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re: Does it get easier(losing a family member)?
Posted on 10/22/20 at 1:55 pm to fr33manator
Posted on 10/22/20 at 1:55 pm to fr33manator
I like this one.
quote:
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little-but not too long
And not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me-but let me go
For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone.
It's all part of the Master's plan
A step on the road to home
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
Miss me but let me go.
0
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:03 pm to fr33manator
quote:
Do you know the author?
Mary Elizabeth Frye
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:05 pm to sabes que
quote:
Does it get easier(losing a family member)?
The first year is the hardest...for the obvious reasons and maybe the not-so-obvious reasons.
I lost my dad about 10 years ago. I find that each year that goes by is a "lap" around the calendar, with the end of the lap being the anniversary of the day that he died.
The reason why is there are dates on the calendar that will be very hard that first time. Some of them are obvious, like his birthday, Father's Day, the day that he died, etc. and you can kinda see them coming.
The "not-so-obvious" dates are the ones that hit you like a ton of bricks because you don't think about them until they happen.
Examples: the first day of LSU football season, when you realize it will be the first season without him.
Or when the gun show comes around in November that you used to always go together...that you only really used to think about 1 day a year...and you realize you won't be doing that together.
Or maybe you used to watch Walking Dead together and when the new season starts, you then realize that he will be missing for that.
That first lap ends with the first anniversary of his death, which is a hard day.
The following laps get a little easier as time goes by because you are a little better equipped to handle them.
The hole in your heart never disappears, which is in itself the greatest tribute to the person that you lost.
The 2nd greatest tribute is to continue living life as that person would have wanted you to, and living to honor the type of person that they were. 10 years later, we all still tell stories about my dad and they always bring a smile instead of sadness.
Hang in there. It does get better.
This post was edited on 10/22/20 at 2:07 pm
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:09 pm to sabes que
I lost my father and my mother in 2 years. I was 27 when I lost my mother. I was way closer to my mother and it crushed me for me a long long time.
I had to redo my post. In my experience it you are going to remember the bad times at first. Then slowly you are going to remember all the good times you had with him and remember everything he taught you.
Hang in there buddy. I know it sucks and I have been through it. It only gets better. You will always think about him but the the memories and feelings get better and better.
I was not close to my father but i pray to my mother every night that I will see her again.
I had to redo my post. In my experience it you are going to remember the bad times at first. Then slowly you are going to remember all the good times you had with him and remember everything he taught you.
Hang in there buddy. I know it sucks and I have been through it. It only gets better. You will always think about him but the the memories and feelings get better and better.
I was not close to my father but i pray to my mother every night that I will see her again.
This post was edited on 10/22/20 at 2:15 pm
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:11 pm to LazloHollyfeld
Lost my little brother 7 years ago. The first 6 months were rough. Now I rarely think about it and if I do it's just talking about him in passing to my wife or parents.
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:16 pm to sabes que
I'll tell you this, no matter how much time you get with your parents, it is never enough.
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:22 pm to LSUGrad9295
quote:
Examples: the first day of LSU football season, when you realize it will be the first season without him.
My dad's brother and I were cleaning out my dad's house listening to the Alabama-Tennessee game on the intercom speakers throughout the house. Realizing that the 3 of us would have been at that game had he not died was a huge punch to the gut I wasn't prepared for
That was a great post by the way
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:24 pm to sabes que
It gets better over time but I recently had a "emotional moment" when I just wished to go to lunch with my Dad one time.
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:30 pm to sabes que
I'm sorry for your loss. My Dad just passed August 29th from cancer. His was very aggressive and he passed within 14 months of his diagnosis.
I am not "good" but when he was coherent and in full control of his faculties we had some deep and meaningful talks. He was superman to me. You never think anything can take your Dad, but cancer is so very ugly.
When he was at the end, he was @ 110 pounds (usually 180) and unable to walk. The last 3 days, he didn't know who anyone even was. The speed of deterioration is what made it harder to deal with.
You aren't alone. Lean on whatever friends or family that you have, and honor your Dad by being his living example. Talk about them often and don't be afraid to vent frustrations that remain. It's all a release and there truly are stages to go through. Carry on his wisdom and knowledge he taught you and write it down, or pass it on to your kids. That's part of how I am learning to deal.
I just said a prayer for you. I hope you find peace.
I am not "good" but when he was coherent and in full control of his faculties we had some deep and meaningful talks. He was superman to me. You never think anything can take your Dad, but cancer is so very ugly.
When he was at the end, he was @ 110 pounds (usually 180) and unable to walk. The last 3 days, he didn't know who anyone even was. The speed of deterioration is what made it harder to deal with.
You aren't alone. Lean on whatever friends or family that you have, and honor your Dad by being his living example. Talk about them often and don't be afraid to vent frustrations that remain. It's all a release and there truly are stages to go through. Carry on his wisdom and knowledge he taught you and write it down, or pass it on to your kids. That's part of how I am learning to deal.
I just said a prayer for you. I hope you find peace.
This post was edited on 10/22/20 at 2:33 pm
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:31 pm to sabes que
I lost my dad in January. Still doesn’t seem real bc it seems like at any moment we’ll talk again.
But also, I understand that death is a part of life and he didn’t want me moping around like a twat about it.
My way of coping is to not think about it and that strategy has been working.
But also, I understand that death is a part of life and he didn’t want me moping around like a twat about it.
My way of coping is to not think about it and that strategy has been working.
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:32 pm to sabes que
No, you just get used to it more everyday cause its a reality of the day.
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:32 pm to LSUGrad9295
Lately I’ve missed my dad bc I just got a job offer which is a big decision for me and normally I’d be talking to him about it.
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:35 pm to sabes que
For any adult, hopefully he/she gets over losing a parent, older sibling or even spouse. For a parent, likely most never get over losing a child.
Not that you don't miss your parent(s), but you need to realize such is the circle of life. That doesn't mean you love them any less, but you can't afford to let the loss of a parent weigh negatively on you. Grieve for a few weeks, then remember fondly.
Not that you don't miss your parent(s), but you need to realize such is the circle of life. That doesn't mean you love them any less, but you can't afford to let the loss of a parent weigh negatively on you. Grieve for a few weeks, then remember fondly.
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:36 pm to sabes que
quote:
Does it get better? I’m a few months in losing my dad, and to me it doesn’t feel any better.
June 12 was three years since I lost my Pops. We were really close, and those first few months it was like I was in a perpetual haze or fog. It was like I was just going through the motions. He was the best man I've known, and I made every effort I could to spend time with him, and he did the same for me.
As to whether or not it gets better. The loss will always hurt, but your focus on it will fade. What gets me, and I guess it is the same for most folks, is the random, every day stuff that brings his memory to the front of my mind. I don't have a problem with those, as they are almost fully positive and make me laugh or smile.
Bad days hung around off and on for a while, and then they became fewer in number. I still miss the hell out of him, though.
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:39 pm to MorbidTheClown
quote:
not sure if it get's "easier". Just that life tends distract you from it.
This^ Lost my dad in late May. I was there when he died and the 3 days up to that... brutal to have gone through that experience but I was there and will never feel guilt of leaving something on the table.
I have to drive the causeway daily and usually when I have time to myself like this is when I think and even still once and a while can't believe he is actually gone.
The hole will never be filled in my life but being busy trying to keep work going and provide for my family during COVID does fill my mind up alot of the time.
It will get better but you will never be the same.
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:40 pm to The Mick
quote:
I find mine has turned into recalling good times, and also talking to him about random shite.
We've had some loss in our family over the past few years. We lost my uncle (Pop's older brother) a couple months ago. What tickles me, and brings them both up in my mind, is when I do something incredibly dumb when working on something or trying to do something that would have been nothing to them. I picture the both of them laughing at me and giving me hell over it.
I just smile at the thought, and go about fixing my dumb mistake.
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:45 pm to sabes que
I lost my dad when I was 14, almost 30 years ago. It gets easier, but doesn't ever go away completely. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him at least once.
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:45 pm to sabes que
Time.
I remember wondering how people could still watch TV or have TV. I remember flipping through the car radio thinking how dare songs play the world is over. I remember no form of anything could console me so why were others doing it.
I cried like a child. Especially parents they are hard to lose. No one on earth but your mother loves you unconditionally. so it feels awful.
Time does heal. You become numb and learn to live with it.
ETA: I think the world could end in nuclear war and there will still be a corny 70's song playing on a radio somewhere...
I remember wondering how people could still watch TV or have TV. I remember flipping through the car radio thinking how dare songs play the world is over. I remember no form of anything could console me so why were others doing it.
I cried like a child. Especially parents they are hard to lose. No one on earth but your mother loves you unconditionally. so it feels awful.
Time does heal. You become numb and learn to live with it.
ETA: I think the world could end in nuclear war and there will still be a corny 70's song playing on a radio somewhere...
This post was edited on 10/22/20 at 2:49 pm
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:50 pm to boxcarbarney
quote:
I lost my dad when I was 14, almost 30 years ago. It gets easier, but doesn't ever go away completely. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him at least once.
I have a good friend who lost her husband, and the father (a week past 40 years old) of her 12 year old son, a few years ago. I didn't know how he would take it, but he has truly blown me away. He has stepped up and does everything he can to help his mom (just her and him now). I'm proud of the little shite.
I feel like that is such a major time in child's life to lose a parent; like losing half of your world. Kids can go either way after something like that, and I've seen both happen.
Posted on 10/22/20 at 2:52 pm to sabes que
My mom has been gone for two years now.
I still reach for my phone to call her when I'm on a road trip.
She made me think of driving as a fun adventure.
It'll stay with me forever.
I still reach for my phone to call her when I'm on a road trip.
She made me think of driving as a fun adventure.
It'll stay with me forever.
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