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Started By
Message
With all the talk about elderly parents I implore you to be by their side when they pass
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:17 am
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:17 am
My father recently passed. I stayed by his side for a few days straight in the hospital while we waited for nature to take its course. Despite being significantly sedated and nearly completely incapacitated he "came to" literally at the end, opened his eyes and mouthed some words that I will chose to believe were "I love You" and then passed.
It was a painful but amazing gift to be there in that moment and look him in the eye and kiss him and hug him and tell him I Love You and it's ok to go be in peace.
PS...The Lunch Thread title will probably be a real bummer today.
It was a painful but amazing gift to be there in that moment and look him in the eye and kiss him and hug him and tell him I Love You and it's ok to go be in peace.
PS...The Lunch Thread title will probably be a real bummer today.
19
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:31 am to sidewalkside
As we speak, I’m sitting in a hospital room with my 93 year old mother waiting for the dr to come around. A “get it done” kind of woman is coming up on the end of her road of life. She’s spiritually prepared. I owe her way more than I can pay and now my opportunities are slipping away.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:39 am to sidewalkside
I sat with my mom from 26 December to 4 Jan, in her room. It was long and painful vigil, and she didn't have many moments of consciousness. But I was able to hold her as she took her last breaths and help her let go. Such a tough time, but I'm so very thankful I had it.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:40 am to sidewalkside
my dad passed a couple weekends ago.
I live 14 hours from my parents, and drove overnight on a Thursday, got there around 7am on the Friday.
He was out of it, but did smile when my mom told him I was there.
Spent most of the Friday there.
I sat in his room at the home and "watched" Game 1 of the Super Regionals with him.
He passed around 6am the next morning.
I wasn't in the room when it happened, but I'll forever be thankful for that I got to spend those last 2 days with him. Even though he was not awake for any of it.
I live 14 hours from my parents, and drove overnight on a Thursday, got there around 7am on the Friday.
He was out of it, but did smile when my mom told him I was there.
Spent most of the Friday there.
I sat in his room at the home and "watched" Game 1 of the Super Regionals with him.
He passed around 6am the next morning.
I wasn't in the room when it happened, but I'll forever be thankful for that I got to spend those last 2 days with him. Even though he was not awake for any of it.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:43 am to Nutriaitch
Experts claim hearing is the last thing to go. Final words can be such a wonderful gift.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:51 am to slacker130
quote:
she didn't have many moments of consciousness. But I was able to hold her as she took her last breaths and help her let go
Many times this is the most important part. Be there and let them know "it is okay to go". Even if you think they may not be able to hear you, they need to know from their loved ones that it's okay to go.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:54 am to duckblind56
We moved my mom to a facility close to us about 2 years before she passed away. I visited her every morning before work. Best decision we ever made.
I have so many memories of my time with her and in the end she only had to spend less than 12 hours in hospice care before she died.
I have so many memories of my time with her and in the end she only had to spend less than 12 hours in hospice care before she died.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:56 am to sidewalkside
I agree with this. Lost both my parents about a year apart. Dad with Dementia. Unfortunately I was not there when he passed. I had been with him all day and he passed 2 hours after I left. Not sure he was aware I was there or not but I do wish I would have been there when he went to Glory. I was holding my Moms hand and talking to her when she passed. She was surrounded by her family, and we were singing her favorite hymns. Call your parents and stay in touch.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:59 am to JoBo68
My grandmother just passed this morning. One of the sweetest women to walk the earth, she will be dearly missed by many. Sending prayers for all you dealing with similar things this morning.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 9:06 am to sidewalkside
20 years ago, my dad knew he wasn't walking out of the hospital and I, along with my brother and mother, sat with him for 3 weeks.
Since he was going deaf, I would lie next to him on the bed and talk. Dad was really an old school country guy and rarely expressed himself good or bad but we talked about life (and death) more in those few days than we'd ever talked before. We told each other how much we cared and and how much love for each other we had over and over again.
During that time, I went through the whole grief and loss process to the point that when he drew his last breath, there was no grief left. Sure there was sadness.
The odd thing was, I had no compulsion to cry. I just needed to be silent.
Since he was going deaf, I would lie next to him on the bed and talk. Dad was really an old school country guy and rarely expressed himself good or bad but we talked about life (and death) more in those few days than we'd ever talked before. We told each other how much we cared and and how much love for each other we had over and over again.
During that time, I went through the whole grief and loss process to the point that when he drew his last breath, there was no grief left. Sure there was sadness.
The odd thing was, I had no compulsion to cry. I just needed to be silent.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 9:17 am to sidewalkside
My dad passed from dementia a bit over 2 years ago. I was lucky enough to be by his side when he passed, but I had just gotten there minutes before. He was in a coma-like state for over a week in hospice care. I passed my daughter on the way in (she had been visiting him and I was just getting there from work). I'm so glad I was there with my mom when he passed. It's something I will never forget and I'm tearing up just typing this.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 9:33 am to sidewalkside
I have been by my Dad's bedside three times over the last 2 years thinking he was at the end. Just this past Friday I was doing it and he came out of a deep slumber, looked me in the eye and said "why the hell are you still here, ain't you supposed to be at work?" and went back to sleep. I saw him yesterday for about 20 minutes and he wanted to know how UGA was going to do this fall. He is in the hospital with complications from cancer treatment and pnuemonia....and is interested in UGA football and me shirking my responsibilities LOL....just a daddy being a daddy. I hope its a long time from now but if I have anyway of doing so I fully intend to be there when it does happen.
If he beats cancer this time it will be the third time....not to mention a stroke...the tough old bastard is liable to be by at MY bedside when I take my last breath LOL....
If he beats cancer this time it will be the third time....not to mention a stroke...the tough old bastard is liable to be by at MY bedside when I take my last breath LOL....
Posted on 6/26/25 at 9:38 am to sidewalkside
I have lost both of my parents, and only my mom was what you would call "elderly".
Dad had a massive heart attack in 2005 at 63. Died alone in the front seat of his car in a parking lot. Parents were in Metairie at the time, I was in Prairieville. I got a phone call telling me what had happened. It eats me up to this day that we weren't with him when he passed.
Mom died in 2020 at 78 in Mandeville during the Covid shite. She had been hospitalized for a few months, but I couldn't visit because of Covid regs. Only one family member was allowed to visit. Since my sister was in Mandeville, she was the one. Again, I got the phone call.
If you can possibly be there, do it. For them and yourself.
Dad had a massive heart attack in 2005 at 63. Died alone in the front seat of his car in a parking lot. Parents were in Metairie at the time, I was in Prairieville. I got a phone call telling me what had happened. It eats me up to this day that we weren't with him when he passed.
Mom died in 2020 at 78 in Mandeville during the Covid shite. She had been hospitalized for a few months, but I couldn't visit because of Covid regs. Only one family member was allowed to visit. Since my sister was in Mandeville, she was the one. Again, I got the phone call.
If you can possibly be there, do it. For them and yourself.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 9:39 am to Bayou
quote:
Experts claim hearing is the last thing to go. Final words can be such a wonderful gift.
My dad, at least, is capable of hearing even in a coma. He can't hear a word when he is feeling well but last year he was in a nursing home in a coma (induced) and I was there one day with some other family members and we were discussing his condition. I said something about him being competent, when not in a coma, to make his own decisions. Just in passing, did not think anything about it. About 2 days later he came out of it and when I went to see him he was madder than hell...told my wife to get me out of the damned room. When he calmed down he told her...I was out of the damned room....that I had told the doctors that he was incompetent LOL. We finally convinced him, somewhat, that he had misunderstood. He is still not fully convinced....
Posted on 6/26/25 at 10:06 am to sidewalkside
My grandmother had seen out a lot of people and she gave me some incredibly valuable advice. Tell them it's OK to pass and that everything is taken care of.
After a long day of his body fighting to stay alive I advised my wife to tell her dad it was OK to go. Within 60 seconds he peacefully passed.
After a long day of his body fighting to stay alive I advised my wife to tell her dad it was OK to go. Within 60 seconds he peacefully passed.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 10:15 am to sidewalkside
we all stayed with my dad for 10 days and never left his side. He was in some pain for most of that time but at the very end he opened his eyes and smiled really big. he was finally free
Posted on 6/26/25 at 10:52 am to sidewalkside
Probably one of my biggest regrets not being able to be with my mom in her final days. Covid and the hospital prevented me from it. I feel like I let her down not being there. It’s coming up on 5 years and I think about it almost daily.
Getting closer to the end with my mother in law with Alzheimer’s and I keep telling my wife that it’s hard seeing her like this but don’t miss a chance to talk to her even though she might not know who you are because one day you will wish you could.
Getting closer to the end with my mother in law with Alzheimer’s and I keep telling my wife that it’s hard seeing her like this but don’t miss a chance to talk to her even though she might not know who you are because one day you will wish you could.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 10:53 am to sidewalkside
We put my Dad in a nursing home and when I left I basically said goodbye. He lasted only 10 days. I had to get back to work. When my Mom passed six weeks later I was on the way to visit her. I was able to kiss her on the forehead before the coroner got there.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 10:55 am to sidewalkside
I was lucky enough to be with both my parents, and my brother when they died. It's terribly painful, but also very redeeming.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 11:01 am to sidewalkside
My mother passed away on Tuesday. Just two days ago.
She suffered from undiagnosed mental illness and drug addiction and had been estranged from me, my siblings and what is left of our fractured dysfunctional family for years.
After a lifetime of suffering her abuse, I had had zero contact with her the past 29 years and figured I would just find out about her death after the fact. I got the call that she was in ICU last week. After that call my siblings and I provided her with the care and compassion she did not deserve but felt like the right thing to do. She was not alone nor suffering when she died.
Despite the years of abuse and neglect she inflicted upon us we are all glad that we got to say good-bye. It is a lot to deal with emotionally. The death of an abusive parent is a whole different level of grief.
She suffered from undiagnosed mental illness and drug addiction and had been estranged from me, my siblings and what is left of our fractured dysfunctional family for years.
After a lifetime of suffering her abuse, I had had zero contact with her the past 29 years and figured I would just find out about her death after the fact. I got the call that she was in ICU last week. After that call my siblings and I provided her with the care and compassion she did not deserve but felt like the right thing to do. She was not alone nor suffering when she died.
Despite the years of abuse and neglect she inflicted upon us we are all glad that we got to say good-bye. It is a lot to deal with emotionally. The death of an abusive parent is a whole different level of grief.
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