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Started By
Message
Being able to say goodbye before someone you love dies (Updated, my mom has passed away)
Posted on 6/26/25 at 6:34 am
Posted on 6/26/25 at 6:34 am
I feel like this is a tremendous gift, not only for yourself (and in this case, me), but also the other person as well. Being able to say what you want to say and how much that person means to you is truly something special, and I only wish everyone had a chance to do this.
My mom has advanced dementia. Just over 2 weeks ago, right after I left visiting with her, her body started shutting down. I brought her dog over to visit with her. She didn't know it was her dog, but she did say, "My boy." It's hard to know which time frame she was in (she has long had Aphasia, aka "word salad", but she also made a "clicking" sound as well, and I was fortunate enough to capture it all on video, something that I will forever hold onto.
Her journey - our journey (for everyone impacted by this) has been long. It has had its more share of downs than ups, and we lost a sibling in the process (she's alive, but she showed her true colors and what she is all about).
As I sit and wait for my mom to take her final breath, I am at peace. For now. My mom's mind has left this world a long time ago, and now it's time for her body and soul to go rejoin it -- free of any pain, suffering, and remorse or regret --- and be with the ones she loved and who loved her who preceded her in death.
Dementia is cruel to those who don't have the disease but love someone who does. In some ways, it protects the actual person who has it from ever knowing that they have anything that is terminal, and that actually is a blessing.
My advice to anyone who has a strained relationship with their parents. Put whatever it is aside, and namely that can be our pride.and just go be with them. For whatever time they have left here on this earth. Unless there was physical, psychological, emotional, chemical, or sexual harm, chances are whatever the crux of the issue has been, is not worth it. The best we can do is forgive and find our peace.
Updated ...
My mom passed away Thursday afternoon, one day before her birthday (which is today). She's at peace now, fully healed and her mind restored.
Mom, go rest high on that mountain!
My mom has advanced dementia. Just over 2 weeks ago, right after I left visiting with her, her body started shutting down. I brought her dog over to visit with her. She didn't know it was her dog, but she did say, "My boy." It's hard to know which time frame she was in (she has long had Aphasia, aka "word salad", but she also made a "clicking" sound as well, and I was fortunate enough to capture it all on video, something that I will forever hold onto.
Her journey - our journey (for everyone impacted by this) has been long. It has had its more share of downs than ups, and we lost a sibling in the process (she's alive, but she showed her true colors and what she is all about).
As I sit and wait for my mom to take her final breath, I am at peace. For now. My mom's mind has left this world a long time ago, and now it's time for her body and soul to go rejoin it -- free of any pain, suffering, and remorse or regret --- and be with the ones she loved and who loved her who preceded her in death.
Dementia is cruel to those who don't have the disease but love someone who does. In some ways, it protects the actual person who has it from ever knowing that they have anything that is terminal, and that actually is a blessing.
My advice to anyone who has a strained relationship with their parents. Put whatever it is aside, and namely that can be our pride.and just go be with them. For whatever time they have left here on this earth. Unless there was physical, psychological, emotional, chemical, or sexual harm, chances are whatever the crux of the issue has been, is not worth it. The best we can do is forgive and find our peace.
Updated ...
My mom passed away Thursday afternoon, one day before her birthday (which is today). She's at peace now, fully healed and her mind restored.
Mom, go rest high on that mountain!
This post was edited on 6/27/25 at 6:40 am
38
Posted on 6/26/25 at 6:39 am to Will Cover
Going through the same with my mom now. I would not wish this disease on anyone. I found some solace in your words. Thanks
Posted on 6/26/25 at 6:41 am to Will Cover
Agreed
Posted on 6/26/25 at 6:42 am to TigerDude80
quote:
Going through the same with my mom now. I would not wish this disease on anyone. I found some solace in your words. Thanks
I am sorry. There are plenty of great resources out there, if you haven't explored them, and I am happy to share them with you.
And if you haven't journaled, start. If you haven't seen a therapist, start. And if you don't have a support group, start.
I wish you and your loved one the very best.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 6:42 am to Will Cover
I'm sorry you're going through this- what a blessing for your mother to have you (and the pooch) by her side and loving her on this last journey.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 6:42 am to Will Cover
Completely agree but it hurts so damn much at the time
Posted on 6/26/25 at 6:43 am to Will Cover
My mom was in hospice when she passed away. We knew she probably wouldn't make it through the night so me, my wife and my dad stayed in the room with her. She went peacefully in her sleep. I'm thankful I was with her and now she's resting in the shadow of the Almighty. That was almost 8 years ago and I think about Mom every day.
Damn OP hit me hard this morning..
Damn OP hit me hard this morning..
Posted on 6/26/25 at 6:43 am to Will Cover
quote:
My mom has advanced dementia.
I'm so sorry. I am actually trying not to cry right now as this brings up my final time with my mom. I miss her dearly.
I'll be sending you positive vibes and praying for you. Please post here for support.
My brother wasn't able to 'forgive' my mom however she passed quickly. He has been having a hard time with that.
This post was edited on 6/26/25 at 6:45 am
Posted on 6/26/25 at 6:44 am to mylsuhat
quote:
Completely agree but it hurts so damn much at the time
I agree. Pain is the price we have to pay when we love something or someone so much.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 6:44 am to SallysHuman
You are correct. I went through a similar situation with my mother 12 years ago. I had words with her and glad for it.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 6:45 am to Will Cover
quote:
I am sorry. There are plenty of great resources out there, if you haven't explored them, and I am happy to share them with you.
And if you haven't journaled, start. If you haven't seen a therapist, start. And if you don't have a support group, start.
I wish you and your loved one the very best.
Will do. Thanks
Posted on 6/26/25 at 6:47 am to Will Cover
My dad was sick a few years ago, going through chemo for a second round with cancer, and while he was not deathly ill when I saw him…he wasn’t in great shape.
My whole family went down for the FSU/LSU game in New Orleans and got to spend some really good time with him. We came home the Monday after the game and got the call that next Sunday that he had passed that morning due to a heart attack.
Forever grateful we had that time with him the weekend before.
My whole family went down for the FSU/LSU game in New Orleans and got to spend some really good time with him. We came home the Monday after the game and got the call that next Sunday that he had passed that morning due to a heart attack.
Forever grateful we had that time with him the weekend before.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 6:49 am to dupergreenie
quote:
I'll be sending you positive vibes and praying for you.
quote:
My brother wasn't able to 'forgive' my mom however she passed quickly. He has been having a hard time with that.
I imagine that is very difficult. He didn't get the closure he wanted (or needed) based on his timeline. Unfortunately, and you probably already know this, the only way he will ever be able to reconcile this now is in his own mind - his own thoughts, and his own prayers.
I am aware that many men don't think counseling or therapy works. And if you have the wrong counselor or therapist for yourself, that would be correct. But keep going until you find one that clicks with you, and you click with them. Having an unbiased, trained professional, who can help share a different perspective of things, has been one of life's greatest blessings for me. I've grown in so many areas that I had no idea I needed to grow in, and I genuinely like the person I have become today. I'm more open today to sharing my thoughts, feelings, and emotions with the people I care about, and it leaves me with peace knowing that if I passed tomorrow unexpectedly, those people will have known how much I cared about them.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 6:59 am to Will Cover
my dad just decided to stop his chemo treatments because its beating him up physically, can't eat, weighs next to nothing, and we all agreed it was his choice, and the best option.
now we wait. going to obviously spend as much time with him as i can. he's the reason I'm a lunatic LSU fan. he never said "love you" to me more than 2 times in my 53 years of existence but i knew he did because he was at every single sporting event i ever played in. he's said it 3-4 times in the last weeks, so its like he sees the light.
praying for your family.
now we wait. going to obviously spend as much time with him as i can. he's the reason I'm a lunatic LSU fan. he never said "love you" to me more than 2 times in my 53 years of existence but i knew he did because he was at every single sporting event i ever played in. he's said it 3-4 times in the last weeks, so its like he sees the light.
praying for your family.
This post was edited on 6/26/25 at 7:19 am
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:04 am to Will Cover
God bless your little mom. I know it's hard. In 2001, our matriarch began Hospice at her home (for severe rheumatoid arthritis believe it or not). I lived with her in the family home they built in 1976. My siblings both live in Denver so, well, baby brother was on 24/7 duty.
LSS, in Feb 2023, I changed her overnight garments and pull-up around 1:00a. Gave her a chocolate ice cream sandwich she asked for and after, just wiped her mouth. Simple kiss and said adios, I'm going to bed. No biggie.
Roused up at 4:30a and took a pee pee. Checked on her and she was so beyond peacefully gone. Curled up in a fetal. No more horrendous pain. All I could do was cry like a baby holding her cold hand and weirdly, smile and talk to her about our lives. It was surreal. I finally called Hospice to facilitate it all after about an hour with her.
I guess I'm sharing to say some things you can't say goodbye to in perfect timing, Will. Say hello and goodbye daily in a way you're happy and satisfied with. When it comes, it comes. Just let her know you love her. You'll both remember it forever in your own personal, sweet way.
LSS, in Feb 2023, I changed her overnight garments and pull-up around 1:00a. Gave her a chocolate ice cream sandwich she asked for and after, just wiped her mouth. Simple kiss and said adios, I'm going to bed. No biggie.
Roused up at 4:30a and took a pee pee. Checked on her and she was so beyond peacefully gone. Curled up in a fetal. No more horrendous pain. All I could do was cry like a baby holding her cold hand and weirdly, smile and talk to her about our lives. It was surreal. I finally called Hospice to facilitate it all after about an hour with her.
I guess I'm sharing to say some things you can't say goodbye to in perfect timing, Will. Say hello and goodbye daily in a way you're happy and satisfied with. When it comes, it comes. Just let her know you love her. You'll both remember it forever in your own personal, sweet way.
This post was edited on 6/26/25 at 7:06 am
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:46 am to Will Cover
Man you've been through some stuff lately. Hope you get through all this and can get back some normalcy soon. My own father is 79 and I'm on pins and needles for the day we see those first signs of serious decline.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:48 am to Will Cover
Beautifully written, Will.
Lost my mom to dementia in 2004, and had similar experiences. I guess, if anything, it prepared me for what was to come with my wives
I loved her, though we had a strained relationship at times. Still, as her primary caregiver, it was a blessing.
Thank you, and everyone, for sharing your journeys.
Lost my mom to dementia in 2004, and had similar experiences. I guess, if anything, it prepared me for what was to come with my wives
I loved her, though we had a strained relationship at times. Still, as her primary caregiver, it was a blessing.
Thank you, and everyone, for sharing your journeys.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:50 am to Will Cover
quote:
a tremendous gift
It is. It makes grieving a bit easier IMO because you are able to get some closure, especially if your loved one is older. It still is very hard to face the reality of mortality, staring you right in the eyes.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:54 am to Will Cover
Gob bless and peace be with those and their families dealing with this
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:01 am to Will Cover
My grandfather had Alzheimer’s and my mom was always afraid that she’d end up with it.
Before she passed she would go days without sleeping. She had a strong desire to talk thru the nights. We took turns staying with her. She finally fell asleep 3 days before she passed and never woke up. I held her hand and played her songs and talked to her anyway.
Before she passed she would go days without sleeping. She had a strong desire to talk thru the nights. We took turns staying with her. She finally fell asleep 3 days before she passed and never woke up. I held her hand and played her songs and talked to her anyway.
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