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Posted by
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Pfizer Promises Omicron Vaccine Will Be Ready In Time For Their Q1 Earnings Report
Posted by RebelExpress38
on 1/15/22 at 8:41 am
6
3
quote:
NEW YORK—During their monthly shareholder meeting, Pfizer announced that an updated vaccine for the Omicron variant will be ready in time for their Q1 Earnings Report.
"We are committed to the longevity of this company," said Pfizer CEO, Derrick Pfizer. "As they say in the vaccine business, 'if you're not jabbing, you're lagging.' We understand that endless new vaccines are critical to our bottom line ever since I bought that giant space yacht."
Pfizer stockholder Bill Gates expressed some confusion that the vaccine wasn't already available. "I know I'm not a doctor, but I sort of invented Windows. It can't be that hard."
Pfizer's leadership remained firm. "We need to maintain our rigorous testing standards, but we should still be in good shape if we skip animal testing and go straight to children. You can't make an omelet unless you break a few eggs, I always say."
"I invented that phrase," interjected Gates.
According to sources, a loud audible sigh could be heard over the audio feed. "Can we hear from some stockholders who aren't Bill Gates?" asked Derrick Pfizer.
Several members of Congress proceeded to ask if adding some masks would make the vaccine work better.
Members of the Pfizer board, speaking remotely from quarantine yachts off the coast of New York, were in agreement that masks were not the same thing as vaccines and you can't mix the two, but they'd ask officials in China to be sure. "We get most of our ideas from them," said one board member.
LINK
This post was edited on 1/15 at 8:42 am
Posted by PillageUrVillage 
on 1/15/22 at 8:46 am to RebelExpress38
on 1/15/22 at 8:46 am to RebelExpress38quote:
Pfizer announced that an updated vaccine for the Omicron variant will be ready in time for their Q1 Earnings Report.
This is stupid. Omicron will have burned through the population and be in the rear view mirror by that point.
ETA: The focus needs to be on treatments. Vaccines will not be able to keep up with this thing. It's a pointless strategy and they know it.
This post was edited on 1/15 at 8:49 am
Posted by dgnx6 
on 1/15/22 at 8:49 am to RebelExpress38
on 1/15/22 at 8:49 am to RebelExpress38I’ll say this, if they had a vaccine for the common cold that actually worked, I’d take it.
But this won’t.
But this won’t.
Posted by Champagne on 1/15/22 at 8:49 am to PillageUrVillage
Maybe we should get the Fizer Booster shot every two months just to be safe.
We should ask China for advice on how to prepare for their next Biological Weapon Attack on the USA. China is our friend.
We should ask China for advice on how to prepare for their next Biological Weapon Attack on the USA. China is our friend.
Posted by LSURoss 
on 1/15/22 at 8:52 am to RebelExpress38
on 1/15/22 at 8:52 am to RebelExpress38Didnt click link. That's a bee article, yeah?
Posted by SG_Geaux on 1/15/22 at 8:53 am to RebelExpress38
on 1/15/22 at 8:53 am to RebelExpress38Ya'll realize this is the BabylonBee right?
Posted by PillageUrVillage on 1/15/22 at 8:54 am to LSURoss
on 1/15/22 at 8:54 am to LSURossquote:
That's a bee article, yeah?
Dammit. I fell for it.
Posted by Jack Bauers HnK on 1/15/22 at 8:56 am to RebelExpress38
on 1/15/22 at 8:56 am to RebelExpress38We need some stats on bee articles and how many serious replies they get as a measure of their effectiveness.
Posted by PillageUrVillage on 1/15/22 at 8:57 am to Jack Bauers HnK
on 1/15/22 at 8:57 am to Jack Bauers HnKThe news is so ridiculous these days you can't really spot satire that easily anymore.
quote:
Ya'll realize this is the BabylonBee right?
I did not, but that’s because Pfizer did say they were working on one for omicron.
quote:
Pfizer CEO says omicron vaccine will be ready in March
Cnbc
quote:
Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla said an omicron vaccine will be ready in March, and the company is already manufacturing doses. Bourla said the goal is to produce a vaccine that is much better at preventing infection from omicron.
And march is Q1
This post was edited on 1/15 at 9:02 am
Posted by Oates Mustache 
on 1/15/22 at 9:28 am to RebelExpress38
on 1/15/22 at 9:28 am to RebelExpress38fricking Bee got me. I was like, whether you got the OG vaccine or not, you're a fricking moron if you get the vaccine for a head cold.
Posted by TOSOV on 1/15/22 at 11:24 am to RebelExpress38
Ok...so can't tell if this is an attempt by the NY Post at BB satire....but if not looks like Pfizer is going to come around full circle with pushing their little blue pill even more...
NY Post
NY Post
Posted by Bass Tiger 
on 1/15/22 at 11:28 am to PillageUrVillage
on 1/15/22 at 11:28 am to PillageUrVillagequote:
Pfizer announced that an updated vaccine for the Omicron variant will be ready in time for their Q1 Earnings Report.
This is stupid. Omicron will have burned through the population and be in the rear view mirror by that point.
ETA: The focus needs to be on treatments. Vaccines will not be able to keep up with this thing. It's a pointless strategy and they know it.
Intelligent people know this^^^^ fortunately for Pfizer they're messaging to the authoritarian regime, investors and brain dead and gullible Americans......that would give them and audience of over 150 million Americans.
Posted by fjlee90 on 1/15/22 at 11:29 am to RebelExpress38
on 1/15/22 at 11:29 am to RebelExpress38Thank the lord. We need a vaccine for the common cold.
Posted by Nguyener 
on 1/15/22 at 11:30 am to RebelExpress38
on 1/15/22 at 11:30 am to RebelExpress38quote:
Members of the Pfizer board, speaking remotely from quarantine yachts off the coast of New York, were in agreement that masks were not the same thing as vaccines and you can't mix the two, but they'd ask officials in China to be sure. "We get most of our ideas from them," said one board member
The Bee can’t miss
Posted by omegaman66 on 1/15/22 at 11:44 am to RebelExpress38
You can keep it. The spke will be fading at that point and the will look like heroes as their new mRNA shot will get the credit regardless if it works or not.
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