re: This may be a big shot in the dark - Brett Anselmo

TD Thread from the day Bret died

I'm Bret's ex-girlfriend and mother of his now 11 (almost 12) year old son. When a family member told me about a recent TD thread about Bret today, I was so happy to know that even after almost 7 years, people are still asking and talking about him. Especially on TD because he loved it and all of the people on it so much.

I was very disappointed to see so many rude comments directed towards OP and his intentions. There was absolutely nothing insincere about OP's question and to assume he's trying to gossip is childish and unfounded. Who are any of you to make any assumption about someone you don't know? Grow up and do better.

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the frick is this

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Please allow me to explain. This is someone (OP) who is asking a question about a Baton Rouge native, former avid TD poster, former athlete, former coach, former friend to countless people around the BR area and far beyond, former son, brother, and father, who seemingly disappeared from the face of the earth with no warning or explanation. That's what this is.

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sounds like what you really want is the gossip relating to his death - hopefully, if someone knows, they will not share it here.

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I hate to burst your bubble, but I do know and I will be sharing. And just to be clear, OP wasn't trying to get in touch with his brother, he was just saying that he had lost touch with his brother, otherwise he would've asked him. Maybe if you had focused on his statement as much as you did on responding to it, you would've picked up on this.

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If you were anywhere close to friends with this guy, you would already know and not have to seek it here. You’re really a noisy little weasel and seeking gossip.

I know how he died and I don’t even know the guy very well. You should be ashamed for coming HERE to find out such a personal issue like a death. People loved this guy and don’t need to have this happen.

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Unnecessary rudeness. Some of his closest friends don't even know the full story of what happened. And, if you knew Bret, then you would know that he would be thrilled to know people are asking about him on TD.

Moving on...

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I went to school with his brother Brock. Brett passed away in 2014. Does anyone know what happened? He was so young.

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Bret was 40 when he died. He woke up with severe abdominal pain on the morning of September 29, 2014. I called EMS to transport him to the hospital. A few hours later he was taken into surgery. We were told he did well but would need to stay in ICU for a day. On the evening of September 30 we were told that he would need to stay in ICU for another day or two to monitor his kidneys and heart, but he would be fine and not to worry (go home and rest, even). Six hours later around 4:15 am on the morning of October 1, Bret went in to cardiac arrest. Life saving measures were performed for roughly 35 minutes until he was pronounced dead at 4:44am.

I hope that what I'm about to say will resonate with some of you. Perhaps it will motivate some of you to make that doctor appointment you've been putting off, or have that pain checked out. That's my only hope for writing all of this.

Bret began to have stomach pain about a year before his death. The pain was minimal and would come and go. It was recommended by his PCP that he schedule a colonoscopy, but at the time he didn't have insurance so he decided to save money before doing so. He had set his colonoscopy appointment for October 9, 2014, but he would never make it to that date. He was admitted to the hospital in mid-August of 2014 for a bowel perforation. It was decided during this time that he would have surgery to repair the perforation, however a few days before his surgery, his doctors diagnosed him with Crohn's disease and discharged him.

Shortly after his discharge Bret left for a week long vacation to Destin with his son and brother's family. He was very active, pain was minimal. September 26 he played volleyball games with his friends at Mangos. September 27 he took his son to his soccer game and a birthday party at a friends house. September 28 he took his son to another birthday party and the park. On the morning of September 29 he was admitted for the second and final time to the hospital.

After Bret's death I needed answers, for myself but mostly for our son. I took home a copy of Bret's medical records from both stays at the hospital. Here is what I found:

Bret had advanced Stage 3 Colon Cancer. The tumor was large and had spread rapidly to his lymph nodes, kidneys, and wrapped itself around his descending aorta. We did not know any of this until months after Bret's death. We also discovered after pathology was performed, that Bret had a genetic disorder called Lynch Syndrome.

"Lynch syndrome, also known as hereditary non-polyposis colorectal cancer (HNPCC), is the most common cause of hereditary colorectal (colon) cancer.

People with Lynch syndrome are more likely to get colorectal cancer and other cancers, and at a younger age (before 50)."

As far as what actually caused Bret's death, I still don't know 100%. After the surgery his kidneys were barely functioning. Its possible he went into septic shock. Multi-organ failure is listed on the hospital notes. All I know for sure is that family was sent home by the hospital staff, and at 4:00 he woke up with extreme abdominal pain, the code was called at 4:15, and TOD 4:44am. I arrived at ICU at 4:58am, along with his family and my mom.

To all the people on this board that didn't have the pleasure of knowing Bret, you would have fricking loved him. He was the kind of friend that was best man to many. Just a normal guy but so much bigger than I could ever explain. If you knew him, you know exactly what I mean.

The last five years of Bret's life were by far his favorite. He got to be the most incredible dad to the love of his life, our son Cohen. He was also the most amazing step-dad to my son, Lex.

The one thing I've really learned from all of this is what cancer looks like. So often we think cancer looks like a head with no hair or skin and bones. But in reality its just the opposite. Cancer looks like you and me. For Bret it looked like a volleyball game with friends, a vacation to Florida, a 5 day work week, hanging with friends on the weekend, practicing t-ball and soccer with his son.

We should have taken the stomach pain more seriously. We should have demanded they perform surgery during his first stay at the hospital. We should have all pitched in to make sure he got the colonoscopy sooner. We should have been there when he died. I have battled these "should haves" most days over the past 7 years. But no matter how many hours I've spent re-writing the events leading up that morning, I will never be able to go back and change them. The only thing I can do is offer this information to others so that their story may turn out different.

For anyone that would like to know more about Bret, here's his facebook:
Bret FB

And if you'd like to see his Tigerdroppings posts, here's the link for those as well:
TD Bobby Magee