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Message
re: Why don't parents hit their kids anymore?
Posted on 11/30/22 at 9:46 pm to kingbob
Posted on 11/30/22 at 9:46 pm to kingbob
quote:I understand. Causality is also difficult to determine (does spanking create bad kids, or are bad kids more likely to get spanked?). However, as I understand it, numerous studies have linked spanking to negative outcomes, while I'm not sure one exists which links spanking to positive outcomes.
Typically, no, but with regards to social sciences? Well, sometimes. See, social sciences are very difficult to objectively measure. Humans are incredibly complex as are their behaviors. There are simply so many variables and co-acting causes that one can think they’re testing for one thing when actually tracking a very different trend entirely. It’s one of the reasons why the results of social science studies are often incredibly difficult to replicate.
If one is adjusting their behavior based on well-gathered, peer-reviewed, and results repeatable data, that might be a wise choice. However, if poor control groups, mad data acquisition (especially voluntary surveys which people frequently lie on), and unrepeatable results create unreliable data, then that data should not be used.
As I said before, I don't think a very occasional spank/slap/whatever is necessarily wrong or bad, so I'm only thinking about the parents who spank very regularly. For some it's a daily thing and it goes on for years. If it's ongoing, do you think it's effective? Do you think it's working for that kid? Do you think he's just not getting hit hard enough, or is an entirely different approach warranted, or is the kid a lost cause?
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Posted on 11/30/22 at 9:48 pm to LSUCOCK
Posted on 11/30/22 at 9:48 pm to LSUCOCK
You have to have a license to fish. Anyone can have a kid.
Posted on 11/30/22 at 9:51 pm to LSUCOCK
How I know literally no one in this thread has flown with a child under 4 yr old before
Posted on 11/30/22 at 9:52 pm to GreenRockTiger
quote:
like how? I’m only asking bc I spank as a last resort - so what works otherwise?
You have to develop a solid connection with them, such that they will be too afraid to disappoint you by acting in a way you don’t want them to. That involves being firm, consistent and not giving in from the beginning. But most of all you must know what motivates your kid, and use that to discipline them. Whatever they enjoy the most is what you use to control their behavior. Also, eating in their room by themselves is a good punishment, as it sets them apart from the family. Make them get up early to do chores, no sleeping in on weekends, etc.
With Little ones you have to demonstrate to them how to act, and make them practice over and over and over. But you must do it with love and patience and not malice, they can tell the difference. It’s more involved than that, but those are the principles. My wife has her masters in childhood education and I’ve seen it work on kids from terrible homes. They become more thoughtful, present, calm and it really changes how they see the world. Most of her philosophy comes from “conscious discipline.” There are books on it.
Posted on 11/30/22 at 9:54 pm to Korkstand
quote:
Adjusting our behavior based on data and evidence is the problem eh?
Do you have a link to this data?
I’ve seen a lot of shitty “data” that says what people want it to say.
Posted on 11/30/22 at 9:57 pm to CalcasieuTiger
quote:
How I know literally no one in this thread has flown with a child under 4 yr old before
You should know if your kid is good enough to go on a plane. If not stay the f home
This post was edited on 11/30/22 at 9:58 pm
Posted on 11/30/22 at 10:00 pm to LSUCOCK
quote:
Why don't parents hit their kids
quote:Two different things IMO.
they can't discipline their kids
I was brutally beaten as a kid--spankings, beatings, whippings which left me with whelps, bleeding, and permanent scars. My folks were big believers in the whole "spare the rod, spoil the child" doctrine. Despite their rigorous brutality, I ended up being a holy terror, doing things as a teenager that were dumb beyond belief.
Once I had kids of my own, I couldn't revisit that pain on them. I have no doubt that there is an appropriate amount of corporal punishment which could be used, but other than a couple of swats on the butt when they were under 5 years old, my wife and I have used all the other tools available for discipline. And, knock on wood, it seems to be working. They're teenagers now, active in church, excelling in school, and generally the complete opposite of their old man at the same age.
Again, I have no idea what the magic formula is, but having flown extensively with my kids with they were younger, they would not be the ones screaming and hitting on your flight.
Posted on 11/30/22 at 10:01 pm to LSUCOCK
Spanking has a small role, exceptional really, if parents are doing their jobs. Spanking is some lazy / poor parenting hole filler.
Mean what you say and say what you mean. Command respect early in their lives. Be present, caring and respectful in the rest of their kids’ lives. Spank as attention getter when the kids’ need a jolt only on a rare occasion.
…if you got the foundation strong.
Mean what you say and say what you mean. Command respect early in their lives. Be present, caring and respectful in the rest of their kids’ lives. Spank as attention getter when the kids’ need a jolt only on a rare occasion.
…if you got the foundation strong.
Posted on 11/30/22 at 10:07 pm to Turf Taint
yea sure
Posted on 11/30/22 at 10:11 pm to FCP
I think it is having the corporal punishment as a last resort, but using it exceptionally rarely. The physical discipline should always be known to be on the table, but only actually used under the most extreme circumstances.
The more often punishment for me growing up was a timeout where I would have to kneel on my knees facing a corner on a hard-wood floor until an egg-timer went off. My knees were always kinda bad, so it was extremely painful. I probably acted bad enough to get this treatment maybe 2 or 3 times per year.
The extremely common punishment was physical labor…without the use of correct tools. The idea was that the right tool for the job was a privilege, so when you acted up, you had to still get the work done, but with tools that would make completing that job take significantly longer and with orders of magnitude more physical effort. This could include subbing sharp saws for dulled axes, paint rollers for tiny brushes, using a screwdriver to hammer nails instead of a hammer, having to clear fallen brush without a wheel barrow, using a push mower or weed eater verses a riding lawn mower, etc. This punishment was frequent. It taught me how to improvise and use what I had, rather than what was best, to get a job done. As a result, adult me always makes sure I have the right tools for every job…or I don’t f$&king do that job and find someone with the right tools to do it for me.
The more often punishment for me growing up was a timeout where I would have to kneel on my knees facing a corner on a hard-wood floor until an egg-timer went off. My knees were always kinda bad, so it was extremely painful. I probably acted bad enough to get this treatment maybe 2 or 3 times per year.
The extremely common punishment was physical labor…without the use of correct tools. The idea was that the right tool for the job was a privilege, so when you acted up, you had to still get the work done, but with tools that would make completing that job take significantly longer and with orders of magnitude more physical effort. This could include subbing sharp saws for dulled axes, paint rollers for tiny brushes, using a screwdriver to hammer nails instead of a hammer, having to clear fallen brush without a wheel barrow, using a push mower or weed eater verses a riding lawn mower, etc. This punishment was frequent. It taught me how to improvise and use what I had, rather than what was best, to get a job done. As a result, adult me always makes sure I have the right tools for every job…or I don’t f$&king do that job and find someone with the right tools to do it for me.
This post was edited on 11/30/22 at 10:19 pm
Posted on 11/30/22 at 10:12 pm to Hou_Lawyer
quote:
Some kids need spanked and some don't - all dependent on the kid. But they have to know there will be consequences for bad acts. And time out doesn't count
Posted on 11/30/22 at 10:14 pm to WaWaWeeWa
quote:Why should I do the work for you? So you can say:
Do you have a link to this data?
quote:?
I’ve seen a lot of shitty “data” that says what people want it to say.
How about you find some data that shows that hitting children is good?
We can throw out anecdotes all night long. I was spanked and I turned out alright. I wasn't spanked and I turned out alright. He was spanked and he grew up into an a-hole. He wasn't spanked and he grew up into an a-hole.
Ultimately parents are role models, and spanking teaches by example that getting physical solves problems. If it makes you feel good to hit the people who are supposed to trust you completely, and if you think they will still turn out alright, then have at it. Just know that there are other methods that work just as well or better. And yes, you will have to put in the work to figure out how best to handle each individual kid. In general though I find that treating them as people works best.
Posted on 11/30/22 at 10:17 pm to cheobode
quote:
A woman saw it and confronted my sister in law and got management involved and they refused to let her leave until the police showed up
How did they enforce this refusal to let her leave?
She should have told the lady and the store manager to mind their own business and walked out.
Under what authority did they did they claim to have to refuse to let her leave?
Did they physically detain her?
Did the manager Lock the store doors?
Why in the world would she comply and let them have that power over her?
Was she just scared of being embarrassed by having a scene made?
If they physically restrained her then she should have filed a complaint with the DA and pressed charges for false imprisonment and then sued the lady, the manager and Walmart.
Posted on 11/30/22 at 10:22 pm to yellowfin
quote:
I don’t have to use violence to discipline my kids
This.
BUT. I made them believe I would!!! There is the secret!
Make them believe!
Posted on 11/30/22 at 10:30 pm to LSUCOCK
The Brothers of the Sacred Heart went upside our collective heads with no remorse.
Personally, I was awoken from a nap (during which I was apparently snoring) by a shoe to the back of my noggin.
Thereafter, I chose not to nap in class anymore.
Personally, I was awoken from a nap (during which I was apparently snoring) by a shoe to the back of my noggin.
Thereafter, I chose not to nap in class anymore.
This post was edited on 11/30/22 at 10:31 pm
Posted on 11/30/22 at 10:32 pm to LSUCOCK
I’m not suggesting spanking leads to becoming a criminal (I don’t have super strong feelings about spanking), but I’d be willing to bet nearly every person in prison regularly had the shite beat out of them by a parent figure growing up. It seems pretty stupid for people to suggest the kids NOT being spanked are the ones growing up to be troublemakers.
Kids need firm boundaries with consistency and consequences. That can be spanking, I guess, but it doesn’t have to be.
Kids need firm boundaries with consistency and consequences. That can be spanking, I guess, but it doesn’t have to be.
This post was edited on 11/30/22 at 10:34 pm
Posted on 11/30/22 at 10:34 pm to spacewrangler
on the topic of the OP.
Most Parents were not "hitting their kids" they were administering a form of punishment, named corporal punishment or informerly called spanking their kids, due to the kids misbehavior.
Those against it have changed the term to "hitting" their kids because using that connotation makes it sound like it is done in an abusive manner.
Most Parents were not "hitting their kids" they were administering a form of punishment, named corporal punishment or informerly called spanking their kids, due to the kids misbehavior.
Those against it have changed the term to "hitting" their kids because using that connotation makes it sound like it is done in an abusive manner.
Posted on 11/30/22 at 10:35 pm to Tyga Woods
quote:
You must not go to Walmart? Black women beat the shite out of their kids
But never for any legitimate reasons.
Posted on 11/30/22 at 10:37 pm to Texas Ram
quote:
yea sure
“Yes sir” spoken to adults
Hugged grandparent and told them “I love you” in front of his HS basketball team
Made 95 on English exam
…all within the last few hours today
Take a guess how many spankings across life this took?
Hint: more than zero but less than 4
Get the foundation strong and the belt can stay around your waist.
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