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re: Dealing with death of a parent
Posted on 8/22/21 at 1:02 pm to ForLSU56
Posted on 8/22/21 at 1:02 pm to ForLSU56
As I read all this the first thought is your parents may have passed at a younger age than mine. I’m generalizing so don’t go bonkers.
My dad went first at 92 years old. His brain was still sharp but he had almost no control of body functions. That didn’t stop them from going to Vegas until he was about 90 and then my brother, sister snd I got in agreement and put a stop to it before he lost it on a flight and we had to drive out and get them home. We were constantly finding where he was being sold insurance and other stuff that unscrupulous people prey upon the elderly. It was a job trying to keep him reined in - had to be a mover and shaker till the end.
Mom went at 96 and had Alzheimer’s the last two years. She was a peaceful person.
My siblings and I were all in our sixties when they left. Since my sister was the main caregiver it hit her hardest. She couldn’t do enough for them and they knew how fortunate they were to have her. At different times it seemed like they alienated my brother and I but expected us to keep worshiping at their alter, and to a degree we did. They never behaved that way to my sister.
Everyone has different situations. Good luck with yours
My dad went first at 92 years old. His brain was still sharp but he had almost no control of body functions. That didn’t stop them from going to Vegas until he was about 90 and then my brother, sister snd I got in agreement and put a stop to it before he lost it on a flight and we had to drive out and get them home. We were constantly finding where he was being sold insurance and other stuff that unscrupulous people prey upon the elderly. It was a job trying to keep him reined in - had to be a mover and shaker till the end.
Mom went at 96 and had Alzheimer’s the last two years. She was a peaceful person.
My siblings and I were all in our sixties when they left. Since my sister was the main caregiver it hit her hardest. She couldn’t do enough for them and they knew how fortunate they were to have her. At different times it seemed like they alienated my brother and I but expected us to keep worshiping at their alter, and to a degree we did. They never behaved that way to my sister.
Everyone has different situations. Good luck with yours
0
Posted on 8/22/21 at 1:02 pm to G Vice
quote:
It has been obvious to us that you have done everything possible to take care of your dad and the rest of your family.
It's in God's hands now. It's always been in God's hands, by the way. You did the very best that you could. You have obeyed the Lord's Commandment to honor thy father and thy mother.
Thank you so much for your post. I needed to read exactly that in this moment. I struggle daily with wondering if I could have done more with my dad before he died. Was there something I missed doing that might have helped his mental illness? Am I really doing as much as I can for my mom and siblings right now? I know I need my own life and am trying to have that now but then I feel selfish as well. It’s a lot.
Posted on 8/22/21 at 1:04 pm to lsunurse
As time goes by, you start feeling guilty about not thinking of them as much you think you should.
Posted on 8/22/21 at 1:07 pm to lsunurse
A year, I suppose. But I also don't think of things like their birthday or date of death too much. I think about them multiple times per week but it's always a pleasant reminiscence. Some of them make me chuckle still.
This post was edited on 8/22/21 at 1:17 pm
Posted on 8/22/21 at 1:07 pm to lsunurse
You’re not selfish.
You deserve a life of your own. It seems you’re doing the very best for them and they’re blessed to have you.
There’s no easy answer.
You deserve a life of your own. It seems you’re doing the very best for them and they’re blessed to have you.
There’s no easy answer.
Posted on 8/22/21 at 1:22 pm to lsunurse
On Father’s Day, make sure you are surrounded by people who love you.
Posted on 8/22/21 at 1:24 pm to Bullfrog
Frog - I missed that while I was away. So sorry for your loss.
Posted on 8/22/21 at 1:38 pm to lsunurse
For me it was the 1 year anniversary of my Dad’s death when I could think of him and not tear up
Posted on 8/22/21 at 1:43 pm to ToroTiger
Christmas is the hardest holiday for me because it was my mom’s favorite holiday and she went all out for it. I hate Christmas since her death. I pretend for my kids, but I’m always just ready for it to be done and the Christmas decorations put away.
Posted on 8/22/21 at 1:47 pm to lsunurse
It gets better with time. I cant say how long because everyone is different. Yesterday was 34 years since my dad passed. I'm ok with it now but miss him dearly. And I hate that he never got to know my family, wife and kids and grand kids. Hang in there, take as long as you need to heal.
Posted on 8/22/21 at 1:49 pm to lsunurse
quote:
When does is truly get to where you just don’t all of a sudden get punched in the face with the grief? A year? 2 years?
My mom died two years ago. Her birthday was a few days before your dad.
You see it coming a few days out. There's an almost sad acceptance on the day where you remember how old she would be. And you move on.
I still reach for my phone to call her a few times a year. Usually when on vacation. It's an odd feeling. I mainly feel bad for her sister. And I try to treat her like she's my mother as much as I can.
This post was edited on 8/22/21 at 1:52 pm
Posted on 8/22/21 at 1:49 pm to lsunurse
I’m in my 30’s and both of my parents have been gone for years. Been an orphan my entire 30’s. It can still be tough all these years later, but it gets easier.
My faith and good people have carried me through. All the best to you.
My faith and good people have carried me through. All the best to you.
Posted on 8/22/21 at 1:55 pm to lsunurse
Thank you for asking. My dad, as the board probably remembers from my topic, is still on a ventilator and the day he went on I felt like he passed. I know it’s not over, but I have to accept it’s out of my control and that I even if the worst happens I know my dad would want me to live a life that made me happy. It’s okay to grieve for a time; we’re supposed to. I imagine it’s one of those things that doesn’t all process right away, and I know it’s rough. My house is so quiet without him
Posted on 8/22/21 at 2:02 pm to lsunurse
My dad died when I was 16.
Everybody in our family deal with it differently.
Oddly enough I did okay for the first few years.
I played two sports in high school and so that helped to keep me active and really to stay out of trouble in those days.
After I finished high school though is where things got tough.
My dad had some severe alcohol problems as did some others in our family.
So when I was about 20 years old that's when I started to have problems with it as well.
I pretty much kept every thing bottled up inside when my dad actually passed away and I don't think I ever grieved properly and I don't know if that had anything to do with me time to flying off the handle years later.
Still to this day I'll drink occasionally and when I do admittedly go overboard but I could say with confidence that it doesn't affect my everyday life or in a negative way to where I feel like I really need help.
My best advice to you on how to handle it is if you feel like grieving than do it. Don't keep things bottled up.
Everybody in our family deal with it differently.
Oddly enough I did okay for the first few years.
I played two sports in high school and so that helped to keep me active and really to stay out of trouble in those days.
After I finished high school though is where things got tough.
My dad had some severe alcohol problems as did some others in our family.
So when I was about 20 years old that's when I started to have problems with it as well.
I pretty much kept every thing bottled up inside when my dad actually passed away and I don't think I ever grieved properly and I don't know if that had anything to do with me time to flying off the handle years later.
Still to this day I'll drink occasionally and when I do admittedly go overboard but I could say with confidence that it doesn't affect my everyday life or in a negative way to where I feel like I really need help.
My best advice to you on how to handle it is if you feel like grieving than do it. Don't keep things bottled up.
Posted on 8/22/21 at 2:07 pm to lsunurse
Sorry for your loss, Nurse.
I lost my father to cancer when I was a young teen. It took an entire year to get back into a normal headspace. It has been more than 20 years and it still hits me hard sometimes.
I lost my father to cancer when I was a young teen. It took an entire year to get back into a normal headspace. It has been more than 20 years and it still hits me hard sometimes.
Posted on 8/22/21 at 2:08 pm to schwartzy
Schwartzy you and your family are in my prayers and I will pray for your father to recover.
The lack of control is hard.
I hope a loud house with him in it again will be in your future
The lack of control is hard.
I hope a loud house with him in it again will be in your future
Posted on 8/22/21 at 2:09 pm to lsunurse
Nurse, sorry again for the loss. Prayers sent. Sucks so much to lose a parent.
Posted on 8/22/21 at 2:13 pm to lsunurse
I just hit 4 years last week losing my dad. Still really tough
Posted on 8/22/21 at 2:14 pm to lsunurse
Prayers Nurse
Posted on 8/22/21 at 2:26 pm to lsunurse
You have to remember the good times with your dad and somehow block out the few bad times. He was a gift and you rejoice that you had a wonderful life when he was here. He would want you to go on with your life without grieving him. It does get better. Hang in there.
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