re: 12 Steps vs other methods in recovery

When I was trying to get sober I was so bad that I would literally stop at the first gas station I saw after a meeting. I got nothing out of them but I believe that was me. As others have said not everyone can buy into the 12 steps. For me it was having life changing circumstances that did it.
Then I had to go to rehab to medically detox off the stuff. Then actually just shut it down for a couple months after the rehab. I would not go near a restaurant or inside a gas station. Grocery store also was off the list.

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Currently living in a sober facility now.

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congrats on the choice to live clean and sober.... had no idea you were one of us

I will say a few things here that may ruffle some feathers, but you wanted advice.

The data is very clear that LONG term (>5yrs) sobriety is most strongly correlated with participation/activity in 12 step model based programs.

The large majority of people who say it didn’t work for them did not complete all 12 steps under the guidance of an experienced sponsor.

Any amount of time under 1 year is still considered early to very early sobriety and you should be cautious to those advising you to do “what works for me” that fall into that category UNLESS they have completed all 12 steps.

It is natural to question whether 12 steps is for you or not, and the large majority are going to feel like it is not-mainly because of the ongoing scenarios of early recovery and states of the brain normalizing during this period.

The wisest decision you can make is to commit to working all 12 steps to the best of your ability with a sponsor (preferably that works a strong program) so that you can get a baseline effect of what results the steps have provided for you.

Only after you have done the work are you in a position to decide if they/12 step process is “for me” or not. Deciding prior to that is poor decision making because you do not have all the adequate information to make an informed decision.

The quality and speed of your recovery is also correlated to step work.

After you have worked the steps you should also explore all the other programs out there to compare them to the 12 step program. From this perspective you can start to incorporate other aspects or even change from 12 step to another method.

Once you get over a year (preferably longer like 3 years) you will really find the aspects of sobriety that work well/best for you. Only from that point after you have laid a solid foundation are you able to properly gauge when you feel off and need to add in (x,y,z) to your program.

Saying that AA/steps doesn’t work for me IS NOT the same thing as not liking AA/12 steps. Nobody likes detox but it works.

People who say meetings are pointless are people you should ignore because they are most often not in good recovery, think they are superior to others, think meetings are about only what they can personally gain from them, and have not worked the steps.

Meetings offer opportunities to be in an environment that supports how to live a sober lifestyle, ability to make friends with people who can actually help you, give you the ability to truly help someone else, and if you want to get down to hard core science-meetings have shown an increase in post-synaptic dopamine receptors in the CNS which allows for increased dopamine signaling/effectiveness in primates.

Is there a “cultish” feel to the meetings? Sure, but that’s because they all continually have the same messaging and the reality is that is what the newly sober brain needs most. Consistent environmental messaging over time will normalize the brain in a positive direction. The true beauty of the messaging consistency of AA/12 step over the many decades is that you can travel anywhere to hear the same message. This messaging has stood the test of time.

Best of luck to you, and to any and all who suffer from this brutal pathology.

You don’t have to believe in “god” to effectively work the steps.

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That was my preferred program. 20 minutes of meditation, readings, and then group stuff.

Meditation helped me more than anything. Being able to sit with your thoughts and emotions in silence is a powerful tool.

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Yeah one of the positives I got out of meetings was an older guy handed me a little back book, 24 hours a day.

Every morning I would read the excerpts from it to kind of give me a reset.

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ou don’t have to believe in “god” to effectively work the steps.

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No shite but after every meeting you pray and its a higher power. same thing.


And yes to some people their "god" is the program.


I wonder for the christians here, if they were doing muslim prayer and saying give yourself to allah, would you feel the same? Id say you wouldnt. You would prbably be turned off by it.

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. I don't need to read a book or go sit in a meeting for an hour to hear about war stories.

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Idk how many meetings you went to and maybe it was just that particular meeting but the vast majority of my meeting is spent talking about ways to live life in sobriety not detailing old stories of frick ups. The book doesn't even do a lot of that other than using others stories as examples for us so we can find similarities and ways out


Anyways I can say a little more about my AA experience that might help someone. When I first went to idk 3-4 meetings I remember thinking I kinda like this and since I'm a Christian most of the steps didn't seem like a very big deal for me to work but then some of them I was like well, I am NOT doing that.

Step 4 was one of those steps. I was planning on picking and choosing which ones I was willing to do. Now for whatever reason as time passed and I went to more meetings thankfully God helped my mentality change and I did completely all of the steps willingly and couldn't be more grateful for it

But I want to end this post the same way I try to always do when discussing this subject in a public setting: AA is NOT the only way to get sober. Many argue it's best and most effective way but I don't really even have an opinion on that and don't know. Maybe it is maybe it isn't but some people find other things that keep them sober and if so that's GREAT. Doesn't matter what it is as long as it leads to a sober and happy life bc that's the goal

Also going to throw in just going to meetings isn't working AA. Reading the book, working the steps, and working the program AND going to meetings is a "working AA". And if you try the same meeting a couple times and find yourself not liking the people
Or the vibe of the meeting try a diffferent meeting. Every meeting place has its own quirks and demographics, etc it's sort of like church. If you don't like a church you visit you generally don't say well that's it I'm not a Christian anymore, you just try a different one

Anyways I'm gonna try to shut up for a minute

It works well.


It’s not the only thing that can work well.


If you don’t want to complete the 12-steps, coming to terms with what’s being asked of you and why you won’t complete it can be important. And that introspection can be pretty damning or uplifting when you discover why. The guy who doesn’t like hearing stories of others and is court-ordered to remain sober and attend has a very different reason to despise it than the person who really needs to make amends and just doesn’t want to. And the person who doesn’t want to make amends thus doesn’t want to go through isn’t usually ready to say “goodbye” to the person that got them to where they are.



Again, the steps aren’t necessary to remain sober, alive, and healthy. And none of the above probably applies to you, specifically. And nothing is wrong with you if any of the above does apply, either. But being able to answer the question “why don’t I need the 12 steps?” And being comfortable (internally. Not necessarily to anyone else, but having a person (like a sponsor) generally doesn’t hurt) with the answer is a pretty important determinant in whether avoiding the steps may be right for you.

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I wonder for the christians here, if they were doing muslim prayer and saying give yourself to allah, would you feel the same? Id say you wouldnt. You would prbably be turned off by it.

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I get that I really do. The first time I read the 12 steps my first thought was "well that's Christianity"

The program is very obviously Christian based but tries its best to remain secular other than requiring you acknowledging some sort of "higher power" (which of course can be anything you want) which seemly equates to something or someone more powerful than you. The sun could be your higher power if that works for you

It's definitely Christian modeled but I do admire the programs efforts to make it where people with all beliefs can practice it

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Currently living in a sober facility now.

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I refused to do this after 2 failed stints of rehab. Finally the 3rd time, I went to a great Sober Living house and stayed there for a year and half until I was finally on solid ground with my sobriety.

Since then, my life improvement and contentment has soared. I’m happier now than I’ve ever been in my life. Consistently employed, great friends, healthy hobbies, and finally a non-toxic loving relationship that fully fills my heart with a beautiful Hispanic woman. Life is great for me now and 7.5 years sober!

I don’t often go to meetings anymore but am very active with my church and a social group here in Houston. AA and the Steps got me sober and I wouldn’t be here today if I had not totally surrendered.

Keep it up, OP. Life does get better, one day at a time. I have to always be viligent that one drop of alcohol and everything that I’ve worked for is destroyed. Don’t ever forget that you’re not like others that can drink with impunity. You have to KNOW that and fully accept it if you’re going to stand a chance.