re: Why do people cheat?

True enough! Signs are always there.. and if it happens once I don’t think you can really ever confidently believe it won’t again.. human nature tends to follow patterns.. I think it’s either in you to do it or not..

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whats your take on how long affair partners last if they were to try to give it a go after that marriage has ended??

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If I had my druthers it would be a few months. But sometimes they hang on. A woman usually doesn’t just abandon a stable source unless she has another one to jump to.

But usually it goes like this.

The affair is a passion driven creature, and that passion is driven by secrecy. It’s stolen moments, so the moments they steal are almost always used to gratify what is missing. It’s hot, nasty, sticky depraved sex, the kind they haven’t gotten at home in a while. Maybe ever.

Once the affair is brought to light, if the fallout from it doesn’t break them up, the affair partners may try to pursue a “normal” relationship.

This is strained because all the mutual friendships they might have had in their marriage are now drawn down the battle lines.

But whatever. They make a go of it. Now all of a sudden they aren’t sneaking around. They are spending more time together, and it isn’t all passion and pleasure.

Now the affair partner has to deal with the grief the husband had to put up with. The hassle of dealing with kids. The struggle to pay bills. Bitchy moods. The disapproval of others.

Without the constant passion, things settle into routine. The spice may wane. It becomes normal. Boring.

And normal is what drove them to someone else in the first place.

So basically, unless the couple either becomes okay with the routine and deals with it, can’t leave because they put all their financial eggs in this new basket, or actually makes a sincere effort to “reform”...well, a junkie is gonna want that fix again.

So one fight, one bad day, just feeling that empty loneliness again...and they’ll be seeking that validation again from someone else. That rush. That whirlwind of “falling”.

And round and round they go.

It’s very common for a cheater to go from one partner to the next to the next, always chasing that high they got the first time they stepped out.

But it’s a hard dragon to chase.

Does Griffin Middle School ring a bell?

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I'm going through this right now.

Caught my wife of 23 years cheating with the local middle school principle (where she worked). We have three kids 14, 17, 20. After I caught them together the second time she told me she had gone to tell him it was over. I said, that's great, now take out your phone, call him and tell him it's over in front of me. She became angry and said she was leaving and taking the boys with her.

She called our sons into the kitchen and said....I'm having an affair and I'm leaving your Father. It went downhill quickly from there. She asked our boys to go with her and they refused. I got an attorney a week later and filed for divorce on the grounds of infidelity.

She continued to see the guy for a few more weeks and then moved to Seattle to live with her Aunt. She got a job out there and as of right now has no intentions of coming back anytime soon.

I go to court May 2 and she isn't even asking for joint custody of the kids.

She called me this past Sunday crying and told me she had made several mistakes. If she wanted to actually work on our marriage I would do it, however I can't risk anything until after the court date in regards to working on it with her.

My understanding is anything on my part to reconcile would throw the infidelity part out and I'd be open to alimony payments at that point. No can do.

She told me that she had the affair because she had lost confidence in herself and I had quit telling her she was pretty. I'm on the road a lot for work and she said she was lonely. He had left his wife (a fat arse) and two children and was the right guy at the right time I suppose.

I wouldn't wish this shite on my worst enemy. Becoming 100% financially responsible for 3 kids, 100% responsible for them completely has been tough but very rewarding.

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Wow. They really do go crazy.

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She told me that she had the affair because she had lost confidence in herself and I had quit telling her she was pretty.

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99% of the time "why" women cheat, or at least that's what they say.

Its a low key way of them saying its your fault instead of taking responsibility for being a whore.

You nailed it I guess I can’t just admit that they are horny slobs or bad people
This is a bi weekly recurring post

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I was a junkie to that thrill.

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A love addict.

shite son, your days in court ain't happened yet, I'd tell ya to take this down. But you're already quoted. Luckily she doesn't sound savvy. So may shite like this not be posted in other places.

a book on what?