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Started By
Message
re: Would you reach out to your son’s friend’s parents after something like this?
Posted on 1/3/25 at 9:04 am to StringedInstruments
Posted on 1/3/25 at 9:04 am to StringedInstruments
quote:
You really don’t think it’s odd and concerning that one of my son’s best friends doesn’t invite him to his birthday party?
No.
Kids' relationships change all the time. His parents probably gave him a limit on how many kids he could invite and based on his current mood he prioritized the other three. That could change in a month and he might have a completely different guest list.
I ran around with kids in my neighborhood growing up who had a secret fort and a club (we were around 7 at the time). They held a vote to determine whether I could join and I was voted down. I was very unhappy about it, but—and I have no recollection of how this played out—two or three weeks later I was back in. I do know that there was no second vote. Probably everyone just forgot about it.
Anyway, you asked.
The answer is, you are helicoptering.
Tell him that he doesn't have to invite the kid to his birthday party and the kids will either mend fences over time or they won't and his friend cohort will change. Happens all the time.
Either way, your son is going to face rejection in life. He needs to learn how to do it.
This is exactly why young people these days are so emotionally incompetent. Parents fix every damn thing and don't let them experience anything difficult, so they have to learn how to do so when they are 25 instead of 8.
It's much better for them if those lessons start at 8 (or 6, or 5).
0
Posted on 1/3/25 at 9:06 am to Blah Blah Blah Dude
It’s a good teaching moment to tell your son to let that kid go frick hi self and not hangout with him
Life is to short to have relationships with people who treat it like a one way street
Life is to short to have relationships with people who treat it like a one way street
Posted on 1/3/25 at 9:07 am to ChatGPT of LA
quote:It's almost certainly what this is
Could simply be a #s game
Posted on 1/3/25 at 9:08 am to StringedInstruments
I say forget it… feed them fisheads. It’s their loss.
Posted on 1/3/25 at 9:09 am to Jon A thon
Sounds like these kids are less than ten years old. Is that a normal age to play paintball? I've never done it before but seems like it would be for kids a bit older than that, or perhaps there are different levels/power of guns to use. 
Posted on 1/3/25 at 9:12 am to StringedInstruments
quote:
My wife says not to contact them.
Listen to her....
Posted on 1/3/25 at 9:12 am to MikeBRLA
11/12 year old neighborhood kids?
Don’t you remember being that age? One of the neighborhood kids will always be the odd man out or on someone’s shite list. It rotates.
Guarantee your kid has been on the inside of it when one of the others is out, and he will be again, unless the parents get involved and mess up the normal workings of it all.
Don’t you remember being that age? One of the neighborhood kids will always be the odd man out or on someone’s shite list. It rotates.
Guarantee your kid has been on the inside of it when one of the others is out, and he will be again, unless the parents get involved and mess up the normal workings of it all.
Posted on 1/3/25 at 9:16 am to StringedInstruments
Take your kid to ride go karts at NMSP.
Posted on 1/3/25 at 9:25 am to StringedInstruments
Just wait until he grows up and finds out what they do on Facebook behind his back.
I have never been a popular person.. A real loner really with no friends.
Then one day I bought a Bar. As long as I gave free drinks or booked their band, I had more friends than I could count.. and when the money ran out and had to sell the bar. They turned tail and became enemies faster than Benedict Arnold on election day.
He can learn this lesson at 6.. or 60 because people will still be the same.
I have never been a popular person.. A real loner really with no friends.
Then one day I bought a Bar. As long as I gave free drinks or booked their band, I had more friends than I could count.. and when the money ran out and had to sell the bar. They turned tail and became enemies faster than Benedict Arnold on election day.
He can learn this lesson at 6.. or 60 because people will still be the same.
This post was edited on 1/3/25 at 10:03 am
Posted on 1/3/25 at 9:32 am to StringedInstruments
I’m late to this thread. We had a situation when my daughter was having a birthday party when she turned 7. She invited all of the kids in her home room class and her best friend that was in a different class. That was done to keep a limit on the size of the party at our house. We got a call from the mom of a girl in another class asking why she wasn’t invited to the party. That mom has continued to be a damn helicopter mom and will blatantly and rudely ignore other parents of children that aren’t always best friends with her daughter. That lady’s daughter has turned out to be an emotional wimp because of the parenting she has received over the years.
My kids have been on the other end of this situation, as well. I told them to quit whining and get over it. They did just that and life went on.
Let the kids figure it out themselves and don’t be a bitch. Listen to your wife, tell your kid life isn’t fair, and move on. Making a big issue out of this sends a negative message to your kid.
My kids have been on the other end of this situation, as well. I told them to quit whining and get over it. They did just that and life went on.
Let the kids figure it out themselves and don’t be a bitch. Listen to your wife, tell your kid life isn’t fair, and move on. Making a big issue out of this sends a negative message to your kid.
This post was edited on 1/3/25 at 9:40 am
Posted on 1/3/25 at 9:32 am to Pelican fan99
quote:
It's almost certainly what this is
Yep. It's expensive these days. Probably told him a #, and he picked the kids.
It's kids, it's not personal to them. Adults overreact
Posted on 1/3/25 at 9:40 am to holmesbr
quote:
Take your kid to ride go karts at NMSP.
There have been many suggestions to take the kid to do something fun but that’s almost as bad as calling the other dad. Life is tough. Hard knocks build character. If you have to give the kid a lollipop every time he’s excluded, he’ll end up being a wuss.
Posted on 1/3/25 at 9:45 am to Handsome Pete
quote:
My son has experienced some social issues off and on at school
This sentence is doing a lot of work.
Agree. And this part of it is doing more
quote:
and the neighborhood has always been a safe place.
Posted on 1/3/25 at 11:08 am to StringedInstruments
quote:
That’s fine. I get that. I’m just confused why we as a society can’t form communities where we know and respect each other enough to communicate. Let us know about it instead of pussyfooting around the issue.
You have been brutalized in this thread, but I think it's just a bunch of guys afraid of a tough conversation. You said it wouldn't be a confrontational conversation or begging for an invite, a simple clearing of the air. Nothing wrong with that.
People are too afraid, like everyone in this thread, to talk about difficult situations and hide behind "your son needs to learn life isn't fair"
quote:
We wouldn’t have dared to leave anyone out because we have an ounce of empathy. Apparently that’s laughable these days based on the majority of responses to this thread.
Again, the "life is not fair" brigade will ridicule you for this, but that is manufactured unfairness. The other parents purposely left your kid and create that scenario. If your family was away and had to miss the party, then "life's not fair" because of poor timing. I'm sure I'll get crap for that, but I'm not leaving out a kid, even though there is at least one I would like to
quote:
I won’t contact the dad. It apparently isn’t going to help nor is good for posturing, which seems to be more important that cultivating positive relationships for children as they grow up.
I know it is a day late, but screw the down voters too scared to talk things out. Reach out to the dad. But your wife might be on to something, probably the mom's doing and both Dad and kid got overruled.
Edit to be clear: in no way do I think talking to the dad should have the intention of getting an invitation, which OP stated he wasn't going to do. Tough conversations need to be had with the dad and the uninvited, but there could be something the boy did or said that resulted in the parents being bitches. If my kid did something, tell me. If your kid did something, I'd tell you. I wouldn't be passive aggressive and leave him out of future events. That's chicken-shite. The other dad shouldn't be afraid to tell him, look, your kid curses like a sailor at our house, or look, my wife is a bitch, or look, there was a 3 kid limit. It's not hard. After that, you talk to your kid
This post was edited on 1/3/25 at 11:20 am
Posted on 1/3/25 at 11:28 am to DeltaTigerDelta
quote:
There have been many suggestions to take the kid to do something fun but that’s almost as bad as calling the other dad...If you have to give the kid a lollipop every time he’s excluded, he’ll end up being a wuss.
I focused on the overall picture, but I agree 100%.
All that does is teach the kid that you'll step in and "fix" it for him when things don't go his way.
Kids need experiences like this, because they aren't going to go away as they get older. They need to learn to deal with them.
Posted on 1/3/25 at 11:29 am to BabysArmHoldingApple
quote:
If I put myself in your shoes I might call if for no other reason than to tell the other dad that it’s bush league not to invite everyone.
Exactly this. I'd give the father a fricking earful and tell him if this is the way they want it then his kid can stay the frick away from my house. Put the biggest guilt trip you can on the man and refuse any pity invite, insisting you just had to get your feelings off your chest.
If it's his wife that made this decision, her husband will then turnaround and give her a fricking earful about the uncomfortable conversation he had to have thanks to her petty arse games.
You can stick up for your kid without him even knowing it, without coddling him. But clearly something needs to be said...there's no way you just brush that shite under the rug. THAT'S the cuck behavior.
Posted on 1/3/25 at 11:30 am to Chingon Ag
Totally reminds me of grade school and Jr. High parties/dances at parent’s houses. (Do they still do this?) Who was invited, who wasn’t drama.
Side note: Babe by Styx was played a lot for slow dances in my day. Oh and “Sad Eyes”. Take me back every time I hear them.
Side note: Babe by Styx was played a lot for slow dances in my day. Oh and “Sad Eyes”. Take me back every time I hear them.
This post was edited on 1/3/25 at 11:32 am
Posted on 1/3/25 at 11:31 am to StringedInstruments
Do something with your kid during that time. Those kids are playing paintball... maybe take him to a local gun range and let him shoot some guns. Take him to a movie or whatever he wants to do.
Posted on 1/3/25 at 11:41 am to StTiger
quote:
I think it's just a bunch of guys afraid of a tough conversation.
Do you really think that? Are you that much of a moron?
quote:
Nothing wrong with that.
Yes. Yes there is.
First of all, regardless of what he said, the obvious intention is to get the kid included. If not this time, the next time.
quote:
People are too afraid, like everyone in this thread, to talk about difficult situations and hide behind "your son needs to learn life isn't fair"
That's "hiding," is it? Or is it just what used to be common sense until parents lost their minds about 20-30 years ago?
quote:
Again, the "life is not fair" brigade will ridicule you for this, but that is manufactured unfairness. The other parents purposely left your kid and create that scenario. If your family was away and had to miss the party, then "life's not fair" because of poor timing. I'm sure I'll get crap for that, but I'm not leaving out a kid, even though there is at least one I would like to
I haven't seen the whole thread, but I have yet to see that someone is arguing that the guy's son wasn't purposely rejected. Of course he was. That's the whole point.
He's also going to try out for teams that he doesn't make, try to get an A in a class that he doesn't get, apply for jobs that he isn't selected for, apply to schools that he doesn't get into, ask women out for dates that say no. Etc., Etc., Etc.
You are the reason that young people today absolutely cannot deal with those things emotionally. Hell, kids today can barely deal with calling a friend and asking if they want to hang out, and it's because parents like you arranged their whole social life during their entire childhood.
quote:
I wouldn't be passive aggressive and leave him out of future events.
It's not being passive aggressive, you cuck.
Look, people get to decide whether they want to be around other people. The OP's son is not obligated to include this other kid. This kid sent the OP's son a message. "I like you and all, but you're not in my top three friend list."
When it comes time for the OP's son to choose who he wants at his birthday party, that may have changed or it may not have changed (they are kids and stuff like that changes all the time). They may have mended fences or not.
But you'd be an idiot to get in the middle of all of that, and you'd do it to the detriment of the kids involved.
quote:
If my kid did something, tell me. If your kid did something, I'd tell you. I wouldn't be passive aggressive and leave him out of future events. That's chicken-shite. The other dad shouldn't be afraid to tell him, look, your kid curses like a sailor at our house, or look, my wife is a bitch, or look, there was a 3 kid limit. It's not hard.
It's also completely unnecessary. There is absolutely no reason based on what information has been shared to think that this has anything to do with the OP's kid not behaving correctly.
Again, you act like everyone is obligated to invite everyone else to every event. That's not true for kids or adults.
Grow up. Or grow a pair, one of the two. Stop eating tofu and get some replacement T.
Posted on 1/3/25 at 11:44 am to mmmmmbeeer
quote:
I'd give the father a fricking earful and tell him if this is the way they want it then his kid can stay the frick away from my house. Put the biggest guilt trip you can on the man and refuse any pity invite, insisting you just had to get your feelings off your chest.
If some idiot called me like this with a bunch of nonsense about his kid not being invited to my kid's birthday party, I would hang up on his dumb arse and my kid would be forbidden from playing with his kid forever. Ain't nobody got time for that sort of Nancy-boy hissy fit.
OP, if that's what you want, go ahead and make the call.
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