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Started By
Message
Proposal etiquette when SO isn't close with father
Posted on 7/24/16 at 12:54 am
Posted on 7/24/16 at 12:54 am
I don't intend on popping the question anytime soon. I don't even have a ring yet. But when I do I'm not sure how I should handle the part about asking her father for her hand at marriage.
My SO's dad cheated on her mom when she was younger, in her late middle school/early high school years. She hasn't had the same relationship with him since, but still chats with him from time to time. We've been together for close to a year and a half now and I've only seen her dad 3 times tops.
He seems like an alright guy when I've been around him but the relationship between them is definitely strained. Her sister came into some money recently from a lawsuit (he doesn't see her often either) and he asked for money. It's just an awkward situation. He and his girlfriend were invited to a party we had recently and despite knowing about it for a long time he bailed and did something else and my SO was pissed.
Meanwhile I get along great with her mom and step dad and though she may hate to refer to him as her step dad, he's a great guy and does a lot for her.
So, TLDR: Would you still approach the father about a proposal? Approach the mother about a proposal? Just say screw it and make them aware of the proposal without really asking "permission"?
INB4 don't be an idiot and get married
My SO's dad cheated on her mom when she was younger, in her late middle school/early high school years. She hasn't had the same relationship with him since, but still chats with him from time to time. We've been together for close to a year and a half now and I've only seen her dad 3 times tops.
He seems like an alright guy when I've been around him but the relationship between them is definitely strained. Her sister came into some money recently from a lawsuit (he doesn't see her often either) and he asked for money. It's just an awkward situation. He and his girlfriend were invited to a party we had recently and despite knowing about it for a long time he bailed and did something else and my SO was pissed.
Meanwhile I get along great with her mom and step dad and though she may hate to refer to him as her step dad, he's a great guy and does a lot for her.
So, TLDR: Would you still approach the father about a proposal? Approach the mother about a proposal? Just say screw it and make them aware of the proposal without really asking "permission"?
INB4 don't be an idiot and get married
48
Posted on 7/24/16 at 12:56 am to dualed
Ask him anyway, but also ask whoever the dominant male in her life is.
Uncle, brother, grandfather, etc....
Uncle, brother, grandfather, etc....
Posted on 7/24/16 at 12:56 am to dualed
Mrs. Gar doesn't have the world's greatest relationship with her dad. I asked what she wanted me to do and she said "get permission from my mother." So that's what I did.
ETA: obligatory.....PICS OF SO OR GTFO
ETA: obligatory.....PICS OF SO OR GTFO
This post was edited on 7/24/16 at 1:09 am
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:00 am to dualed
Gotta ask him. Although his approval or disapproval doesn't mean shite. It's the right thing to do.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:03 am to dualed
You're probably fine either way based on info provided. If dad was quasi important I'd say ask him anyway even they weren't close to keep that open but if he's a deadbeat and they aren't close I probably wouldn't worry about it.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:03 am to dualed
You should fart in his face and tell him you PIIHB
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:04 am to dualed
Maybe "inform" the dad of your intent, and sit down with mom and step-dad and ask them jointly. Tough situation, but understand that the only opinion that matters is your SO's. As long as she's happy, the opinion of everyone else in the family doesn't make a shite.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:07 am to dualed
PIIHB
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:10 am to dualed
Its 2016, you don't need anyone's permission to get married
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:18 am to dualed
quote:
don't be an idiot and get married
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:29 am to dualed
Ask the mom, let your woman Or both of y'all tell the biological dad if she wants. Definitely don't need to ask him if he isn't going to walk her down the aisle
This post was edited on 7/24/16 at 1:30 am
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:34 am to dualed
I think mother for sure. If step father really has been around for her and if she thinks of him as her 'father' then definitely him too.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:55 am to dualed
If you think it's important to your SO that you talk to him...yeah, gotta ask, but if she doesn't give a shite what he thinks, then just ask her mom and stepdad.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 1:57 am to dualed
Ask for his blessing, not his permission. He says no tell him to get f'd
Posted on 7/24/16 at 2:00 am to dualed
Also just wanted to say on congrats on getting the girl with daddy issues. I'll bet she's a freak in bed.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 2:09 am to dualed
Talk to both... Mother first in this instance
Posted on 7/24/16 at 2:55 am to dualed
Asking is fricking stupid in my opinion unless it's important to her. My rule of thumb is if I can kick your arse I don't ask for shite. So I don't ask for shite very often. It's about asserting your dominance and it worked fine for me.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 3:51 am to dualed
Its 2016!!
Posted on 7/24/16 at 3:53 am to dualed
Sounds like daddy issues. You should NOT make this proposal.
Posted on 7/24/16 at 4:27 am to dualed
Hate to tell you this,but if the girl doesn't have a close relationship with her Biological Dad,and he isn't a piece of crap,you might have genetic crazy on your hands.
You need to look into things. What the Mom told the daughter isn't always true. Investigate the spin.Things aren't always as they seem.
You need to look into things. What the Mom told the daughter isn't always true. Investigate the spin.Things aren't always as they seem.
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