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Started By
Message
re: Are Many Couples Actually Happy?
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:46 pm to fr33manator
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:46 pm to fr33manator
quote:
Because man, these are the days you’ll want back. Even the hard ones. There is no greater joy, or challenge, than raising kids.
They look up to you, want your love, need your attention. And going through life depressed is going to have an effect on them.
This may be true. But also, there are instances in life where parents are miserable and don't ever like being parents. That surely doesn't absolve him of his responsibility to be a good father, but I don't think invalidating his experience is helping either. In fact, I think it may do nothing more than make him feel like a piece of shite two-fold.
I'm sure he already feels like there is something wrong because he is not enjoying parenthood. Nobody can say whether he will one day miss this time in his life or not. But I respect where you're coming from.
This post was edited on 12/19/21 at 2:48 pm
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Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:48 pm to Rick9Plus
quote:
Make each others’ happiness (and your own) come before the happiness of the kids
I don't get how people don't understand this. If you're not happy in life, you're going to make everyone else around you, including your kids, miserable. You have to prioritize your happiness first. I'm not saying drop the kids off at grandma's and go drinking every weekend, but people need to just let their kids be kids and stop making your adult life revolve around scheduling your kids activities.
Be an a-hole and abandon your kids a few hours a week to do something fun, they'll survive a few hours of not having their day planned in advance while they hang out with whichever goofy arse relative feels like watching them.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:49 pm to TigerFanatic99
quote:
God knows we are certainly not. We have 5 year old twins and at this part are good friends co-parenting. We both work well as a team, generally like each other, and have no interest trying to be single again.
It is what it is. I've got 40 or 50 more years in this world to get through then it's finally fricking done
Might be the saddest thing I've ever read here.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:54 pm to JustLivinTheDream
quote:
I'm not saying drop the kids off at grandma's and go drinking every weekend
Oops
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:57 pm to GreenRockTiger
Our oldest of 7 will graduate this year and has joined the Air Force. We are happy AF to be done. And yes we are happy
This post was edited on 12/19/21 at 2:58 pm
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:59 pm to mattz1122
quote:
The couple that prays together, stays together.
Thanks Facebook.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 2:59 pm to Hoyt
I don't judge anyone in your situation, because the deck is completely stacked against married couples.
That said, I married my high school sweetheart and we have been together over 20 years. We're a team, and while we both have to give up a little on individual preferences sometimes, the friendship, jokes and shared benefits make up for it 10 fold. Especially raising our kids.
I sincerely thank God for her every day.
I fully understand this isn't the norm, and it seems lame to read about from the outside, but a lot of times I only read the negative side. That, or folks project a facade on Facebook.
Just saying, it can be tough if you have a bad teammate, but it can be awesome with the right one. Don't give up on happiness within a good marriage, and don't let them get away if you've found a good one.
That said, I married my high school sweetheart and we have been together over 20 years. We're a team, and while we both have to give up a little on individual preferences sometimes, the friendship, jokes and shared benefits make up for it 10 fold. Especially raising our kids.
I sincerely thank God for her every day.
I fully understand this isn't the norm, and it seems lame to read about from the outside, but a lot of times I only read the negative side. That, or folks project a facade on Facebook.
Just saying, it can be tough if you have a bad teammate, but it can be awesome with the right one. Don't give up on happiness within a good marriage, and don't let them get away if you've found a good one.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 3:01 pm to Hoyt
quote:
Are they all craving attention that much? Do they believe the grass is greener?
yes, the ones on social media all the time are nothing but unhappy always craving attention and wanting to be some form of a victim of something every single day
find one who isnt constantly on her phone and posting to social media (yes i know those are unicorns today) and you have a chance at a normal relationship
Posted on 12/19/21 at 3:03 pm to Hoyt
Like everything else in our culture expectations are skewed and people are chasing the wrong things.
The most content people I know don't have movie-romances. They can get messy. The highs aren't that high, at least in Instagram/Hollywood terms. But they're locked in, their spouse is probably their best friend even if they wouldn't describe it like that, and neither can envision life without the other. All the guy's plans and aspirations are inseparably intertwined with those of his wife, etc.
As I get older, I accept more and more that everything in life is not "for me". Having the best career, the dream job, the hottest wife, the smartest or most athletic kids, etc. Our culture calls that "settling" but it's real. It's how the huge majority of joyful, productive people in history have lived. Few things will go perfectly, and what's more - you probably wouldn't be happy if they did. You'd just become more patterned to expect perfection and become more disappointed by anything less.
The most content people I know don't have movie-romances. They can get messy. The highs aren't that high, at least in Instagram/Hollywood terms. But they're locked in, their spouse is probably their best friend even if they wouldn't describe it like that, and neither can envision life without the other. All the guy's plans and aspirations are inseparably intertwined with those of his wife, etc.
As I get older, I accept more and more that everything in life is not "for me". Having the best career, the dream job, the hottest wife, the smartest or most athletic kids, etc. Our culture calls that "settling" but it's real. It's how the huge majority of joyful, productive people in history have lived. Few things will go perfectly, and what's more - you probably wouldn't be happy if they did. You'd just become more patterned to expect perfection and become more disappointed by anything less.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 3:06 pm to High C
quote:
The moral decline has led to marriage really not meaning much anymore.
Primarily the moral decline in young women.
Women want to waste their 20's partying and then want "captain save a hoe" to rescue them when they are 30 and their looks are fading and they have a triple digit body count.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 3:36 pm to Hoyt
quote:
Are they all craving attention that much?
Have you seen reality TV lately? It's pure women-driven fantasy bullshite about helicopter rides to dates and how if your man doesn't do this he's a shithead type stuff. It doesn't help the amount of deadbeat dads that don't pay for shite throwing single children out into the world.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 3:38 pm to Hoyt
Okay I'll say it:
Social media has made things worse. Unrealistic expectations. Couples thinking that they can "do better" instead of working on their own relationship.
Instead of taking the time to better a marriage, couples rather take the easy way out now and social media enables that behavior. Don't like your SO any more? Divorce them and start swiping.
Social media has made things worse. Unrealistic expectations. Couples thinking that they can "do better" instead of working on their own relationship.
Instead of taking the time to better a marriage, couples rather take the easy way out now and social media enables that behavior. Don't like your SO any more? Divorce them and start swiping.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 3:39 pm to go ahead make my day
quote:
Primarily the moral decline in young women.
Unless most are going gay, sounds like a moral decline in young men too.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 3:41 pm to Hoyt
Incredibly hard finding the right one. Especially if no kids together.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 3:55 pm to Hoyt
My wife and I have been married 27 years and together for 31, and at 49 and 47 we are just as happy today as ever. Neither of us drink, party, etc. We both have God in our lives and actually enjoy one another. My wife isn't a bat shite crazy female either like every other one I dated. I got lucky.
This post was edited on 12/19/21 at 3:56 pm
Posted on 12/19/21 at 4:00 pm to Hoyt
My observation is that half of the couples you see are happy - the wife half.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 4:05 pm to fallguy_1978
quote:
We are likely going to be empty nesters in 3.5 years so that will be an interesting change for us.
I hope you're right, but don't count on it. With today's "Boomerang Kids" you'd be surprised how often they want to return home after getting a taste of what it's like to be responsible for themselves.
Ask me how I know.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 4:06 pm to blueridgeTiger
quote:
My observation is that half of the couples you see are happy - the wife half.
I wonder why the husband half aren’t happy - poor decision makers
This post was edited on 12/19/21 at 4:09 pm
Posted on 12/19/21 at 4:12 pm to GreenRockTiger
The problem with many married women with kids is they want to be a mom 100% of the time and don't dedicate any time to also being a wife. Once the kids leave, the marriage falls apart.....and many times, the dude finds a side piece way before then.
Posted on 12/19/21 at 4:13 pm to gumbo2176
quote:
I hope you're right, but don't count on it. With today's "Boomerang Kids" you'd be surprised how often they want to return home after getting a taste of what it's like to be responsible for themselves.
yeah the oldest one has been back once during the Rona but not for too long 
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