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Posted by
Message
New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock Screen
Posted by TigerVespamon
on 9/15/21 at 2:45 pm
19
4
CUPERTINO, CA—During the much-anticipated unveiling of the new iPhone 13 at this year's Apple Event, CEO Tim Cook revealed that the newest model and iOS will ask users to confirm vaccination status before unlocking the screen.
"We here at Apple are doing our part to keep you safe by keeping our sacred products out of the hands of the filthy unvaccinated," said Cook as he paced the stage. "That's why starting with the iPhone 13, all Apple users will be required to scan their vaccination card in order to unlock their iPhones."
The crowd stood to their feet and cheered at the brilliant idea.
"I think it's a brilliant idea," said Apple fan Mavis Bimbasquelch as he walked out of the event. "If those stupid dumb anti-vaxxers don't want to get vaccinated, they can build their own computer company. Also, I hope they die."
Tim Cook confirmed he has software engineers and Chinese Uyghur slaves working overtime to ensure the "vax-verify" technology is ready for primetime.
"We vow to bar the unvaccinated from connecting with the world," said Cook. "It's the moral thing to do."
Apple
re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock ScreenPosted by St Augustine on 9/15/21 at 2:46 pm to TigerVespamon
I was 65 percent sure it was the Bee. 
re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock ScreenPosted by bayoudude on 9/15/21 at 2:46 pm to TigerVespamon
on 9/15/21 at 2:46 pm to TigerVespamonSo wait this is not the bee?
Almost had me but sadly this is a glimpse into our future
Almost had me but sadly this is a glimpse into our future
This post was edited on 9/15 at 2:48 pm
re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock ScreenPosted by Plx1776 on 9/15/21 at 2:47 pm to TigerVespamon
Lol. In a few months that bb article may be proven right.
re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock ScreenPosted by Deuces on 9/15/21 at 2:47 pm to TigerVespamon
on 9/15/21 at 2:47 pm to TigerVespamonThe IPhone 14 will ask you for your penis size.
re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock ScreenPosted by Bulldogblitz 
on 9/15/21 at 2:48 pm to Deuces
on 9/15/21 at 2:48 pm to Deucesquote:
The IPhone 14 will ask you for your penis size.
The smaller it is, the easier to open.
re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock ScreenPosted by Crimson1st 
on 9/15/21 at 2:51 pm to TigerVespamon
on 9/15/21 at 2:51 pm to TigerVespamonquote:
We here at Apple are doing our part to keep you safe by keeping our sacred products out of the hands of the filthy unvaccinated," said Cook as he paced the stage. "That's why starting with the iPhone 13, all Apple users will be required to scan their vaccination card in order to unlock their iPhones."
The crowd stood to their feet and cheered at the brilliant idea.
"I think it's a brilliant idea," said Apple fan Mavis Bimbasquelch as he walked out of the event. "If those stupid dumb anti-vaxxers don't want to get vaccinated, they can build their own computer company. Also, I hope they die."
That’s exactly how they are coming at the unvaxxed in reality….treating us a dirty and subhuman. This has been done before with other groups and it didn’t end well!
re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock ScreenPosted by Alt26 
on 9/15/21 at 2:51 pm to St Augustine
on 9/15/21 at 2:51 pm to St Augustinequote:
I was 65 percent sure it was the Bee
Reality is making satire is becoming more and more difficult to write
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re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock ScreenPosted by novabill on 9/15/21 at 2:52 pm to TigerVespamon
on 9/15/21 at 2:52 pm to TigerVespamonI had to check and make sure it was the bee.
That is sad when satire is not obvious.
That is sad when satire is not obvious.
re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock ScreenPosted by SouthEndzoneTiger on 9/15/21 at 2:54 pm to St Augustine
on 9/15/21 at 2:54 pm to St Augustinequote:
I was 65 percent sure it was the Bee.
There used to be a time you could just read the headline and tell. The curiosity was in the details of the article. Now, I have to actually hover on the link to confirm. I was 50-50 on this one. Clown world.
re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock ScreenPosted by LSUnation78 
on 9/15/21 at 2:56 pm to St Augustine
on 9/15/21 at 2:56 pm to St AugustineI was only 51%
re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock ScreenPosted by Chimlim on 9/15/21 at 3:01 pm to TigerVespamon
on 9/15/21 at 3:01 pm to TigerVespamonSad that I was relieved when I saw it was the Bee.
re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock ScreenPosted by Dawg7730 on 9/15/21 at 3:40 pm to TigerVespamon
on 9/15/21 at 3:40 pm to TigerVespamonThanks for giving them more ideas.
re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock ScreenPosted by Chad504boy on 9/15/21 at 3:50 pm to TigerVespamon
iHealth App
re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock ScreenPosted by Mid Iowa Tiger 
on 9/15/21 at 3:56 pm to TigerVespamon
on 9/15/21 at 3:56 pm to TigerVespamonYou had me until the comment about it being the moral thing to do. People at Apple leadership have no morals.
re: New IPhone 13 Will Require Vaccination To Unlock ScreenPosted by themunch on 9/15/21 at 4:03 pm to TigerVespamon
on 9/15/21 at 4:03 pm to TigerVespamonTyrannical bitches and their cheering toads.
Apple sucks
It is only a matter of when.
Apple sucks
It is only a matter of when.
This post was edited on 9/15 at 4:04 pm
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