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What's your favorite Mitch Hedberg joke?
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:29 pm
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:29 pm
Totally random. Was listening to Mitch Hedberg this morning taking kids to school, and even though I have heard everything 100x, some of them still make me crack up. RIP.
This one is one of my favorites:
“I think Pringles' original intention was to make tennis balls... But on the day the rubber was supposed to show up, a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said "frick it, cut em up!"”
This one is one of my favorites:
“I think Pringles' original intention was to make tennis balls... But on the day the rubber was supposed to show up, a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said "frick it, cut em up!"”
47
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:31 pm to concrete_tiger
“I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too.”
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:31 pm to concrete_tiger
Man I used to love Mitch Hedberg jokes.
I still do, but I used to too.
I still do, but I used to too.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:31 pm to concrete_tiger
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:32 pm to concrete_tiger
I want to try fried beans. Maybe they are just as good as re fried beans and we are wasting time with adding a step.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:32 pm to concrete_tiger
(no message)
This post was edited on 3/27/24 at 1:34 pm
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:33 pm to concrete_tiger
"I don't have a girlfriend, but I do know a woman that'd be mad at me for saying that."
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:33 pm to concrete_tiger
I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn't know what the hell they were
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:35 pm to concrete_tiger
My two favorite:
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read."
"You know when you go to a restaurant on the weekends, it's busy, so they start a waiting list? They start calling out names, they say "Dufrane, party of two. Table ready for Dufrane, party of two." And if no one answers, they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry - that's a double whammy. We need help. "Bush, SEARCH party of three! You can eat once you find the Dufranes."
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read."
"You know when you go to a restaurant on the weekends, it's busy, so they start a waiting list? They start calling out names, they say "Dufrane, party of two. Table ready for Dufrane, party of two." And if no one answers, they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry - that's a double whammy. We need help. "Bush, SEARCH party of three! You can eat once you find the Dufranes."
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:35 pm to concrete_tiger
Paraphrasing: I like rice. It’s the best thing to eat when I want a thousand of something.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:35 pm to concrete_tiger
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, but I said "No... but I want a regular banana later, so yeah."
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:37 pm to concrete_tiger
I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:39 pm to concrete_tiger
“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut; I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut.”
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:47 pm to concrete_tiger
What do Mitch Hedberg and Curt Cobain have in common: They both DEAD.....
Oh wait, you mean joke that HE told....nevermind....
Oh wait, you mean joke that HE told....nevermind....
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:49 pm to concrete_tiger
1: my sister wanted to be an actress, but now she lives in a trailer, so it’s like she’s always waiting to be called to set.
2: I have on some New Balance shoes, but they’re real old, so watch out.
2: I have on some New Balance shoes, but they’re real old, so watch out.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:51 pm to concrete_tiger
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:55 pm to concrete_tiger
I got an ant farm when I was a kid. Man, them dudes can’t grow shite!
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:55 pm to concrete_tiger
"I haven't slept for 10 days...because that would be too long"
Posted on 3/27/24 at 1:59 pm to concrete_tiger
One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said "Here's a picture of me when I was younger."
Every picture is of you when you were younger.
"Here's a picture of me when I'm older."
"You son-of-a-bitch! How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera... What's it look like? "
Every picture is of you when you were younger.
"Here's a picture of me when I'm older."
"You son-of-a-bitch! How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera... What's it look like? "
Posted on 3/27/24 at 2:08 pm to concrete_tiger
The bit about the duck and the bread from Subway is pretty good.
Then it would on to mention about friends that a duck might have. “It might have a beaver in tow.”
Then the beaver’s house isn’t “lake-on, it’s lake-in.”
quote:
Once I saw a duck walking down the street so I went into Subway and ordered two pieces of bread, and they informed me that they could not do that, like there was some speical rule at Subway that two pieces of bread weren't allowed to touch. So the woman asked me what I wanted on the sandwich and I said I do not care, it is for a duck, and she was like oh then it's free. I was not aware that ducks eat for free at Subway. It's like give me a chicken fajita sub, but don't worry about ringing it up, it is for a duck.
Then it would on to mention about friends that a duck might have. “It might have a beaver in tow.”
Then the beaver’s house isn’t “lake-on, it’s lake-in.”
This post was edited on 3/27/24 at 2:09 pm
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