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Is having a bad temper an affliction or simply a lack of self control?
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:10 am
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:10 am
You hear people say it all the time... “I’ve got a bad temper.” as if it’s some thing that has befallen them, and they’re going to turn into some hulk type creature that takes them over, and they can’t be responsible for what happens next.
Is this a thing, or is it just a lack of self control, or unwillingness to tame the instinct to lash out?
Is this a thing, or is it just a lack of self control, or unwillingness to tame the instinct to lash out?
28
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:10 am to Mike da Tigah
frick off
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:11 am to Cold Drink
You sir lack self control... or maybe it’s your temper
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:11 am to Mike da Tigah
Emotions and behavior are a lot more complicated than just “suck it up, buttercup”. A lot of variables feed into that from environment, emotional/physical trauma, etc.
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:12 am to Mike da Tigah
It’s based on height
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:13 am to Mike da Tigah
It takes time and patience to learn to manage any emotions successfully. Everyone is different when it comes to these things based on experience, genetics, etc...
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:15 am to Mike da Tigah
Mine was a reaction to trauma in my childhood. My older brother (4 years older) tormented me, beat the shite out of me on the Reg . I was 30 before I didn’t wear my anger as a badge of honor. And then I figured out the “ why” of it. He later apologized and became a great big bro (RIP).
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:17 am to Lsupimp
Anger is just a reaction to learning to deal with things. It’s life. The key is to get it out healthily, don’t bottle up, and forgive and forget. Forgiving seems easy, forgetting is the hard part.
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:18 am to Mike da Tigah
It's both.
Everyone has different levels of chemicals/hormones, and those have a significant impact on how the brain reacts to stimuli.
But with that said, how you react is up to you. It may require more self control for one person to stay calm in a given scenario than an other, but everyone is capable of doing so. Like I mentioned in another thread, outside of truly exceptional circumstances, people lose control because they think it's acceptable to do so. Once you acknowledge that such behavior isn't acceptable, and that everyone around you views it as unacceptable and thinks less of you for it, it becomes easier to take a few deep breaths and maintain control.
Everyone has different levels of chemicals/hormones, and those have a significant impact on how the brain reacts to stimuli.
But with that said, how you react is up to you. It may require more self control for one person to stay calm in a given scenario than an other, but everyone is capable of doing so. Like I mentioned in another thread, outside of truly exceptional circumstances, people lose control because they think it's acceptable to do so. Once you acknowledge that such behavior isn't acceptable, and that everyone around you views it as unacceptable and thinks less of you for it, it becomes easier to take a few deep breaths and maintain control.
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:19 am to Mike da Tigah
DMDD is a new category in DMD-5
https://www.healthyplace.com/parenting/dmdd/can-an-adult-be-diagnosed-with-dmdd
https://www.healthyplace.com/parenting/dmdd/can-an-adult-be-diagnosed-with-dmdd
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:21 am to Mike da Tigah
quote:
a lack of self control
and I say that as a person with a bad temper
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:22 am to Mike da Tigah
Learn how to drive and I'll stop flipping you off and cursing, frick.
And get out of the slow lane
And get out of the slow lane
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:22 am to Mike da Tigah
I mean, I don’t have a lot patience, and I get heated kind of easy. But, I have enough self control to not lash out like a child. It’s okay to get angry; it’s not okay to take it out on someone for petty things. I work with some people that are really frustrating to deal with. I have a reputation of not being very friendly. I have never gone out of my way to hurt someone or humiliate them.
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:23 am to Mike da Tigah
All I can tell you is don’t make me angry. You won’t like me when I’m angry.
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:29 am to MasterAbe1
I became very attached to my anger. I watered it like it was a garden, fed it, maintained it. All without having any self-awareness. And if I spotted a bully, I'd attack. I was in the service of my anger. But when I figured out the "why" it was like a light switch that sent me to perma-mellow.
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:32 am to Mike da Tigah
1st folks are wired differently. My wife and her immediate family aren’t bothered by anything. Honestly, some of the chilliest people I know. I have a “bad temper”, but a 43 can restrain myself for the most part. When I was young and dumb, I didn’t know how to restrain myself and would fly off the handle.
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:32 am to SouthEndzoneTiger
I’ve heard people talk about “flashing” or “seeing red” in some situations. It’s never happened to me, but it’s obvious that people naturally have different levels of tolerance for adverse situations.
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:38 am to Lsupimp
quote:
Mine was a reaction to trauma in my childhood. My older brother (4 years older) tormented me, beat the shite out of me on the Reg . I was 30 before I didn’t wear my anger as a badge of honor. And then I figured out the “ why” of it. He later apologized and became a great big bro (RIP).
I had two cousins that would go at it quite frequently. The older one was always jacking with the younger one, calling him names, belittling him in front of everyone, and he was of course bigger than him. I can remember this one instance where he was literally bouncing his head off the concrete until we broke it up. It was really bad, and eventually the younger brother got bigger than the older one and tuned the tables on him, but he always had anger he was dealing with for a long time afterward. The anger he was dealing with seriously affected much of his life afterward.
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:40 am to Paluka
quote:
It takes time and patience to learn to manage any emotions successfully. Everyone is different when it comes to these things based on experience, genetics, etc...
This. People tend to think of their responses to their emotions as fixed character traits. You can train yourself to diffuse your anger, be more patient, or pay attention longer just as easily as you train to lose weight or build muscle.
For some reason, however, our society seems to place little to no emphasis on achieving this sort of self control. People are “victims” of their emotions rather than the captains of the ship.
Posted on 7/11/19 at 11:41 am to Mike da Tigah
It's a lack of self control.
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