- My Forums
- Tiger Rant
- LSU Recruiting
- SEC Rant
- Saints Talk
- Pelicans Talk
- More Sports Board
- Fantasy Sports
- Golf Board
- Soccer Board
- O-T Lounge
- Tech Board
- Home/Garden Board
- Outdoor Board
- Health/Fitness Board
- Movie/TV Board
- Book Board
- Music Board
- Political Talk
- Money Talk
- Fark Board
- Gaming Board
- Travel Board
- Food/Drink Board
- Ticket Exchange
- TD Help Board
Customize My Forums- View All Forums
- Show Left Links
- Topic Sort Options
- Trending Topics
- Recent Topics
- Active Topics
Started By
Message
re: Wrote this about grief a few nights ago and wanted to share.
Posted on 2/13/23 at 7:45 pm to ColdTurkey
Posted on 2/13/23 at 7:45 pm to ColdTurkey
Hey friend. Been taking a little break because I've been dealing with working through some grief of my own and handling it rather poorly.
Saw your post and wanted to let you know my heart goes out to you. I know all too well how it destroys you to lose a sibling before their time, not to mention losing a job right there in the same period. I've been in your shoes and don't wish it on my worst enemy. It's coming up on a decade for me and I still have days I'm absolutely wrecked over it.
The whole "time heals all wounds" trope...nope.
Some wounds never heal. They are a bit like a grave. They leave a hole in your soul. Sure, it might grow over with grass and not be as easy for others to see, but let me tell you, you still feel it, you still know it's there. And you may take a step and find yourself stuck in it, wallowing and stuck in that mud. You might feel so many forms of the grief surging back up. Anger, at circumstances, at yourself, at others. You might blame yourself. You might feel guilt, for the "could'ves"...for being cold.
And that's okay. Whatever you feel...at least you are still feeling. Don't deny yourself the grief, don't feel bad about having it. A loss like that, coupled with other losses, will leave permanent scars. You don't need to hide them. There is no shame in them. Try to deal with them in a healthy manner if you can. Reach out to friends and family, it's not a burden to bear alone and trying to can send you into dangerous spirals. I've been in one lately, trying to battle it on my own.
Don't do that. Take it from me. There's no salvation in the bottom of a bottle. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones. Trying to handle the weight alone can crush you. Reach out, you'll find it's easier to share the burden and the pain.
Brother, I'm here if you ever want to talk. I've walked (and still walk) that road. You aren't on it alone. If words help you process the pain, use them. Use music. Use art. Use exercise. Whatever constructive ways you can find to help you, lean on those. You aren't ever alone. Even when it feels like the night is darkest, the dawn is coming. Always.
Peace. E-hug.
ETA:
By the way
This is beautiful. Keep writing. Keep finding ways to get that grief out. She hears you. I promise.
ETA2:you like TOOL I'm thinking?
Saw your post and wanted to let you know my heart goes out to you. I know all too well how it destroys you to lose a sibling before their time, not to mention losing a job right there in the same period. I've been in your shoes and don't wish it on my worst enemy. It's coming up on a decade for me and I still have days I'm absolutely wrecked over it.
The whole "time heals all wounds" trope...nope.
Some wounds never heal. They are a bit like a grave. They leave a hole in your soul. Sure, it might grow over with grass and not be as easy for others to see, but let me tell you, you still feel it, you still know it's there. And you may take a step and find yourself stuck in it, wallowing and stuck in that mud. You might feel so many forms of the grief surging back up. Anger, at circumstances, at yourself, at others. You might blame yourself. You might feel guilt, for the "could'ves"...for being cold.
And that's okay. Whatever you feel...at least you are still feeling. Don't deny yourself the grief, don't feel bad about having it. A loss like that, coupled with other losses, will leave permanent scars. You don't need to hide them. There is no shame in them. Try to deal with them in a healthy manner if you can. Reach out to friends and family, it's not a burden to bear alone and trying to can send you into dangerous spirals. I've been in one lately, trying to battle it on my own.
Don't do that. Take it from me. There's no salvation in the bottom of a bottle. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones. Trying to handle the weight alone can crush you. Reach out, you'll find it's easier to share the burden and the pain.
Brother, I'm here if you ever want to talk. I've walked (and still walk) that road. You aren't on it alone. If words help you process the pain, use them. Use music. Use art. Use exercise. Whatever constructive ways you can find to help you, lean on those. You aren't ever alone. Even when it feels like the night is darkest, the dawn is coming. Always.
Peace. E-hug.
ETA:
By the way
quote:
Grief is not linear. It has no rulebook, no guidelines, no halfway point and a million sub-levels, twists and turns. It is a stalking butler with a searing gaze waiting as you put your guard down one happy weekend. Grief becomes your constant, it knows the void you've been given to carry must be filled. Grief is the price we pay for Love. The countless beautiful moments of Life with that Love. Breathe out, for she would if she could. Grief's strength is determined by the contents of the Heart it will envelope and ensnare. Ugly. Vile. Exhausting. Frustrating. Good grief.
This is beautiful. Keep writing. Keep finding ways to get that grief out. She hears you. I promise.
ETA2:you like TOOL I'm thinking?
This post was edited on 2/13/23 at 10:02 pm
2
Posted on 2/13/23 at 7:46 pm to ColdTurkey
(no message)
This post was edited on 2/13/23 at 7:48 pm
Posted on 2/13/23 at 8:03 pm to fr33manator
Hey fr33! It’s good to hear from you man! Beisboll season right around the corner baw :)
Thank you so much for this. I needed it more than you know. The other day I kept thinking man I’m forgetting something important, what the hell is it?! Couldn’t think of it. Then I thought oh, my sister is dead. That’s it. And I was a blobbering mess driving down the highway from then on.
No one knows what to say dude. They say I’m sorry for your loss like it’s a fricking automated preset. I’m halfway waiting on someone to say happy holidays or some shite. I go from sad to angry at the drop of a hat.
quote:
Some wounds never heal. They are a bit like a grave. They leave a hole in your soul. Sure, it might grow over with grass and not be as easy for others to see, but let me tell you, you still feel it, you still know it's there. And you may take a step and find yourself stuck in it, wallowing and stuck in that mud. You might feel so many forms of the grief surging back up. Anger, at circumstances, at yourself, at others. You might blame yourself. You might feel guilt, for the "could'ves"...for being cold.
Thank you so much for this. I needed it more than you know. The other day I kept thinking man I’m forgetting something important, what the hell is it?! Couldn’t think of it. Then I thought oh, my sister is dead. That’s it. And I was a blobbering mess driving down the highway from then on.
quote:
Reach out to friends and family, it's not a burden to bear alone and trying to can send you into dangerous spirals.
No one knows what to say dude. They say I’m sorry for your loss like it’s a fricking automated preset. I’m halfway waiting on someone to say happy holidays or some shite. I go from sad to angry at the drop of a hat.
Posted on 2/13/23 at 8:17 pm to ColdTurkey
quote:
The other day I kept thinking man I’m forgetting something important, what the hell is it?! Couldn’t think of it. Then I thought oh, my sister is dead. That’s it. And I was a blobbering mess driving down the highway from then on.
My advice on this particular situation...pull the frick over. Let the wave of grief pass over you, accept it. Hell, greet it. Cry, weep, bawl your eyes out. I've done it plenty. But it's hard to see the road between sobs. Dangerous too. You don't need another tragedy right now. Let it come and go and then pull yourself together before you continue to drive. call a friend, whatever.
quote:
No one knows what to say dude. They say I’m sorry for your loss like it’s a fricking automated preset.
God don't you hate that shite? No duh! The only one worse is "all part of god's plan." I wanted to deck an old lady when she told me that after. It's not.
But they don't know what to say because there is no real thing TO say so they are reduced to meaningless platitudes.
quote:
I’m halfway waiting on someone to say happy holidays or some shite. I go from sad to angry at the drop of a hat.
Don't blame you, in the least. I did (sometimes still do.) shite Man, if you need to rant, cuss, whatever...I'm here for you bro. I won't judge you, because I've been there. Sometimes you need to just explode at somebody...I get it. If you want to email I'll give you my number.
<<<<@gmail
Wake my arse up at 3 am. I don't give a shite. Pain and grief isn't convenient. It doesn't keep business hours.
But talk with someone. Someone that's been there. Don't bottle it up. Don't push it down or feel ashamed or like you can't talk.
Reach out, let it out, get it out. Because sometimes it feels good to puke.
I'm hurting for you, know that. You aren't alone in this. Ever.
This post was edited on 2/13/23 at 8:52 pm
Posted on 2/13/23 at 8:19 pm to LazloHollyfeld
That is incredibly descriptive and accurate. I think its always important for us to remember that our family is in the water with us, enduring the waves. and we all likely have friends that are willing, at a moments notice, to join us in the water if needed. Joining together to handle the pummeling waves can provide some sense of security. You're never alone in your grief. I try to always be look out for fellow travelers in the surf.
Posted on 2/13/23 at 8:19 pm to fr33manator
quote:
Been taking a little break because I've been dealing with working through some grief of my own and handling it rather poorly.
Just want to reiterate that while I give you shite on here, that’s literally what it is…just talking shite on a message board for fun. Hope you’re okay.
Posted on 2/13/23 at 8:22 pm to ColdTurkey
I was in the deepest grief of my life from May-December. The term I use is "break down to break through". There are a lot of days where there are tears, but there is usually a DAY of DAYS where your world collapses in some kind of overwrought, hyperventilating mental collapse/acceptance.
Mine happened over about 8 hours during a home workday and my assistant, son, friend from third grade & Venezuelan pseudo-son literally held me and hugged me as I sobbed uncontrollably. It was a full surrender to reality. After that I was much better. The dam just had to break. It was as much physical as emotional, just waves of grief and pain being released. Of course, a month and a half later I can now see the beauty in it, of the people who loved me and how they devoted themselves to my care in my time of need. So, I'll take that memory and cherish it.
Also, IQ-71. Functionally illiterate. Lead-based paint chip eater. Dropped repeatedly on head. Don't care had sex.
Mine happened over about 8 hours during a home workday and my assistant, son, friend from third grade & Venezuelan pseudo-son literally held me and hugged me as I sobbed uncontrollably. It was a full surrender to reality. After that I was much better. The dam just had to break. It was as much physical as emotional, just waves of grief and pain being released. Of course, a month and a half later I can now see the beauty in it, of the people who loved me and how they devoted themselves to my care in my time of need. So, I'll take that memory and cherish it.
Also, IQ-71. Functionally illiterate. Lead-based paint chip eater. Dropped repeatedly on head. Don't care had sex.
Posted on 2/13/23 at 8:23 pm to CocomoLSU
I'm better now and, while my little bitch arse was butthurt at it during the moment, you were right. Need to choose the right time and right audience for shite.
And I was in an awful spiral processing it in not good ways. Distracting myself with stupid shite. Thanks for the Church.
I'm a little better now. Did a good thing today and I think I'm climbing out that pit I was in. Gonna try to find better outlets for my particular way of...well you get it. No hard feelings.
And I was in an awful spiral processing it in not good ways. Distracting myself with stupid shite. Thanks for the Church.
I'm a little better now. Did a good thing today and I think I'm climbing out that pit I was in. Gonna try to find better outlets for my particular way of...well you get it. No hard feelings.
Posted on 2/13/23 at 8:26 pm to ColdTurkey
Well written.
Prayers for you and your family during this difficult time.
Prayers for you and your family during this difficult time.
Posted on 2/13/23 at 8:33 pm to ColdTurkey
It seems simple compared to what you wrote, but there is a movie line from Wind River that Jeremy Renner says that seems to pack a quick hard punch of truth.
quote:
Cory tells a story about the time he went to a grief seminar and quotes his counselor: “Bad news is you’re never gonna be the same. You’re never gonna be whole, not ever again. You lost your daughter. Nothing’s ever going to replace that. Now the good news is, as soon as you accept that, and you let yourself suffer, you allow yourself to visit her in your mind, and you’ll remember all the love she gave, all the joy she knew.”
Posted on 2/13/23 at 8:41 pm to LazloHollyfeld
quote:
LazloHollyfeld
Don't know you as a poster but LOVE the analogy of the shipwreck for grief. I use storms and shipwrecks as analogies all the time because they are so apt, and they work. You write beautifully. Keep at it old timer.
quote:
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
Ain't that the truth. Sometimes we find ourselves barely clinging on in the wreckage. But man...KEEP HOLDING ON! You don't let go, ever. Even if it feels like you are drowning. Cry out for help. Even if it seems like you are alone, if you keep screaming someone will hear you and they are coming with a rope and a lifeboat. Just don't let go and give in to the despair.
Help is coming. Just takes a while sometimes. I promise you there will be better days ahead. The OT, rotten bastard scoundrels that we may be, is full of those who have been in your spot and we'll lend whatever hands we can give. We'll do our best to pull you out the wreckage and help you however we can. You aren't alone in this, this awful awful sea of seemingly endless grief. Many of us have sailed these waters and been dashed upon similar rocks. Some drown. Don't let that be you.
We are here for you.
Posted on 2/13/23 at 9:27 pm to fr33manator
quote:
Don't know you as a poster but LOVE the analogy of the shipwreck for grief. I use storms and shipwrecks as analogies all the time because they are so apt, and they work. You write beautifully. Keep at it old timer.
Didn’t mean to take credit for writing this. I have seen various versions of this analogy around. This version was from some website. Some one else wrote this but beautiful nonetheless.
Posted on 2/13/23 at 9:48 pm to LazloHollyfeld
Eh, I get the feeling that someone sharing this isn't going to care if someone else shares it, credited or not, in an attempt to help someone put their grief to words. Me, I lean on poetry because it keeps me from rambling a bit and being more concise.
But that imagery of a person being a ship, tragedy being a storm and grief being the rocks that break us and can well drown us...timeless.
I like the word maelstrom, a powerful whirlpool that can grab us and suck us down into oblivion.
Because it's something so very hard to fight. That seems inevitable. I think...Poe? Wrote a story about one with that title.
Good word. Evocative. But if you find yourself in one, HOLD ON. Cling to some flotsam and jetsam. Hang on to some bit of the wreckage and hold your breath. The maelstrom will spit you out if you just don't give up. And you will be pulled up out of the darkness. Rescuers are on their way. Fear not. We are searching with lanterns in the night. We saw your ship going down. Many of us have been sailors in those same waters, feeling like we were condemned to the same fate.
I say this as a man who has survived the tempests..."do not go gently into the dark night! Rage, rage against the dying of the light!"
Brother, the crews are out there looking for you! We will pull you from the dark waters! We have been there clinging, beyond hope.
Cry out, fight back, curse the havoc and the anguish! We hear you! Don't let go! Don't surrender. We cannot save your ship from the wreck but we may save you yet if you only hang on a little longer. You are not alone!
But that imagery of a person being a ship, tragedy being a storm and grief being the rocks that break us and can well drown us...timeless.
I like the word maelstrom, a powerful whirlpool that can grab us and suck us down into oblivion.
Because it's something so very hard to fight. That seems inevitable. I think...Poe? Wrote a story about one with that title.
Good word. Evocative. But if you find yourself in one, HOLD ON. Cling to some flotsam and jetsam. Hang on to some bit of the wreckage and hold your breath. The maelstrom will spit you out if you just don't give up. And you will be pulled up out of the darkness. Rescuers are on their way. Fear not. We are searching with lanterns in the night. We saw your ship going down. Many of us have been sailors in those same waters, feeling like we were condemned to the same fate.
I say this as a man who has survived the tempests..."do not go gently into the dark night! Rage, rage against the dying of the light!"
Brother, the crews are out there looking for you! We will pull you from the dark waters! We have been there clinging, beyond hope.
Cry out, fight back, curse the havoc and the anguish! We hear you! Don't let go! Don't surrender. We cannot save your ship from the wreck but we may save you yet if you only hang on a little longer. You are not alone!
Posted on 2/13/23 at 10:48 pm to ColdTurkey
Thanks for starting this thread. Some great thoughts about grief in here, well written.
My buddy’s wife, who was one of my wife’s best friends and a bridesmaid in our wedding, chose to end her life Thursday night. I’m going to share these well written pieces with him, just need to figure out when.
My buddy’s wife, who was one of my wife’s best friends and a bridesmaid in our wedding, chose to end her life Thursday night. I’m going to share these well written pieces with him, just need to figure out when.
Posted on 2/14/23 at 10:52 pm to ColdTurkey
Checking in on you. Hope you are dealing with it in productive ways. Oösh meleen Aga. Peace be your journey.
The path isn't easy, but as a Poet friend of mine told me, Stephen Murphy (look him up, fine fellow.)
"Keep the head up lad, focus is the way through the darkness."
My heart goes out to you. Bid my final farewell to a dear friend today. Damn cancer. She fought it hard and well. But goodbyes are inevitable. Be glad if you get the chance to do it proper at least.
Anyway, hope you are well as you can be. I know it isn't easy.
And I'm not gonna lie to you and say it gets easier. It doesn't. It just gets...different. Your feet get surer and you learn how to battle the grief better. A bit like dancing. You learn the steps and don't stumble quite as much.
The path isn't easy, but as a Poet friend of mine told me, Stephen Murphy (look him up, fine fellow.)
"Keep the head up lad, focus is the way through the darkness."
My heart goes out to you. Bid my final farewell to a dear friend today. Damn cancer. She fought it hard and well. But goodbyes are inevitable. Be glad if you get the chance to do it proper at least.
Anyway, hope you are well as you can be. I know it isn't easy.
And I'm not gonna lie to you and say it gets easier. It doesn't. It just gets...different. Your feet get surer and you learn how to battle the grief better. A bit like dancing. You learn the steps and don't stumble quite as much.
Posted on 2/14/23 at 11:47 pm to fr33manator
I lost my parents in my middle teen years, for years the hurt was almost unbearable, I would dream almost every night that they were really alive and part of my life again, only to wake and find it was all a lie. If I went to church or shopping, I would be sure that lady looked just like my mother, of course it was a lie. For the first time in my life I understood suicide, I was lucky to be surrounded by people that I loved and would not dare add to their grief.
OP and others have done a very touching job of explaining their relationship with grief, quite an insight. If there can be comfort in grief, they have expressed a path.
Now I am old, it seems like I lose friends on a regular basis, I love many of them, but the death of the elderly seems is very different than when we lose a young person.
I pray that you heal, but if you love others, grief will always be a part of life.
OP and others have done a very touching job of explaining their relationship with grief, quite an insight. If there can be comfort in grief, they have expressed a path.
Now I am old, it seems like I lose friends on a regular basis, I love many of them, but the death of the elderly seems is very different than when we lose a young person.
I pray that you heal, but if you love others, grief will always be a part of life.
Posted on 2/15/23 at 1:11 am to ColdTurkey
quote:
ColdTurkey
Well played, sir, and spot on.
Page 2 of 2
Popular
Back to top
Follow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News