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TigerVespamon
LSU Fan
Member since Dec 2010
4037 posts

New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
Image: https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-9473-1.jpg


CUPERTINO, CA—During the much-anticipated unveiling of the new iPhone 13 at this year's Apple Event, CEO Tim Cook revealed that the newest model and iOS will ask users to confirm vaccination status before unlocking the screen.

"We here at Apple are doing our part to keep you safe by keeping our sacred products out of the hands of the filthy unvaccinated," said Cook as he paced the stage. "That's why starting with the iPhone 13, all Apple users will be required to scan their vaccination card in order to unlock their iPhones."

The crowd stood to their feet and cheered at the brilliant idea.

"I think it's a brilliant idea," said Apple fan Mavis Bimbasquelch as he walked out of the event. "If those stupid dumb anti-vaxxers don't want to get vaccinated, they can build their own computer company. Also, I hope they die."

Tim Cook confirmed he has software engineers and Chinese Uyghur slaves working overtime to ensure the "vax-verify" technology is ready for primetime.

"We vow to bar the unvaccinated from connecting with the world," said Cook. "It's the moral thing to do."

Apple


St Augustine
Jacksonville Fan
The Pauper of the Surf
Member since Mar 2006
57792 posts

re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
I was 65 percent sure it was the Bee.


bayoudude
LSU Fan
Houma
Member since Dec 2007
22049 posts

re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
So wait this is not the bee?

Almost had me but sadly this is a glimpse into our future
This post was edited on 9/15 at 2:48 pm


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81
Plx1776
Member since Oct 2017
11090 posts

re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
Lol. In a few months that bb article may be proven right.


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130
Deuces
LSU Fan
The bottom
Member since Nov 2011
9379 posts

re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
The IPhone 14 will ask you for your penis size.


Bulldogblitz
Mississippi St. Fan
In my house
Member since Dec 2018
21549 posts

re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
quote:

The IPhone 14 will ask you for your penis size.


The smaller it is, the easier to open.


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21
Crimson1st
Alabama Fan
Birmingham, AL
Member since Nov 2010
14014 posts

re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
quote:

We here at Apple are doing our part to keep you safe by keeping our sacred products out of the hands of the filthy unvaccinated," said Cook as he paced the stage. "That's why starting with the iPhone 13, all Apple users will be required to scan their vaccination card in order to unlock their iPhones."

The crowd stood to their feet and cheered at the brilliant idea.

"I think it's a brilliant idea," said Apple fan Mavis Bimbasquelch as he walked out of the event. "If those stupid dumb anti-vaxxers don't want to get vaccinated, they can build their own computer company. Also, I hope they die."


That’s exactly how they are coming at the unvaxxed in reality….treating us a dirty and subhuman. This has been done before with other groups and it didn’t end well!


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30
Alt26
LSU Fan
Member since Mar 2010
20584 posts

re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
quote:

I was 65 percent sure it was the Bee


Reality is making satire is becoming more and more difficult to write


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30
novabill
USA Fan
Crossville, TN
Member since Sep 2005
9725 posts

re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
I had to check and make sure it was the bee.

That is sad when satire is not obvious.


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20
SouthEndzoneTiger
LSU Fan
Louisiana
Member since Mar 2008
8768 posts

re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
quote:

I was 65 percent sure it was the Bee.


There used to be a time you could just read the headline and tell. The curiosity was in the details of the article. Now, I have to actually hover on the link to confirm. I was 50-50 on this one. Clown world.


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10
LSUnation78
US Space Force Fan
Northshore
Member since Aug 2012
7406 posts

re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
I was only 51%


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Chimlim
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge, LA
Member since Jul 2005
16514 posts

re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
Sad that I was relieved when I saw it was the Bee.


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10
Dawg7730
USA Fan
Member since Mar 2021
352 posts

re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
Thanks for giving them more ideas.


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00
Chad504boy
Member since Feb 2005
149810 posts

re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
iHealth App


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Mid Iowa Tiger
Iowa State Fan
Undisclosed Secure Location
Member since Feb 2008
12632 posts

re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
You had me until the comment about it being the moral thing to do. People at Apple leadership have no morals.



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10
themunch
LSU Fan
Deep in the Heart of Dixie
Member since Jan 2007
53085 posts

re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
Tyrannical bitches and their cheering toads.


Apple sucks


It is only a matter of when.
This post was edited on 9/15 at 4:04 pm


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