smart enough to know i require a more stealthy manipulation,
This post was edited on 12/9/15 at 1:18 pm
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:13 pm to SUB
quote:
's actually pretty normal and part of a healthy relationship. If one party is imposing deadlines to get engaged on the other, then that doesn't seem healthy at all and implies that one party isn't on the same page as the other. People should get married when they feel it's right and not rush into because of outside expectations.
Red flag for the chick in the first couple. Hope that guy likes his wife forever holding his balls in her purse in their marriage.
If the couples are in their early 20s.....why the rush at all to get married?? They are so young and have plenty of time.
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:14 pm to saint amant steve
quote:
I wonder, is it sort of odd to just openly talk about your assumed marriage or engagement with your significant other?
I think they are the most important person to talk to about it.
Last thing you want to do is drop some $$$ on a bling-tastic ring and arrange a jumbotron proposal only to find out she's not even close to on the same page.
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:15 pm to lsunurse
quote:
If the couples are in their early 20s.....why the rush at all to get married?? They are so young and have plenty of time.
There is nothing wrong with getting married in your early 20s if that's what they want to do.
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:15 pm to saint amant steve
C1 is never gonna make it, IMO.
C2 sounds like they similar goals, so probably OK.
No idea on C3.
C2 sounds like they similar goals, so probably OK.
No idea on C3.
Posted on 12/9/15 at 1:17 pm to saint amant steve
quote:
it should be somewhat anticipated, but it also shouldn't be expected.
The frick?
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