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Started By
Message
How to deal with an alcoholic family member?
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:40 pm
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:40 pm
First I’ll say dear Facebook, I know this is maybe not cool to ask here but I’m getting to the end of my rope.
I have a parent who is a severe alcoholic, and massively depressed. Reasons for getting to this point are too much to type.
It’s exhausting worrying about them all the time, and none of my attempts to help them seem to work. My whole family is trying their best to support but it’s not working. Multiple attempts to try to get into rehab or psychiatric help, AA, etc. but just refused to try anything.
Any recovering alcoholics have any advice, family members with alcoholics maybe?
Thanks - this just sucks really hard. Especially with the holidays.
I have a parent who is a severe alcoholic, and massively depressed. Reasons for getting to this point are too much to type.
It’s exhausting worrying about them all the time, and none of my attempts to help them seem to work. My whole family is trying their best to support but it’s not working. Multiple attempts to try to get into rehab or psychiatric help, AA, etc. but just refused to try anything.
Any recovering alcoholics have any advice, family members with alcoholics maybe?
Thanks - this just sucks really hard. Especially with the holidays.
31
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:43 pm to Yaboylsu63
quote:
but just refused to try anything.
Sounds like they don't want help. They can't be helped if they don't want it. I know it sounds harsh, just know that it's not your fault.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:43 pm to Yaboylsu63
Check out Al Anon
LINK
Support group for family members of Alcoholics
There is probably a group that meets near where you live
LINK
Support group for family members of Alcoholics
There is probably a group that meets near where you live
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:45 pm to Yaboylsu63
quote:
but just refused to try anything.
Cut contact. It seems harsh, but this person has to be able to see how their actions negatively affect others. I'm not saying never see or talk to them, but seriously scale back your involvement in their life until they show a willingness to get sober.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:46 pm to texn
quote:
Al Anon
And ACOA Both will be of a great help. Make at least 6 meetings
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:46 pm to Yaboylsu63
You probably wont like this short answer but the person has to hit their bottom and want to quit. Any other attempts are pretty much futile. I'll definitely say a prayer for your family though. I've got 3.5 years now and it took me 47 years to get here.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:46 pm to Yaboylsu63
They have to want it.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:47 pm to Yaboylsu63
Unfortunately you can't help someone who's not wanting help. It never works.
Addiction sucks man. Sorry.
Plenty of options when they are ready.
Addiction sucks man. Sorry.
Plenty of options when they are ready.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:47 pm to SCLibertarian
quote:
Cut contact. It seems harsh, but this person has to be able to see how their actions negatively affect others. I'm not saying never see or talk to them, but seriously scale back your involvement in their life until they show a willingness to get sober.
This is good advice..tough love.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:49 pm to WaterLink
quote:
Sounds like they don't want help. They can't be helped if they don't want it. I know it sounds harsh, just know that it's not your fault.
Yep. I have a close family member land in the hospital for days from this. Finally after about 2 days we were able to convince her to seek some help. This was, of course, just a ruse for us to leave her alone. She was clean for about 4 months and then fell off the wagon and is worse than ever, convinced that she has no problem.
Not much you can do.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:50 pm to Yaboylsu63
quote:
refused to try anything.
Then there's literally nothing you can do for them. There absolutely has to be willingness on the alcoholic's part in order for anything to change. I guess just pray for them. Alcoholism revolves around self centerdness and your parent either doesn't realize or doesn't care how their alcoholism effects others. I was like a tornado going through people's lives fricking shite up and then on to the next town to frick shite up there. As a result most of my family doesn't even talk to me anymore because of my alcoholism even though I've been sober for well over a year.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:51 pm to SCLibertarian
quote:I had to do this years ago because their involvement in my life just caused me to be anxious and upset.
Cut contact. It seems harsh, but this person has to be able to see how their actions negatively affect others. I'm not saying never see or talk to them, but seriously scale back your involvement in their life until they show a willingness to get sober.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:52 pm to Yaboylsu63
All you can do is tell them you love them and will be there for them when they decide they need help. But you need to distance yourself as much as possible for your mental health.
Watched my mother go through this with her brother. They tried for years, he was in and out of treatment, jail, lost his family and job. One day they got word he had checked himself into a treatment facility and he never drank another drop. As long as they are alive there is always hope. Peace to you and your family.
Watched my mother go through this with her brother. They tried for years, he was in and out of treatment, jail, lost his family and job. One day they got word he had checked himself into a treatment facility and he never drank another drop. As long as they are alive there is always hope. Peace to you and your family.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:53 pm to Yaboylsu63
Talk it over with them with a beer
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:54 pm to little billy
quote:
I was like a tornado going through people's lives fricking shite up and then on to the next town to frick shite up there. As a result most of my family doesn't even talk to me anymore because of my alcoholism even though I've been sober for well over a year.
Yeah, some people don’t like AA, like me. But it wasn’t until one meeting a met a guy that reminded me of me, yet he was a broken old man who lost his family. I didn’t want to go down that road.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:56 pm to Tbonepatron
quote:
Yep. I have a close family member land in the hospital for days from this. Finally after about 2 days we were able to convince her to seek some help. This was, of course, just a ruse for us to leave her alone. She was clean for about 4 months and then fell off the wagon and is worse than ever, convinced that she has no problem.
This seems almost word for word my situation lol
Posted on 12/9/21 at 12:59 pm to Yaboylsu63
It’s so hard. I don’t wish this upon my worst enemy. I’m sorry.
This post was edited on 12/9/21 at 12:59 pm
Posted on 12/9/21 at 1:01 pm to dgnx6
Thankfully I have a very good relationship with my daughter which is what matters the most to me by far. I know if I start drinking and using again that will go away too. My mom and my brothers don't really talk to me any more though.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 1:06 pm to Yaboylsu63
quote:I'm 1009 days sober, and in my experience in the rooms of AA it's rare for a person to sober up that doesn't want to sober up. One of the best things that can happen for those that don't want it is for their family to sit them down and have a mini-intervention, explain to them what their actions are doing to the family. Sometimes just being able to open their eyes in the littlest amount can eventually lead to them changing. It's tough.
AA
Posted on 12/9/21 at 1:10 pm to Yaboylsu63
(no message)
This post was edited on 12/9/21 at 2:38 pm
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