re: Worst 13 months of my life

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There’s only two options: she either tells you or you find out. I found out.

She told me she was an executive assistant to this guy who had companies and was worth a couple 100 million (I think between 300-400 million). I even met him one time. He was like 75 years old and flew in one of his planes. We had dated casually before when she was a stage manager for this theater and held down a regular job and then reunited at the start of COVID. I was stuck in the Midwest after my flight was canceled because of Covid, she saw my post on instagram and was moving back from NYC to the west coast and picked me up on the way. We then just never stopped hanging out and got back together.

Turned out she was doing a “girlfriend experience” with this guy and that’s the dude she married after we broke up.

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“Found out” means “finally opened my eyes and stopped denying the obvious”.

Damn can’t imagine. Have you struggled with substance abuse since all that? If all that happened to me I would definitely hit the bottle. Hopefully you haven’t and found other ways to cope.

Yeah bud, my 2024 was rough.

Dad almost died a few times.

Kidney failure and he became septic spent several days in ER/Hospital. Doctor said had he/we waited another day or two he likely wouldn’t have left the hospital alive.

His heart rate would go down to about 13 beats per minutes especially when he was laying down. When he tried to get out of bed he would collapse because of it.

He wound up needing a partial pacemaker put in.

He would fall and would basically ‘get stuck’ where ever he fell leaving me to pretty much deadlift his 250 pound body. That happened several times, and there would be times that he was stuck for several hours because it was over night. And he also need knee replacement surgery (which he got later in the year) which is another reason why he couldn’t ’get up’ after he fell.

He also had to have emergency back surgery . Never knew that back surgery could be considered an ‘emergency’, but he had two puss sacks pushing against his spine and Dr said any more pressure could permanently damage his spine.

Both the pacemaker surgery and back surgery had him in a long term in patient physical therapy hospitals.

One was absolutely terrible and treated my dad like shite. Equipment was broken (I would actually bring a tool bag and fix the trash equipment)….that led to their maintenance guy (60ish) to threaten me to a fist fight outside which I gladly went outside and he went out a side door got in his car and left.

One of the nurses in charge of my dad was treating him like shite and I told her that I didn’t appreciate it. She asked me what I was going to do and I said that I would punch the fricking wig off of her head.

She told the manager about it and we had a meeting…once he got off his soap box about hitting a member of his staff I played all the videos of her treatment of my dad and how poor the equipment was. I said I would gladly go to the news with it. He Suspended her and the next day we had all new stuff….chairs, bed, call button.

Had two life long family members pass away.

My mom died….i found her. I’m still not over that, not sure if I ever will be.

About a month after my mom passed my kids mom passed.

My brother blames me and my dad for my mom’s passing.

He thinks my dad should have checked on her, yet that was impossible because he had literally just had knee surgery and the most he was able to do at that time was stand. He wasn’t able to walk.

He also indirectly blames me because she likely passed in between the time I go to work (I checked on them before I went to work) and lunch (when I go check on them) but he has kinda said that I should have stayed with her. (She had major neck surgery the week before she passed and was in the hospital for a week, she had major complications with the anesthesia….so bad they were testing her for a stroke and a bunch of other possibilities).

And to top it off my shoulders are wrecked…at one of my visits to see my dad I went to sit in a chair…I didn’t know that it has wheels and the fricker flew out from under me and I put my left and/arm out to grab it which I am pretty positive I tore my rotator cuff even more. It felt like I was getting stabbed from behind my right ear, across my neck/back and down through my left arm to finger prints.

I’m sure there is more.

Either way I am here for you and I’m sure other baws are here for you.

You aren’t in this fight alone. Head up baw and if/when you need to talk we are here.

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He also indirectly blames me because she likely passed in between the time I go to work (I checked on them before I went to work) and lunch (when I go check on them) but he has kinda said that I should have stayed with her. (She had major neck surgery the week before she passed and was in the hospital for a week, she had major complications with the anesthesia….so bad they were testing her for a stroke and a bunch of other possibilities).

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Family members who don't lift a finger to help are always real quick to criticize the caregivers.

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Any of yall been through a year of pain and loss?

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Not me. I’ve had a few bad breaks in my 63 years, but I’ve been lucky, and the good breaks have way outnumbered the bad ones. I’ve done a lot of stupid high risk things, and eight or nine times have been falling, or spinning out of control, and thought, “This might be bad”, only to end up with minor injuries. Had a lot of lucky breaks in business, and have never faced a bad health problem with someone close to me, besides those whose time was up anyway.

I’m sorry you went through all of that, particularly the fiancé. She could have been a great aid to you during this time. Keep on trudging and looking for the positive and you’ll probably have a turn of luck.

Not physical pain, but 2019 was the year of “You’re an adult, people you care for are dying. Welcome to hell”.

Started off with my lab passing away in January. My best friend’s wife was diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive form of liver cancer that is rarely ever seen in young/middle aged women. She was 34 and died that June. In May my former boss and the man I considered my mentor for most of my working life passed away. Two days after my birthday, a friend I’d had since I was 8 killed himself. In September, my brother-in-law went into cardiac arrest while we were all on family vacation; my wife and I performed chest compressions until the first responders arrived. They had to have an EMT choppered in from the mainland to declare him deceased at 3am. 2019 was a shite year.

My heart goes out to you my friend.
Do yourself a favor and seek some counseling. The mere actualization of saying things out loud reduces their size and starts recovery. Your post is a great first step, so well done already.

It will also help you crystallize what is most troubling to you. This lets you see that while there are problems, there are other aspects of life that still gives you some joy. This will lead to perspective which helps one get a handle on possible solutions.

I’m dealing with other sorts of long suppressed self examination, and it ain’t for pussies, but I am feeling better.

Vaya con dios mi amigo.

Thank you for sharing what you’re going through. It isn’t easy to be so open in front of a group of strangers. Most of the world can seem cold and indifferent, but this place is unique. Among all the twisted humor and shock-value posts from the characters who dwell here, there’s still decency. Sure, there’s no shortage of animosity and feuding, but when a baw needs a little shelter from the storm, folks here will always put differences aside. I hope you were able to take your mind off the heavy things for a bit and enjoy some football or whatever else you had going on this weekend. Keep your head up — we’re here for you.

Rough time. Hang in there. Prayers for you.

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Any of yall been through a year of pain and loss?

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My summer was pretty shitty. Went from getting cancer to losing my awesome grandmother, and then two uncles. All within about three months.

But this is a competition I'll gladly let you win.

Sorry for all of your shite though. That sounds rough.

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And then I had rotator cuff surgery at the end of August to repair more damage from the wreck. Which is months of pain if you don't know.

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I had shoulder surgery last year and they repaired my rotator cuff, shoulder, and bicep. But recovery wasn't too bad for me. Very little pain after the first couple weeks honestly. I wonder why yours was so rough.