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Posted on 8/23/21 at 9:49 am to DiamondDog
quote:
Wasn't he a TV repair man?
Yes he was
And thanks again to all the replies. I’ve read each one and it really helped me yesterday. In spite of how divisive the OT has become recently due to all the COVID crap…..it’s nice to see reminders of the old OT. And to be reminded of how many decent people there really are posting. So thanks again.
Posted on 8/23/21 at 10:01 am to Volsfan82169
quote:
The “firsts” will be difficult. Like the first Thanksgiving, first Christmas without is really hard, no doubt. But even after that, accomplishments in my kid’s lives, I often think about what my dad would think. He died March of 2016.
Some first are weird, too. My husband died 7 years ago, suddenly. We were both huge football fans, he, Alabama and I, LSU. The first day of NCAA football season was a big day at our house and we always did special things. That first season opener was really hard. The LSU/Bama games have been tough. I mean I understand why it was hard, but it hit me harder than Thanksgiving and as much as Christmas. I was prepared for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those out of the blue days are the hardest.
You'll heal. But a year from now, you'll look back and realize it was like you were in a fog, just going thru the paces and not really always knowing what was going on or thinking clearly. At some point, it feels like you come out of the fog.
Now at 7 years later, my adult kids and I quite often say things like, "Dad would have loved that." or "OMG, what your dad would have said about that!" Memories and talking about them are good!
Posted on 8/23/21 at 10:01 am to Kujo
quote:
Celebration.
Wtf, honestly people need to stop with the bullshite.
How long do you want to live to be,100? Ask most 90 year olds, they will say “kinda wish I would have died before my friends and a couple children and a grandchild did”
We all die, it’s inevitable. Why we believe that being a shell of yourself, soiling your diapers, hating pretty much everything you “need to learn how to do” to live your last few years is somehow a great thing that people who croak a decade or two earlier will “miss”.
Death is peace. All your horrible memories are gone, all your worries, over. Even the good things are fleeting. Don’t see death as bad, see it for what it is….the end…a peace no one else can comprehend while alive.
Have you ever experienced loss of a loved one? Its easy to think about it logically when you haven't experienced loss, but no matter what, you can't remove the emotions of it.
I agree that you have to also celebrate their life, but that doesn't make it hurt less. My mom lost her mom in the early 90s and she still has moments where she says "I wish my mother was here to see this".
Kids having their first day of kindergarten is inevitable, but it is still an emotional moment for parents.
Posted on 8/23/21 at 10:06 am to lsunurse
quote:
I posted a reply to you in the LNST at 3:00 this morning (God knows why I was up at that time). But I said that the "firsts" that occur in the year following the death of a loved one are difficult. I do not have any real advice as to how to make it better.
I know what worked better for me. On a lot of those "big" days, the lead up and dread was harder than the day itself. I would wake up almost every day for a year or so and say to myself, "Today is going to be a good day. I will do something to make it so!" Then in bed or in the shower, I'd think about my husband (lost him 7 years ago and we were married for 34) and give myself a little time to cry, etc and get it out. Then I'd go about my day and try to shut it out so I could function. I tried really hard to not think about it much at night or I could end up crying a long time...not good.
Do you have a good friend or you BF who you could always call when it's getting bad? Make plans! That's helpful as well.
Posted on 8/23/21 at 10:07 am to LaLadyinTx
quote:
Some first are weird, too. My husband died 7 years ago, suddenly. We were both huge football fans, he, Alabama and I, LSU. The first day of NCAA football season was a big day at our house and we always did special things. That first season opener was really hard. The LSU/Bama games have been tough. I mean I understand why it was hard, but it hit me harder than Thanksgiving and as much as Christmas. I was prepared for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those out of the blue days are the hardest.
First of all, I am sorry for your loss and you are absolutely right about this. The holidays you are prepared for, but its the other things that we take for granted that really has an impact on you.
For me, it really hit me when I wanted to know what my dad would have thought of something..For that split second I was thinking as if he was still there and then I realized he was gone.
Posted on 8/23/21 at 10:09 am to lsunurse
Oh man I'm sorry to hear you going through this. Something that helped me was to just accept the feeling of it and let it come and not fight it. I noticed that feeling would get shorter and shorter and then eventually I could rationalize and say, hey it was time for my folks to go. That's life. Honestly brother, it's a lot better than covering it up with a bottle all the time. Prayers for you, my friend!
Posted on 8/23/21 at 10:13 am to lsunurse
I lost my Mom 2 years ago, and today would have been her 67th birthday. It's never easy, and you'll always miss them. The only thing you can do is reflect on the memories you have and be thankful for everything they provided for you.
I loved my Mom a ton, and I miss her everyday.
I loved my Mom a ton, and I miss her everyday.
Posted on 8/23/21 at 10:24 am to lsunurse
My Mom passed away on June 3rd. She went into Ochsner Hospital in New Orleans on January 10. They wanted to release her to a SNF in early February but I had her transported to Baton Rouge and put in to one of the SNF's that my company runs so that I could get in and out of the facility because at the time there was no vistation in SNF's and hasdd we placed her ina SNF in New Orleans no one would have had access. Every day for nearly four months I visited her before work, during my lunch break, and after work. I would leave home and be gone for 14-15 hours per day. During this time we had four different hospital stays. Finally on Memorial Day they gave me the talk about Hospice. I made the decision to put her in Hospice and within 2 days she passed away. I am grateful for the time that I was able to spend with her during that four month period as cumulatively it was probably more time than I had spent with her in the last 10 years. For a while, I could not even drive home down Bluebonnet because every night I would turn on Picardy to visit her on my way home and when I no longer had to do that I would break down. It's no longer at that point but I am still not able to look at any pictures without breaking down. After 80 days it has gotten a little easier but still very difficult and I know that the first Thanksgiving and Christmas without her will be difficult as well.
Posted on 8/23/21 at 10:26 am to lsunurse
Nurse, my condolences. Stay the course. Things do get better.
Lost my Dad in December 2005. Mom and Dad were in Metairie, my family and I in BR. He died in his car of a massive heart attack. In a parking lot. The thing that hurts most is that I couldn't say goodbye. He was just gone.
Lost my Mom last July 8. She was in the hospital. Couldn't visit because of Covid. Again, just gone, no goodbye.
I was a lot closer to my Dad than my Mom. That's just how things worked out. She was ill for quite a while, so it was almost a relief at the end.
Things will get better. Eventually you will smile or laugh at a memory instead of crying. Mourn as long as you have to. Don't let anyone tell you that it's time to get over it.
Lost my Dad in December 2005. Mom and Dad were in Metairie, my family and I in BR. He died in his car of a massive heart attack. In a parking lot. The thing that hurts most is that I couldn't say goodbye. He was just gone.
Lost my Mom last July 8. She was in the hospital. Couldn't visit because of Covid. Again, just gone, no goodbye.
I was a lot closer to my Dad than my Mom. That's just how things worked out. She was ill for quite a while, so it was almost a relief at the end.
Things will get better. Eventually you will smile or laugh at a memory instead of crying. Mourn as long as you have to. Don't let anyone tell you that it's time to get over it.
Posted on 8/23/21 at 10:28 am to LaLadyinTx
quote:
Do you have a good friend or you BF who you could always call when it's getting bad?
I do actually. Beachdude (he posted in the thread) is a really good friend of mine and since he knows how it feels to lose a parent…has been a lifesaver at times when I needed someone to talk to. And I have other friends as well (some posters from here actually) that I can always reach out to as well. I spent yesterday afternoon/night with my bf and he was great at keeping me distracted and making me laugh. I know it must be kinda a little awkward for him…we just started dating only a couple months ago. However he tries to be supportive when I need it and I appreciate that. So I do thankfully have others to lean on when I have “bad dad days” as I call them.
Posted on 8/23/21 at 10:39 am to lsunurse
it sucks. my dad has been dead for 4 years and i haven't dreamed about him once. i wish he'd come visit every now and then. we were very close.
Posted on 8/23/21 at 10:56 am to lsunurse
Both my parents died in 2007. I would say it took a little over a year for things to get back to "normal".
In addition to dealing with the loss I had to deal with their estate and moving everything from their home, selling their house etc.
And the first year holidays are especially tough. Christmas and Thanksgiving was always a really big deal in my family and that first one without my parents was difficult.
It will get better but it takes time.
In addition to dealing with the loss I had to deal with their estate and moving everything from their home, selling their house etc.
And the first year holidays are especially tough. Christmas and Thanksgiving was always a really big deal in my family and that first one without my parents was difficult.
It will get better but it takes time.
Posted on 8/23/21 at 11:25 am to lsunurse
Lost my dad in January and just had my first birthday without him. On top of that, I really got messed up because I'm basically half the age my dad was when he died. Put me in a funk for a week or so. But that's what happens. The grief kind of hits you at random times. I think about him everyday but only get sad every so often. Usually when I'm holding my baby will I get really sad. Something about it just hits me hard.
But I think it's getting better. They say time heals all wounds but I think it more we learn to live with the grief. You have to process it and readjust your life to the loss. Some are better than others at this.
But I think it's getting better. They say time heals all wounds but I think it more we learn to live with the grief. You have to process it and readjust your life to the loss. Some are better than others at this.
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