re: Worst Attempt Someone Made Hitting On You?

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OWL! You are a trip..  Well, I can't trip because... You know.. but you are one funny dude.

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Dude just stop. This is sad

I got offered a massage from an old dude at the highland road park. Was surreal. I told him no.

i know i've told some pretty wild stories but this shite here i was saving for my own stand up i mgiht have one day this shite comes straight out of some dave chapelle stand up skit but is 1000000000% true.


so i'm at this hotel room. i'm tryin to get high but having the damnest time securing said drugs. so i am outside smoking a cig and i kinda peep game and i can tell the guy downstairs is either holding or he knows where ic an get some shite cause they are tweaking their arse off lol.
. i

so i go downstairs and i'm like bro look i know you coholding what's good? come off some of that shite lol. i talk myself into their room and in their room,there is this old guy who i can instantly tell has one leg, because well.. he has one leg lol. His name is John. old guy. probably 55-60 years old.


i had a few hudnred in my pocket i was ready to buy some shite but after talking to them for like 30 mins dude just throws a gram at me and im' like frick i know when to shut my mouth lol gives me a bowl and everything. wasn't the best shite i ever had but i twas free lol.


so later that night, i done called this broad i had been trying tog et with over and i had her arse tweaking all on my dick and someone knocks on the door. it's the one leg dude lol. i mean the fricker did give me a free gram, at this point iw ould ahve happily thrown 50 dollars at him and paid for it to get him to go the frick away, but still dude looked like he was a vet and he seemed cool. he got into it with them downstarights and just comes in my room.


so to get to the point. this dude is gay lol. now i got this 22 year old girl half arse naked in my bed and this dude is sitting here asking me if i work out and shite lol. im' like yeah. and i'm like trying myb est to get rid of dude and not be a prick about it, and he's like "i see why people like you, you're a very likable person". i' like this dude is fricking hitting on me.


so then goes into frick it mode and takes a hit of some shite and starts just jaking off pulling down his pants. i didn't know rather to laugh, cry or beat his arse lol.



at this point he was seriously creeping the girl i was with out so i'm like okay one leg gay guy you got to go so he's like " i got no here to go" i'm like you should have thought about that before you whipped your dick out and started jacking off so im' like dragging this one legged dude out becuase he won't get in his weelchair, i throw him on the sidewalk and on top of that i pickpocketed the rest of his dope off of him lol which was like a quarter and he's so heartbroken dude won't leave my door so he's sitting outside the door crying while i'm fricking the dog shite out of this girl high off his shite lol


so after the first nut lol, i put on my clothes and i go outside and smoke a post nut cig and dudes sitting righgt there still and i have zero fricks given lol i give dude a cig, i told him that he had some pretty decent shite lol, he asked could he have any i said no, he asked could he come in i said no, finish the cig, go back in, lock th door and proceed to go black ops on said 22 year old.


she was fun as hell



dude also had like these incents the ones you light. about 15 packages of them. this happened like 2 years ago and i still have not burned through half of them lol i took every last one of them.

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A gay older guy once told me if I wanted to come by his place later “he’d suck my dick till the cows came home.”

I couldn’t even be revolted because it was such a dumbass pick up line. What cows was he even talking about?!? Just made no sense at all.

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The cows were nearly home. He was offering you about 2 mins 30 sec suck off.

Pathetic.

She's an attention whore

What in the frick did I just read

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wanted me to come with him to one, for a specific reason

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Dat parking spot, doe

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Earlier today I was with a friend.

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Does FB still let you poke?