re: 12 Steps vs other methods in recovery

Gnome, that TED TALK is 1000% correct.

Isolation and no sense of tribe can do
That to a person

100% correct. You have to focus on yourself first. That’s what I have done and it has worked.

quote:

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Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong | Johann Hari | TED

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I finally got a chance to watch. Here is my take for anyone wanting to get sober, and make it less miserable.

“The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection.”

This was said in the Ted talk and I agree.

For me, I need to be sober as well though.

So I belive I was born an alcoholic. Alcoholism runs in my family, as I've said, and I have a very highly addictive personality.

I partied when I was young, everyone does, right. Well wrong, but I thought so. So I took my drinking as just being normal and young. Then my sister died tragically, horribly. I never dealt with it. I drank it away. I ended up in a mental hospital because of it. Ding ding ding. That should have been a red flag. But the problem was I stopped taking my anti-depressants cold turkey. Yes, that was the immediate problem that day, but the alcohol was still the underlying issue.

Then my mom died, drank that away. Then 4 months later my dad died, drank that away. Then I got a remote job working from home right as we moved to TN, COVID hits, more isolation. Loneliness begins to set in even though you have people around you because you've made alcohol your best friend. But you have friends. And I do. I actually have fantastic friends, that's the problem. I picked alcohol. Its insanity.

So here is how and why AA works IF YOU WORK IT, and what I saw in my 90 meetings in 90 days. And why the opposite of addiction is connection.

I see the people in there that come to get their court paper signed, they get up and disrupt the meeting as soon as it is, grab their paper and leave and are getting nothing out of it, so you can tell they aren't ready to move on. Its sad.

You have the person who every 30-45 days picks up a new white chip, they sit there quietly with their head down. They attend, they listen, they get there right on time, sit in the back, leave right away. So they are accountable in admitting their relapse and are trying! But must be miserable.

You have the person who is there trying, been coming for years, skipping parts of the steps relapsing every 6 or so months but just won't work with a sponsor because he can do it by himself and is being the typical stubborn addict that we are.

But if YOU WORK IT and connect with people it isn't that bad. I don't say much in the meetings, but I listen and I connect. I go to a club where there are 5 meetings a day in person and 2-3 on Zoom as well. I went to them all and frequented the women group and the 7:30 am group, as well as the step group. So I have familiar faces and "know" people in each group. I have a list of 75 woman I could call right now and say I am HoustonChick86 from so and so Club and they'd talk to me. I went to an AA womans conference two weekends ago, there were a couple hundred woman, but I made a point to sit with the woman from my "home" group and talk to them. Play with Cupcake, one of the lady's service dog's who comes to the meetings.

I talk to one of the girls after the meetings who is also a Taylor Swift fan, not about alcohol but about her new album. I'm making a connection so I am comfortable when that day comes that I'm staring at a bottle of liquor I feel comfortable to call one of those people and ask for help instead of being embarrassed.

Eventually you may find someone you know. I've seen people from around town I know. Met a mom of one of my sons best friends from pre-school who lives down the road, which I hate for her, but is a nice connection to have.

I make a connection and talk openly so I'm not ashamed because while I find sobriety easy now, I know that won't aways be the case.

I tried to quit countless times on my own. Every alcoholic has. It may work if you do it by yourself. And if you have Kudos to you because it is fricking hard, I know I sure couldn't. It is much more pleasant with the connections I've made in AA. Yea, the steps aren't my favorite. I'm not necessarily looking forward to Step 4, but I'm going to do it.

And I'm going to keep going to AA. Because one thing I have learned, is every single person in the rooms of AA who has relapsed says they did when they stop going to meetings because they thought they could handle it, then the isolation set back in and the disease took back over. My sponsor was sober 28 years before she relapsed.

I figured if I could put 6-7 days a week into drinking, I can put 3 hours a week into meetings.

Good luck my fellow sober friends.

3 months, 28 days or 120 days for me.

"One Day At A Time"