Building a more perfect commode

Several days ago, someone started a thread about devices so perfect they cannot be improved.

One TDer suggested the toilet was just such a device. There was some disagreement about this, but I didn't read any specific suggestions that really moved me. Eating some food out of my fridge that should have been tossed has changed that. I've now thought about this a lot. I'm convinced that toilets have not yet achieved their optimal design. We need to design a toilet that helps us poop smarter, not harder.

A better designed toilet should have these features:

Front mount
You should not have to turn around to sit. We approach from the front, often during a moment of urgency. A well designed toilet should optimize our inertia. The current design is probably even tougher on wheelchair bound people. They should be able to wheel up and slide forward without spinning around, not park their chair on the side of the toilet and then somehow maneuver to the side.

The other benefit of forward mount is it should enable a more ergonomic access for courtesy flushes.

Handlebars
Handlebars on a front mount design will help handicapped people pull themselves forward AND give the user something to grip. I recommend flush placement to mimic the throttle on a motorcycle. Right hand flush, left hand bidet.

Forward Lean
Forward lean just happens to work perfectly with a forward mount and handlebars. It just so happens that this is also the most sensible way to eliminate that final plop of water splashing up into your b-hole. In public restrooms, this can leave you praying that your predecessors didn't have AIDS. Launching a loaf should be more like entering a pool from a water slide, not a diving board.

A raised deck for foot placement
There's a reason why the Squatty Potty is getting traction. Buying a 7 inch stool may be a strategy, but producing a 7 inch stool should be the outcome. The feces aficionados of the Squatty Potty assert that the proper angle for a proper slow dangle and drop is 35 degrees. But proper foot placement which enables the knees to be raised, should not be dependent on an after-market accessory. The truth is you may not be as constipated as you think. Maybe it's your posture. Maybe the real culprit is the inferior design of your porcelain throne. Science proves it's all in the proper anorectal angle of your defecational expulsions.
..........

I know what you're all thinking, "Stop, Willie. You're making too much sense. There's only so much perfection we can handle in a single idea session."

Yeah, you're right. That probably IS all you can handle. But brace yourselves, because I feel one more coming on.

Cup holders
Nuff said.

But maybe more needs to be.

Lagniappe
For some of us, taking a shite is the only personal time we can get when not sleeping. When passing, we often look for ways seize the moment and pass the time. The opportunity to make an efficient or entertaining passing of the time is often too good to pass up. The space between the handlebars would be perfect for a "shelf" for reading material, mobile devices, a charging station, or even just a place to put your sandwich.

All this win in one device? In one, broad-sweeping concept change, one of life's most cringe worthy moments is transformed into one of life's greatest pleasures that also serve up healthier, more natural and effortless poops. It's like buying your rectum a juicer.

What say you OT? Should I set up a gofundme page?

Anyone care to name it? I'll share profits for naming rights.