re: Dealing with a break up as a father

In the meantime, prepare an exodus strategy. Document your finances including trends and "normalcy". Do not yell or make her feel "uncomfortable". Keep doing Dad things. Feed. Change. Bathe. Talk to any friends and family in the immediate area. If you go 50/50, present the extended network of loving people as your support when needed. Solidify your current employment. Don't be unpredictable and do or buy things out of impulse. Do NOT abuse drugs or alcohol. Pay all bills on time. Go to church (if you do already, dont miss).

You can do this. Don't relent to anyone for that baby. 17 more years will fly by. Trust us.

I wouldn’t worry about the 50/50. The kids in high school who’s dads fought for custody were always bummed out when they had to go because the dads lived in little apartments instead of a nice house like the moms. The cool kids were the ones who’s dads weren’t in the picture because their moms would let us drink at the house and had all these cool pills to swipe

It sucks.

I tried 3 times to make it work. Never did.

Now the child of Thanos sees
his father on weekends.

and some may think the grass is greener on the other side, the water bill is always much higher.

My wife and I have made it through some pretty rough times because of this reason. I feel you on not wanting to face the day where you can't see your child whenever.

But, from the other side, my parents divorced when I was about a year old. It never affected me in the slightest. I didn't really see it as a problem growing up and have become a pretty stand up citizen if I must say so. So if it is the last option, I would go ahead and pull the trigger. I have friends parents who got divorced after they were older and I would say about 80 percent of them it had a really profound effect on them. Of that 80%, probably half ended up strung out or getting some whore knocked up before they were 21. But like I said, it should be a last ditch decision to pull the plug.

I hope that you and your wife can salvage your marriage. But whether or not your marriage works out, you and your wife need to do what is best for your daughter.

My son’s mother and I separated before his first birthday and came to agreements about visitation and support. I am an attorney (who has never handled a divorce) but we were able to come to agreements and did not incur any attorney fees.

The most important thing is that you treat one another with respect and neither of you bad-mouth the other in front of your child. I assure you that the divorce of my son’s mother was nasty and contentious. But my son never heard me say an ugly word about his mother and I feel certain that he never heard her say an ugly thing about me. We brought him up together even though she remarried and there was a step-father in the picture.

One last thing, if you put your child’s well-being above petty squabbles, your child will turn out fine. My son was a week shy of his first birthday when his mother and I separated. I know my mother was horrified by my divorce and said that it would affect my son’s development.

Quite frankly, I do not know a more well-adjusted 36 year old young man. He has been successful in everything he has done. He graduated from wonderful schools; earned a Ph.D. from Johns Hopkins in neuroscience; and is now doing very well as a venture capitalist. He and his wife will celebrate their first anniversary at the end of this month and their first child is due in early October.

I am very proud of him, not only for his accomplishments but, because he is truly a fine and caring young man.

Good luck to you and your family.

4 pages in and no one has mentioned it’s his step-daughter? So unless he adopted her (which wasn’t mentioned) then his recourse is severely limited unfortunately. Kin takes precedence all day long.

ETA: posted this in wrong thread. Daughter is his not a stepdaughter

I guess I missed anything about a step child. Where is that?

My wife and I almost divorced when my son was 2. I was going to move for a job and she and my son were not going to come with me.

I decided to push the job off and work on my family. I didn’t want to wake up every morning and not see my son. After some rough months we worked it out, reconciles and are happily married 10 years later.

That may not be your story. It may be irreconcilable, and if so I’m sorry. But I would recommend exhausting all options on counseling.

It may not work out but trying isn’t going to crush your soul any more than the divorce process, losing half your shite, and seeing your daughter every other weekend will.

Try counseling first

If you can find a way to make it work it’s best for everyone