re: Involuntary Singleness/Childlessness/Loneliness

You made a mistake but it’s not too late. I have friends having kids at nearly 50.

Find a girl and get her pregnant, you can figure the rest out later. Heck the girl is probably wanting the same as you but can’t say it. Many lifelong marriages started this way.

I know: tldr

Even though my life may have been quite different from yours I think I can identify a bit with what you have said. I saw all of my friends (and my syblings) pair off and marry, move away, get involved with their own families, etc. As a single guy your social circle can dwindle through those years.

Can offer a few thoughts:

- at 38 your journey is not close to over. I always saw myself with a big family like the one in which I grew up, but didn't have a child until my mid-40s. Some of that was enjoying single dating life, being picky, looking for the perfect mate (and she wasn't, as we divorced but she did give me a great daughter). Because you are in your late 30s does not mean you are limited to women your age. Women in their 20s will marry guys in their 40s.

- it sounds as though you are ready and open to evaluating a wider range of potential mates now. The problem you have is meeting enough of them to have any choice. You enjoy travel, festivals and other activities. Pursue those interests in ways that may include a new group of acquaintances. For me it was recreational athletics and photography. Join a club, volunteer to do something that will let you meet others. Festival volunteer? Church? Even if you can't play volleyball, go watch and hang out. Say hello to people around you and chat, even with those with which you have no attraction. This includes other guys. They may think you are nice and introduce you to their female friends. Get out of your basement or man cave and do it.

- the pandemic/distancing thing has real effects on our mental health. I've felt it and do feel it. It has interrupted interactions with your present social circle and made developing new acquaintances more difficult. Consider talking with a mental health professional. They can help you develop and maintain your perspective more than I can, and it can at least be reassuring to know others are dealing with the same issues.

38 is not old. Try to meet a woman in her child-bearing years who is looking for a serious relationship. she might be an OT5 on looks, but she’s the right one if she will bring you a lifetime of happiness. If that doesn’t pan out, you could always meet someone closer to you in age and eventually pursue the adoption route. Good luck.

All the good women are already taken so your marriage options will be

1. Ugly chick with good personality
2. Recently divorced chick with kids and baggage
3. Party skank that’s been run through and realizes her birthing years are almost gone and she wants a family

A buddy of mine met a forty-year-old track coach that was a virgin. She's fit and cool as hell. They have now been married for two years.

I’m 39, divorced with a 5 year old girl, for the time being; I’ll concentrate on her and myself.

I always knew I’d be a great dad and am thankful. I really don’t have a desire to really get married again or even date.

Our society has now been shaped to promote what you’re experiencing

And yes you’re still young mate

quote:

---

even if I were to find a woman that I loved and would marry we're probably talking about 41 or 42 before we would be having kids.

---

Just date younger women. 27-30 is the age you're looking for. A single, childless 38 year old with a savings account is what they're looking for. Win-win.

quote:

---

thank God for what you have. Ask him to help you. You just might be surprised with what could happen

---

Thanks for sharing this.