re: Wife makes plans without consulting me

As a practical matter as mentioned earlier, y’all should have one of those large desk calendars hanging on the pantry door where everything goes.

LSU football games and times, all birthdays, anniversary, haircuts, kid’s events, family events, whatever. Go old school.

Or if y’all are techy or prefer, a shared phone calendar can work if yall use it. But there is something visually satisfying in a physical family calendar that everyone can see and use.

Honestly man, it sounds like none of them want you there. Not just your brother in law and his wife, but your wife too. I’m assuming they will all have a better time if you aren’t either.

Maybe you’re a prick and cause everyone to be miserable? Or maybe they are all pieces of shite who don’t give you a chance? Either way, they don’t want you to go so they can talk shite about you. If it is that bad, they are probably trying to convince her to leave you. Watch your back.

I make big purchases without consulting the wife and its fine, so I can't complain when spur the moment plans are made by her.

There is likely a complex reason why she is doing this. Do you complain and raise hell whenever she comes to you about the idea of making plans for an event? Is the hell you are raising unreasonable? Do you resent her family? Are you doing your own thing when you want (fishing, golfing, having bourbon with the boys) with/without her permission? She may not be interested in dealing with all the BS in arguing so she just makes the plan. Its not like she is saying she is going on a girls trip to Vegas for the weekend.

She may just love her family and wants to spend time with them without having to get permission to spend time with them.

I don't think there is a simple reason why she does this.

This drove me nuts. The play dates I learn about an hour before. I work crazy hours and we have 2 small kids.
I see a bunch of jokes, albeit funny, but no real advice. My best advice is keep your side of the street clean when you bring it up. Don’t use any language that’s going to put her on the defensive that’s gonna cause her to derail your point and lose credibility. As gay as it sounds, just focus on how you feel when it happens… disrespected, disregarded and hurts your feelings. If you’re someone with vulnerability problems… like most of us here… it will throw her off and might cause her to short circuit…and then she’ll be open to changing if she cares about you . A family and marriage is a collaborative team effort man.

This worked for me man.

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Get your wife in line. One of my vows was to OBEY my husband. He rules the house and I defer to him. I am not a submissive woman, but I greatly appreciate him being strong. Is your wife not a Christian?

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Happy house right here. You cracked the code. Good for you, babe.

This place gave some solid marriage advice. Id just pick one and do it

Sometimes family members are just not in the loop. When I was a teenager my family went to Florida for 2 weeks. My brother learned about the trip 10 minutes before we left. We used to joke that if his draft notice came in, he would find out the day he was supposed to get on the bus.

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This is not the first time I have not been consulted on future plans.

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My guess is she doesn't feel she needs your permission to do sh!t and that you have a controlling nature so she figures just best not to say anything because youll inevitably tell her she cant.

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No, I am expected to go. If I don’t then I am selfish for skipping out on a family event.

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Learn to say no.

Jordan Peterson has an entire YouTube video dedicated to this.

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Middle aged women can certainly have sharp tongues. Who needs that shite?

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I would never routinely tolerate that, and any man that does needs to grow a set.

I always speak to my wife in a loving manner and I expect the same from her.

I'm not saying I've never been sharp, or have never lost my temper a bit, but I regret those instances, and it is not habitual.