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re: Dad joke thread. What’s the worst part of playing tag with clowns?
Posted on 12/16/22 at 12:05 pm to Floyd Dawg
Posted on 12/16/22 at 12:05 pm to Floyd Dawg
What do you say to a friend if you have given him diarrhea?
Please return the bucket
Please return the bucket
Posted on 12/16/22 at 12:15 pm to 75503Tiger
How do you stop a charging bull?
Cancel his credit cards
Cancel his credit cards
Posted on 12/16/22 at 12:18 pm to Floyd Dawg
quote:
quote:
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
no eye-deer (no idea)
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no testicles?
no fricking eye-deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye-deer
What do you call a deer that can't see, has no legs and no dick?
Still No fricking Eye Deer
Posted on 12/16/22 at 12:29 pm to Breadstick Gun
The other day I held the door open for a clown...it was a nice Jester.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? Because he conditioned it.
What were Michael Jackson's pronouns? Hee/Hee.
I made ten puns yesterday to try to make people laugh. No pun in ten did.
If you get an e-mail from me about canned meat, don't open it...it's Spam.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? Because he conditioned it.
What were Michael Jackson's pronouns? Hee/Hee.
I made ten puns yesterday to try to make people laugh. No pun in ten did.
If you get an e-mail from me about canned meat, don't open it...it's Spam.
Posted on 12/17/22 at 1:55 am to Breadstick Gun
What's the difference between a girl in a bathtub and one on a church pew? The girl on the pew has hope in her soul.
What's the difference between the girls track team and a group of clever pygmies? One's a bunch of cunning runts.
Why do duck have tail feathers? To cover their butt quack.
Why does a bald guy have a hole in his pocket? So he can run his fingers through his hair.
Confucius say "Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day"
Confucius also say. "Woman who masturbate on period get caught red handed"
What's the difference between the girls track team and a group of clever pygmies? One's a bunch of cunning runts.
Why do duck have tail feathers? To cover their butt quack.
Why does a bald guy have a hole in his pocket? So he can run his fingers through his hair.
Confucius say "Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day"
Confucius also say. "Woman who masturbate on period get caught red handed"
This post was edited on 12/17/22 at 2:00 am
Posted on 12/17/22 at 2:09 am to SoFlaGuy
quote:
What do gay horses eat? Haaayyyyyyyy!
What does a gay rooster say?
“A cock a dude’ll do.”
Posted on 12/17/22 at 3:03 am to Breadstick Gun
A basketball enters a nightclub and rolls up to the bar.
The bartender says "Can I help you?"
The basketball says "Yeah. I heard y'all were looking for a bouncer."
The bartender says "Can I help you?"
The basketball says "Yeah. I heard y'all were looking for a bouncer."
Posted on 12/17/22 at 3:03 am to yurintroubl
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
Because they're shellfish.
Posted on 12/17/22 at 7:40 am to Breadstick Gun
Do people laugh out loud in Hawaii?
No, it’s just a lo ha.
No, it’s just a lo ha.
Posted on 12/17/22 at 9:16 am to Breadstick Gun
A burglar breaks into a house. He begins to search the home for valuables when hears a quiet voice say,
“Jesus is watching you.”
He dismisses it as paranoia and carries on with his crime. He hears the voice again,
“Jesus is watching you.”
He’s knows this time it’s not in his head so he looks around the room and sees a parrot in the corner. He walks over to the parrot and it repeats one more time,
“Jesus is watching you”.
The burglar says to the parrot,
“Is your name Jesus?”
“No it’s Moses,” the parrot answers.
The burglar laughs and says,
“Who names a parrot Moses?” and the parrot says,
“The same person who named the Rottweiler Jesus.”
“Jesus is watching you.”
He dismisses it as paranoia and carries on with his crime. He hears the voice again,
“Jesus is watching you.”
He’s knows this time it’s not in his head so he looks around the room and sees a parrot in the corner. He walks over to the parrot and it repeats one more time,
“Jesus is watching you”.
The burglar says to the parrot,
“Is your name Jesus?”
“No it’s Moses,” the parrot answers.
The burglar laughs and says,
“Who names a parrot Moses?” and the parrot says,
“The same person who named the Rottweiler Jesus.”
Posted on 12/17/22 at 9:44 am to Breadstick Gun
Guess which celebrity is going cereal commercials?
Reese, with her spoon.
Reese, with her spoon.
Posted on 12/17/22 at 11:27 am to victoire sécurisé
You know how Prometheus gets his pizza?
De-livered
De-livered
Posted on 12/17/22 at 11:34 am to fr33manator
What has Beethoven been doing the last 200 years?
Decomposing.
Decomposing.
Posted on 12/17/22 at 11:40 am to fightin tigers
You know who the holiest primates are?
Monk-eys
Monk-eys
Posted on 12/17/22 at 11:44 am to fr33manator
What do catholic priest and St Louis Cardinals fans have in common?
They both love Pujols.
They both love Pujols.
Posted on 12/17/22 at 12:04 pm to fightin tigers
What did the bug say to the windshield?
That's me all over.
It's so cold-I can feel the change in my pocket.
It's so cold-it will be 12 at midnight.
That's me all over.
It's so cold-I can feel the change in my pocket.
It's so cold-it will be 12 at midnight.
Posted on 12/17/22 at 1:03 pm to tss22h8
The Tower of London is not Big Ben. Is time reference to imprisonment?
Posted on 12/17/22 at 2:43 pm to thatsnotmydog
I’m surprised he could enunciate all of that, what with all the foreskins stuck in his teeth.
Posted on 12/17/22 at 2:49 pm to Mor Miles
Why can’t ants catch COVID?
They have anty-bodies.
They have anty-bodies.
Posted on 12/17/22 at 2:59 pm to Breadstick Gun
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A labracadabradore
A labracadabradore
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